My W had an affair that started (near as I can tell) last November and continues to present. I discovered it on Jan 17th, but waited in shock, anger and fear to do anything about it for almost a month. When I confronted her, she had a ready made excuse that was so much bull. I was in a very bad place then, and in a stupid snap decision, accepted it because I thought that it didn't mean the end of our marriage.
My second big mistake was telling her that I had taped her phone calls with the OM. Now she has turned this completely around putting it on me that I'm a spy and that she can't trust me anymore. She started searching my office and found some porn that I had; she then said that she thought that I was having an affair (I wasn't and never did or would). She claimed that she cooked the whole thing up to punish me!
I discovered this board too late for me to have had a better confrontation. I have done a lot of soul searching, looking for the root cause of her wandering. I think that it is mostly that after 11 years of marriage, we never had children, and she is (I think) starting menopause. This "mid life crisis" coupled with the really extream mood swings, freaked her out.
Truth be told, I was always luke warm to children. I fear the staggaring responsibility and have almost a phobia of having a less than perfect baby. Anyway, she has only mentioned having children a handfull of times over the last 10 years, and I thought that when she really heard the call, she would start pressuring me. She didn't. She now blames me as if I was supposed to be pressuring her all this time!
I feel that we are drifting apart. I think that she is stringing me along because she doesn't want to deal with a public breakup. We never fought before. Now we fight all the time. We are communicating our real feelings better, but I think that there is little hope.