I dont know what to say to help you but do know that I am here to read your post and I care.

I cant believe he lost another job.This is just to much how do you go on??

What about your D?? How is she doing have you told your H yet about the baby??

Please keep me posted.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I do worry about you so.

Well when H and I got into the argument he mentioned that OW lived in Oklahoma.But he didn't have an A.Funny there's two shot glasses on his dresser from Oklahoma that he got on his last trip.The W he's chatting alot with now,he says she's only 23 or something like that.When I looked at his msn messenger profile he had some pictures on there and it read "tabbys bits" the kids in the picture look like they are around 14-17 years old.He told me she had twins.So I don't know if he's lying to me again or what.All I know is that she's there when he gets up in the morning and she's there when he goes to bed at night.After we argued/talked he chatted for awhile and he said to me "ok everyone knows about you in the chat room""their going to eat you alive are you sure you want to be apart of it".He admitted to me that "in the past" he has told them bad things about me. I'd like to know what.That I massage his back every night or rub his feet.I don't think so.He's very good at making himself look good irrigardless of what he does to others.I haven't pushed the chat room yet.He told me to figure out a name for myself.Gee, he's been able to name all his A's but he can't think of a name for me.I've left him alone all evening since we've gotten home,he poured himself a drink and began chatting,I told him about our daughers halloween party at her school,"I forgot",he said and continued to drink and chat.So again just like I have the past few school years I was alone at the halloween party watching all the other families.It was depressing to me more than anything knowing that he was here chatting with whoever.This is the first time I've stopped since I got off of work at 3pm and it's now 10pm,and I'm still having to deal with the kids.He's in the bedroom chatting and listening to his music and drinking.Is there something I'm doing wrong here?
He's excited because the insurance company is thinking of offering him a settlement on his injury already.Which is shocking considering it only happened a couple of weeks ago.He did loose his job because of his injury so he's not bringing in any income right now.I do feel better that I said something about his A though.I got alot off my chest and I think he knows where I stand but I don't think it matters.I don't want to continue to live like this.I've tried to be subserviant and watch and listen.I've been more than understanding but I also understand that he'll take advantage of every situation irrigardless of who he hurts.He's taught me that when there's someone else in his chat room he's interested in then I become obsolite to him.I got that feeling 2-3 weeks ago when all of a sudden his whole attitude changed with me again.The red flags were flying for me.The first hint I got was a comment he made to me about how he told everyone in his chatroom that I get jealous when he's chatting with people. Just out of the blue he told me this.Why would he say that?When it's not true.At that time I hadn't said anything about what I was feeling or thinking.So to me it was like he was telling someone about me and telling them things that wer'nt true to make himself look good.I'm really trying to maintain my sanity here.For years now all I've done is watched him have A's one right after another on the net in his little chat room and I'm tired of it.I'm tired of the humiliation when I see the family and they look at me and wonder what's going on.They don't even come over anymore because he goes into the bedroom to chat.It's embarrasing to me eventhough its just his sister it still doesn't make me feel good...Well I'm exgsausted...God bless all of us here...I wish you all well and take care...If any of you want to e-mail me please do.My e-mail address is genuine1703@hotmail.com. Thank you so much for your support....Take care

Just wondering if anyones here?

Hey I'm still here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I must have missed your last post somehow sorry.

I have been so worried about you because I have not heard from you in a while.How are things going this week??

Have you gone into the chat room yet??
How is H being??

How is your D??
Has she gone to the dr. yet??

I know lots of questions but hey I have not talked to you in a week or so and I miss you and want an update on everything.

Take care.

Hello everyone
Well things are still the same.H isn't working now since he apparently hurt his shoulder.So he's suing his boss for wrongfully firing him while he was injured.He's still the same,still chatting until he goes to bed with whoever.I don't know what to do anymore.Ive tried being patient, I've tried confronting him with the issues but nothing changes,it doesn't matter or so it seems.I'm the one that has to do everything.H invited all his family over last Saturday for D birthday.So Friday after work I had to do all the shopping then come home and cook dinner and start cooking the spagetti sauce and meatballs for D party.I didn't go to bed until 2am.H didn't help me do anything.Saturday I got up early so I could finish cleaning the house,the kids helped somewhat.Then I started cooking again.His family showed up around 12:30-1:00 it was nice to have them over and of course he had to show some of his cousins his computer so he spent most of his time in the bedroom while I did all the hosting and cooking.Everyone left around 7pm then my D had an asthma attack so I had to take her to the emergency room.I was so exausted but my H didn't offer to help me do anything.He just sat and chatted the rest of the night until he came to bed.He didn't even thank me for doing what I did for his family.Instead he started an arguement with me about how much money I had left.It's not like I spent 40+ dollars in alcohol for me.Thats how much was spent just for him alone.So anyway It just totally bumbed me out.No hugs of appriciation.Instead, before I left for the hospital he asked me what was wrong and I just said that I was tired and all I wanted to do is take a bath and relax but then I had to go to the hospital the he told me that he hadn't liked my attitude lately.So within 30 minutes of his family leaving he b*%^&$d me out for my attitude and money.Which to tell you the truth there was nothing wrong with my attitude considering how tired I was.Money wise I did very good shopping for groceries.I saved $65.00.Like I bought 2 birthday cakes for 10.00 when regular price would of been 32.00.I thought I did very well actually, but all H did was complain.It used to be so different.He used to walk up to me and hug me and thank me for doing things,now it's like it doesn't matter what I do.I have confronted H twice withing the past 3 weeks about the RnV on his computer screen and also about on his MSN profile he had "single and looking" under his stats.A month ago it said "longterm relationship" I discovered "single and looking" 2 weeks ago or so.He told me that it was an old profile.WRONG because his B-day is in Aug and he had already changed his age,and also I didn't believe him when he told me it changes it's self.So more lies.I asked him about the A that I had suspected in July-Aug.He denied it of corse.Eventhough he has shot glasses for the state she's from.
So like I said I've been patient and I've confronted him with things but neither has helped me or my situation.I just feel like I'm living a lie and have been for along time....It's so hard for me to believe he could treat me like I'm nothing after 20+ years of taking care of him...I know I need to get over this but I don't know how.How do I let go....

