<hhhhuuuuugggggssss> to both of you. I just got down reading the entire 10 pages of the posting about the two of you and now I feel I know ya.

Eloquent...the anxiety attacks and not feeling well physically. I think that you holding all this within you is starting to affect you physically. I know counseling isn't free, but is there a local pastor that would maybe sit down and talk a couple times with you?

Congrats to your daughter by the way. I know as mothers we all want our babies to be grown up, married and have nice paying jobs. But we don't love them any less.

A little about me...I'm 28 and my H turns 30 on 10-16. We are on a rocky road. One I'm praying will take is right back to the beginning.

Please don't stop posting...I've enjoyed reading your posts.

<hhhhuuuuugggggssss> to both of you. I just got down reading the entire 10 pages of the posting about the two of you and now I feel I know ya.

Eloquent...the anxiety attacks and not feeling well physically. I think that you holding all this within you is starting to affect you physically. I know counseling isn't free, but is there a local pastor that would maybe sit down and talk a couple times with you?

Congrats to your daughter by the way. I know as mothers we all want our babies to be grown up, married and have nice paying jobs. But we don't love them any less.

A little about me...I'm 28 and my H turns 30 on 10-16. We are on a rocky road. One I'm praying will take is right back to the beginning.

Please don't stop posting...I've enjoyed reading your posts.

If he leave it will be his loss.
Not only will he loose you but his kids and now the joy of being a grandfather.

I know right now things look dark,I have been where you are,finding out my teen D is pregnant.But geuss what it can all work if she is willing.

It will be a rocky road but it will all disapear the first time you look at that baby.No it is not a good situation I dont wish it on anyone after all I was just 17 when my S was born and my life has been a very hard one,but somedays he was the one that got me thru.

There will be sorrow thru this but there will be joy also.

I am here for you,just a phone call or email away.

Things are going ok I guess. I still feel alot of doubt. I went to our uncles funeral yesturday.My H whole family filled the church.I was amazed at how many people were there. All I could think about is "how many of them know of my H A's".Later on in the day one of my H relatives asked me about it and how we were doing. How humiliated I felt.So if she knows then most of them do.Then my H sister walked up to me and asked me if it was true that my D is pregnant.My H sister is like your typical burn out/pot head/big mouth and doesn't care what she says.Shes the one that talked about my H's A in Ohio and she went into great detail of their first encounter.Then she looked at me and said Oh you didn't know! So yesturday was quite eventfull.This Sunday is when my D is going to tell my H she's pregnant.So it's going to be an interesting weekend.
H is still chatting with "Tabby" but now she's changed her name to "kitten" in the room.That's the name my H calls her. He still has the RnV at the top of the chat room window.I really want to ask him what that means.I know what it used to mean.Rock n Venus(Ohio A).Anyway I have to get back to work now.I hope you all have a nice weekend.Thank you for your time....

So sorry to hear that things just dont seem to get easier for you.

Best of luck on Sunday and let us know how it goes.

Well last Thursday we had to go to a momorial service for our uncle.Wednesday the night before my H was drinking and playing all the old love songs from A#1 and A#2.He was writing something to read at the service(which he didn't).He asked me to read it and I did and he named some of the songs he was listening too.I made a comment that it was good but I couldn't relate the songs with Uncle Joe.My H said he played the music to get him in the mood to write what he did.The music he played brought back really bad memories for me,it took me back a few years.But my thought was it doesn't take music to say whats in your heart,it doesn't take music to help you write what you heart should truely feel. As far as my D she didn't tell my H she's pregnant.I think we're both nervous.My H has been acting strange again.Short tempered,distant,cold,not affectionate at all.Just all of a sudden,again.So I don't know what's going on with him.I woke up Sunday to the clicking noise of his keyboard (his computers only 3-4 feet away from our bed)and he was chatting with the lady in Australia (tabby or kitten as my H calls her).Instant depression for me.I miss cuddling with my H in the morning.We don't do that anymore.He's always on his computer when I wake up.There's alot of things I miss.....

I have not stopped thinking of you for days wondering how sunday would go for you.I understand that you need to make sure the timing is right.

As for the things we miss.........boy there are a lot now aren't there.
And some things will never be the same.And for me some of the things my H says or does feels like I am getting the sloppy seconds.
It just is not fair that we were dealt this hand to play.

Please email me with an update of everything,let me know if I can call and I will so we can talk.
Take care my friend,you are loved.

Good morning
Well I don't know when I'm going to be able to post now.They are moving my office and I won't have the privacy anymore and I don't know if I'll be able to get on line. I'm so depressed about the whole thing.
I noticed this morning that my H took our camera with him today (odd).Usually (in the past)when he would take the camera with him he would take pictures of himself or wild flowers to send to someone.I'm just getting bad vibes again and I'm seeing some of the signs.
I don't know when I will be able to post again but I'll try somehow.
I just want to say thank you to all of you that have helped me.......

Post when you can.We will miss you.Email me from home if you can.
I will call you so we can talk
Take care <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well H is still acting weired. Friday night he chatted until 1am and of corse he was drinking.Everytime I would approch him he would get really nervous.He even pushed me away twice (jokingly).It was a horrible evening for me.One time I went to put my hands on his face because they were nice and cold and he normally likes that,he never let me cover his eyes.He kept an eye on me the whole time to make sure I wasn't reading his chat.He's been very short tempered with me and now he's starting to find things wrong with me again.He hasn't been as affectionate with me and he's very direct when he talks to me. This is sending red flags up for me and I don't know what to do about it. Friday I noticed he called a lady in OH named lora.He spoke with her for 11 minitues while I was in therapy for my neck.I didn't question him about it he didn't even know I looked at his phone.It's very hard for me to move forward when I think everythings ok with us but then something happens.What bothers me the most is I know he wouldn't talk to his A's like he does me.He wouldn't treat them this way......

