Found evidence of my wife's affair last Monday the 10th. I knew something was up besides what she had been telling me was wrong. After I told her that I knew she started talking divorce right away and didn't show much remorse for the whole thing. I said she couldn't live at our house while this was going on and that she really needs to think about what she is doing. So she left and is now living at his place. I am trying to do plan B now and avoid all contact, but every couple of days she shows up to get something when I am there or calls. I am starting to be disgusted by her. I told her I have forgiven her and that we should go to counseling together to save the marriage. She won't go. I am soo hurt by this because she is completly cold to me now despite what she did. We are/or were best friends. I know she still loves me, but love has to do more with behavior than feelings and this is not a loving behavior. Should I bother waiting for her affair to fizzle and for her to try and resolve things or just get divorced and move on. This all just happened within the last few weeks. That's how short this is and she is willing to throw it all away for a guy she barely knows. CRAZY! I feel like I can't count or trust in anyone if the beautiful wife and best friend betrayed me. This is a NIGHTMARE!

Juke - Welcome to marriage builders. How long have you been married? Do you have children? Is OM married?

Well your wife has just plunged you into misery with probably very little thought. You will take it personally, but try not to. Most wives get involved in affairs to get emotional needs met.

You said you were best friends before. Was there any problems in the marriage? If so you can start working on those. Also check out Plan A here under the thread "General Welcome to All New Builders."

You might want to switch your post up to general questions, because there is much more traffic there, and you will get more responses.

Hi Juke - I agree with Believer - perhaps you should start in Plan A - probably somewhat easier to Plan B - but honestly if you want your M to work - Plan A her - show her that you love her, show her what she is missing,that you are a wonderful person, a wonderful husband, that you miss her and want her - try it for 6 mos, if the A still continues go to Plan B and write the Plan B letter.

Did you already write a Plan B letter to her?

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 06:36 AM: Message edited by: Sandy0000 ]</small>

No I didn't write the plan B letter. This all happened so fast that I am still learning about these things. The only problem in our marriage was her feeling trapped and I guess not getting as much attention as she wanted. She still is talking divorce now.

If you love her, and if you want to remain in your marriage, and have the opportunity to make it better, then you are in the right place... here!

Order a copy of Surviving an Affair, or pick up a copy at your local bookstore. Read it and learn the Marriage Builder's concepts.

Until you have done that, explore the MB site, and learn all you can from the excerpts and articles highlighted from the home page.

Lay low, and treat your W with respect, and don't commit any LoveBusters, Disrespectful Judgements or Angry Outbursts. Once you've read the book, and posted here with any questions you might have, or guidance you need in beginning this journey (via emotional rollercoaster, I might add) to save and improve your marriage.

The first two things you need to learn about and fully understand are EXPOSING THE AFFAIR, and PLAN A. Please understand that most of what your gut reaction tells you to do is the WRONG thing to do. So save yourself from making many big mistakes and arm yourself with a plan to reconnect with your wife.

I would also recommend that you interview by phone a few marriage councelors, and try to find one that is aware of MB, and counsels in a Pro-marriage arena.

Best of luck to you!

SD

Juke:

This just started. It is far 2 soon 2 go 2 plan B.

Go 2 the home page and read the articles about infidelity, plan A and plan B. Also, consider outing the A 2 everyone that could impact the fantasy.

Hang on tight. The first few months are by far the hardest.

-ol' 2long