I wish I knew and I would tell you how.

I am so sorry for all of this,NO one deserves to be treated this way.

I wish I had the answer that would make all things right in your life.

I am here,you know that.

Thanks for the update,I worry about you.

Hello everyone
well things are going ok. I got to hear my D babies heartbeat last week.Talk about a reality slap in the face.I guess it's just hard for me to accept still especially since she's only 17.H and I are doing about the same,he's drinking and chatting as usual and playing love songs to whoever among others."Rick Isac "I want to fall in love"",was his last choice.I'm hanging in there.No major improvements.H still dealing with workmans comp and not getting paid.That's been a nightmare.I'm still waiting to hear from my settlement from the car accident I was in two years ago.It makes it hard when the holidays are right around the corner extreamly depressing and stressful.I've pretty much given up on my marriage to tell you the truth.I kinda figure I wont get the truth anyway no matter what and it doesn't matter what I do.H never going to change, not for me any way.I know if he were with someone else he wouldn't do the things he does and he'd be putting effort into the relationship if he wanted it.Now he's playing "forigner,secret rondevue".Sorry I can't spell very well.When he plays certain songs it's like a knife in my heart.It makes me wonder who he's focusing on in his chat room. Well got a go

SSDD

I am so sorry for your loneliness,and your unhappy life right now.Remember there are people who admire you,love you and think that you are one terrific person focus on them.

I hope with all that is going on in your life you can sit back for a moment and enjoy the holiday.

As for the babies heart beat..........God chooses when a child should come to earth,it is his time not ours,he is sending you this little miricle for a reason.

I have been there the mixed feelings of the new baby but believe me when I tell you that the miricle that was sent into my life was just that a true blessing and joy when I needed it most.

Take my my dear friend and Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Hello everyone. It's been along time since I've been here. Some things have changed since I was here last. H for right now is behaving himself and we're talking more about A's now.I still sit and listen mostly.He says they were a mistake and he's always loved me and it's always been me.With the first A he said when he thought that I was gone forever he had to try to love someone else and he did to a certain extent but then he saw her true colors and didn't like what he saw but mostly he didn't feel what he should of in order for the relationship to continue.
I'm still getting over alot or trying too. How do you get over the what if,fear,anxiety and the doubt.I'm stil having troulble coping.H doesn't know.Nothing has changed with him,he still runs his chat room but lately he hasn't been chatting very much. He's been spending time watching movies with me in the evening more.I'm not used to this anymore.I hope it can continue.There's still something inside me though that knows it can disapear at any moment.I don't like that feeling and I'm still very much on my guard.I don't know if this is normal but I can't help it.. My D is 6 months pregnant now,everything is looking good so there's no worries there.We're trying to give her as much support as possible and keep her steared in the right direction, finishing school etc.... well I have to go.Thank you for your time...take care

Hey E
Thanks for the update seems we keep missing each other online.
I am glad things have calmed down a bit.Dont know if you ever get past the wondering,doubting.

I'm also glad to hear your D is doing well in her pregnancy.You are doing all you can for her by being a good support.I remember when I was a teen and pregnant w/my first and the love and support from my parents made it so that I could do all I needed to at that time in my life.

Stay strong.Drop me a line when you can.
I have missed you.
Take care

Hi MAND
I need help! What constitutes and EA? Is it sex, or is it needing someone and letting them know? When does friendship cross over to EA. I am just hoping I am not doing the same in my time of crisis that I am blaming him for.