Sorry things have turned this way again.

I often wonder why they do not treat us like they do the OW.
I have come to the conculsion w/my H that he will never be able to treat me like he did her.It is just not possible for him.I dont know why I do not understand it and I am so tired of trying to.

I just want the truth. I'm tired of feeling defensive.Especially when he starts telling me "you don't do this or that".It's total bull,it amazes me how or what he can make me out to be in his own mind.He always tries to find the bad never looks at the good and what I've done for him and still do. He didn't call me today...Just another sign for me.I'm trying to figure out what to do.When he starts treating me this way I start to shut down.We don't talk.I have trouble finding conversation with him where as if I'm not threatened everything is fine.....I just don't know what to do or how to get the truth.Even if I talk to him I'm afraid it will make things worse and I wont get the truth anyway.I'm not going to play the game any more.I don't want to relive last year or two or three years ago.I don't know how he can...

I just want the truth. I'm tired of feeling defensive.Especially when he starts telling me "you don't do this or that".It's total bull,it amazes me how or what he can make me out to be in his own mind.He always tries to find the bad never looks at the good and what I've done for him and still do. He didn't call me today...Just another sign for me.I'm trying to figure out what to do.When he starts treating me this way I start to shut down.We don't talk.I have trouble finding conversation with him where as if I'm not threatened everything is fine.....I just don't know what to do or how to get the truth.Even if I talk to him I'm afraid it will make things worse and I wont get the truth anyway.I'm not going to play the game any more.I don't want to relive last year or two or three years ago.I don't know how he can...

Hello everyone I just thought I'd just drop in and say hello.
It seems things are getting worse.Just in the past week D (17) is pregnant. H lost his job, he has filed another workmans comp claim.He wasn't even at this job for a month. So I'm again floating the boat.....

(((((hugs))))) I'm sorry there's so much to deal with right now.

Eloquent, put a keystroke logger on his PC. They are not expensive and run undetected in the background. Stop wondering and get the proof, and save it somewhere he cannot get it, like in a Yahoo email. I did... I never would have suspected him and my sister in law, but they were. Best thing I ever did, I finally quit living with being ignored and no sex.

Thank you for your responces. I don't think I could put anything on my H computer.He's quite the wizz.He built his computer and has it just so so. I would be too paranoid and also there's never a time for me to do it.He's on it contantly.I wish I could though.I just don't know how I would be able to do it.
Things are ok. H lost his job for sure though.So now he's home all day again.He's filed another workmans comp complaint.He only had the job for a month. It irritates me. I'm injured also but I don't quit working, I can't I have to support the family.We're getting along ok but I feel alot of apprehention with in myself and I know it's because I can't and don't trust him.He's constantlly on the computer and doesn't spend any time with me or the kids but he can sit ther and chat with whoever for hours.I don't understand it and I'm getting tired of it all....thank you for letting me vent

Thank you for your responces. I don't think I could put anything on my H computer.He's quite the wizz.He built his computer and has it just so so. I would be too paranoid and also there's never a time for me to do it.He's on it contantly.I wish I could though.I just don't know how I would be able to do it.
Things are ok. H lost his job for sure though.So now he's home all day again.He's filed another workmans comp complaint.He only had the job for a month. It irritates me. I'm injured also but I don't quit working, I can't I have to support the family.We're getting along ok but I feel alot of apprehention with in myself and I know it's because I can't and don't trust him.He's constantlly on the computer and doesn't spend any time with me or the kids but he can sit ther and chat with whoever for hours.I don't understand it and I'm getting tired of it all....thank you for letting me vent

Well I just checked my h profile on his msn. it says hes single and looking.He just changed that recently the last time I checked it which was about a month ago said long term relationship.....

Well I confronted H when I got home.He said it had been like that for along time...Not...I blew I didn't yell but I accussed him of the affair this summer, of corse he denied it.I'm still upset about everything.I'm just tired of the whole thing.Tired of the lies and deception.I don't want to live like this anymore but apparently he does.He was making up excuses for everything.I even asked him about the RnV on his chat room screen he said he liked it there and that it reminded him of how much fun he had that summer (RnV are his and OW initials)so that just shows me what regard he has for me and our marriage.He said it's up there because that's how he feels. What does that mean? I just feel like crying.I thought it was all over with especially the way he's been with me.Why is he doing this again.He says he hasn't talked to her in 9 months.I should of asked him when the last time he chatted with her.I've noticed I have to be very explicet with him at times.I'm tired of dealing with this, I've been through too much.Then during our conversation he said he was going camping/fishing in 3 weeks.So he'd be gone that weekend.A few hours later he asked me if I wanted to go with him. Hello! Then he stared talking about what we needed to do with the house and how we needed to fix it up and add on a room.Hello! It was like we didn't have the conversation/argument at all.I don't know what to think anymore.It's like living in the twilite zone....I'm confused...It was like he was trying to change the subject and deter me away form the conversation....I don't know what to make of it all...help