Hi there! Well Warrenwarrior I don't honestly know the answer to your question - "I need help! What constitutes and EA?" I've been trying to figure this one out myself for the past 3 years since things started happening with my H. To me I think it all depends on what morals and beliefs you have as a person and what you can truely live with within yourself knowing you've took an oath with someone else.In my case my H has no excuses.I can honestly say I've been the best friend,wife,lover and person through out everything.I've been his support in every way.I'm there to listen to him and to fill his needs ect. That's what makes it so hard for me to understand why he's done what he's done.It doesn't make sence to me.I've even asked him "what don't I give you?" It took him about 3 seconds to answer me and he said "you give me everything, I must be crazy,any other man would love to have a wife like you, the problem isn't you, it's me". So that answer didn't help me much to resolve whatever problem he may have.It just left me hanging again.I'm really trying still to not get emotionally tied up into the past and what happened.I don't think I'll ever have an answer or explanation of WHY.So I'm still trying to bury the thoughts/feelings and it's hard.It's an everyday thing and it can be exausting.I do see things at times (behavior) that raise red flags to me.If anything I know I've become more secure with in myself.I've been through alot and I don't know if I'm just numb or if I truely care anymore or what it is.H is still chatting in his chat room and he always will be he won't give it up for me or our family he's proven that.I'm just trying to enjoy my life and be me and be happy irrigaurdless of what he's doing. I'm the one who spends time with our children and I'm looking forward to my grandchild eventhough at 40 yrs old I'm not really ready yet to be a grandma but I'll give it my best shot.....Thank you for being here for all of us who need someone to talk to.....

Eloquent,

Anyone would kill to have that given in a marriage. I am sort of in the same boat, trying to make sense of it all, when the problem I thought, was both of us. I do have a question though, I have a long time friend. Who is seeing me through this through his support. He is very happily married, expecting his first child. I am leaning on him, to cry and try to understand. But he has never made an effort or were there any romantic interests. I don't consider him an EA but support. He knew me as a child, and now an adult. What if any should I avoid, I would hate to have his spouse feel like I did, when H had EA's?

Hi Mand
Wish things were better for you.You are so strong.I sure do miss talking w/you.

Being a grandma is easy.I became one at 36 and have loved every minute of it.Now at 44 its fun to watch the reaction on people's face when I say that I'm grandma not mommy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WW......does your friends wife know of your friendship?? If she does and there are no secrets then I would say that you are ok.It is when you cross that fine line that an EA begins.As long as you are open and honest and the boundries are set then your friendship is probably fine.

I'm really in a delema right now. I just found out that I'm going to be receiving a settlement from a car accident I was in 2 years ago.I don't know when, it could be any day now.Every day my H keeps asking about it and it's driving me crazy.He talks about what "we" need to buy and what we can do vacations etc. My delema is he's being extremely nice all of a sudden or more so now that he knows about the money.I just have alot of doubt that he's being honestly nice to me or if it's because of the money.He's already had people come into our home to give us estimates on repairs,carpet etc. He's gotten an estimate on how much it would be to fix his car machanically and some cosmetic stuff.It's like he's spending it even before it gets here.He wanted to go look at furniture and he's already picked out our bedroom set right down to the new mattress and bedroom sets for the children.It's just scaring me a little because of the past and how he can turn on me.I don't trust him still and I'm trying .He's been talking about me in his chat room more and he even told me to say hi to one of the ladies in there so his chat room knows of me but I don't know if they know we're married.Just like before.He seemed a little parinoid when I was chatting with "tabby" he wanted to know what she was asking me but whatever.So I don't know what to think.I hope all this isn't pretend just because of money......

Hi, you there? Red flags are popping up. Please post back.

Is the settlement check going to be written to your name or his name or both your names?

From your description of his getting estimates, shopping for new furniture, etc., sounds like it will be a large sum. And H's got it all spent before it's cashed.

You mustn't let him bully you into p*#@ing it away. He's been behaving nicely lately because he sees easy money. Yours. And that means he doesn't have to work and save to fix up the house.

Look into something safe, something that can earn interest on your money, and put it into that and let it work for you. Blue chip stocks, a high interest CD or something. Your H's role is to be a breadwinner, a good provider. You contribute work and sweat and budgeting, you care for the children, you'll probably be taking care of your grandbaby.

Meanwhile your H is enjoying a rich fantasy life posting to OW on the net, visiting Oklahoma and returning with cheap souvenirs. Don't subsidize his womanizing.

If you're too good to him, if that money goes through his hands like water, he isn't going to suddenly and in the end see you are wonderful. He's stroking you to get you to hand over the settlement. It won't restore your marriage.

Be strong, figure out where you're going to put the settlement money, someplace safe where it can earn interest. Wait a few years, unless the kids' mattresses are vermin infested and the floor is rotted out under the house, or unless the roof of the house is about to collapse on your heads and bury you, don't spend any of that money.

If he really loves YOU, he'll work on the marriage. I'll bet his changes are short term and temporary. You can't buy his love.

<small>[ March 08, 2005, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Bellevue ]</small>

Thank you Bella
The money will be in my name only and he doesn't really know how much it's going to be for sure just a round about figure.I'm definatly not going to buy his love, thats stupid.I just hate to think that thats why he's being so nice now.It's a hard thing to face but it did come to mind and I hate thinking like that but I'm still on my guard.Thank you bella for your advice and I think your right.One thing though I am going to buy myself some nice things,I deserve them and my children also.We've lost alot....Thank you again