Hi you guys!<P>My H and I have been to a counselor here - and although I feel he is ok for one-on-one, I am not sure he has a real approach to save a marriage. Plus my husband does not like him. <P>Anyway, My husband agreed to talk to Dr. Harley - we have an appt on Friday. My hope is that he will agree to more after the first session. I have read a great deal of this website and read the book Surviving an Affair. I believe in all he has said throughout each. Is he good at getting to the heart of the matter and hooking someone like my H who is so undecided, but on the verge of moving out to gain perspective and to explore his feelings for her (GAG).<P>My husband always asks, "How much does it cost?" When I told him he didn't say anything, but to continue talking to Dr. Harley, he will have to feel from the beginning that it is worth while. <P>I agreed that if he would talk to Dr. Harley, I would not ask any questions or talk about this the rest of the week. I did not agree to not continue doing nice things for H. Last night, before he got home, I had written in a card a nice letter explaining my actions from Sunday night. I also left 3 goofy surprises wraped up for him in the guest room. He came home after work to watch a movie instead of going to practice which was a nice surprise. It was late when he went to his room, but I assumed he would open them. He has always been a sucker for surprises. When I went to cuddle this morning. which I sometimes do, he wanted to know what they were for - he had not opened any of it. He said it did not feel right. When we got up, he started downstairs without opening them. I told him they were goofy and to please open them. Well, he packed the card to read at work and opened the gifts. He thanked me and said that was nice. I told him the I was sorry I made him feel unfortable, but that he did deserve them??? He said it just confused the issues. Am I doing too much? Should I back off, I don't want to seem pushy!!!<P>Hope you are all doing better than I feel. I'm going to try and reply to others today - I've been needy here and just posting for myself. I guess we all need that sometimes!<P>Have a great day!!!<P>------------------<BR>H

We've been using Dr. Harley for our counselor for about 1 and 1/2 months. I really love the website and the book "Surviving an Affair"- his dad wrote that book, and Dr. Harley's philosophies are great and in counseling you are getting pretty much the same thing as what you read except for a step-by-step guide a long the way. I feel he really helped open up my husbands eyes. The only thing negative I could comment on was that it seemed from session to session he didn't remember "our story" and I feel when paying as much money as you do, it should be more personal than that. Good luck!!

dhj:<P>I've used Steve Harley (Dr. Willard Harley is his dad) for counseling since October of 1997. For me, he was the difference in saving the marriage---"Surviving an Affair" wasn't in print, and this forum didn't exist (although the website was here).<P>I really like Steve. My wife started counseling with him too during her affair. She did a couple sessions and was always horribly drained after them (one time she slept for 14 hours straight afterwards). She quit---she said that she hated him. After the affair was over, and some time had passed, she agreed to start seeing him again jointly. She enjoyed these session much more, and we've made some headway (although we've taken a break).<P>The phone counseling has a lot of advantages, and the apparent disadvantages were not an issue for me. And Steve's rates are a bargain compared to similar counselors---I went to a couple different therapists and was paying from $125-$200/session. <P>Kris; you bring up a interesting point. I know that Steve has been much busier than when I was using him on a regular basis. When you say that you feel that he doesn't remember: do you think that it's possible that he's having you restate facts to judge if your emotions have changed regarding those issues? Whatever the case---he works for YOU, so bring this up with him at the next session.

I was hoping for more responses - thought I would try for more.<P>Thanks guys!

Hi, I too have used Steve Harley for around 2-3 months now. I haven't talked to him in a while since my Husband moved out but now that my Husband is back we are talking together of getting more counselling. I don't know if my Husband wants to use Steve since he feels he is very one-sided (obviously, he wants to save marriages) and I think my Husband wants a more open view. My Husband did talk to Steve once but he was still in the middle of the affair and was not ready to work on our marriage at the time. I did like Steve although I usually always had a problem getting through on the phone eg, my appointment would be at 1.00 pm and I wouldn't get through to him until 1.40 pm. I think he has great advice though.

I agree with Very Sad on the difficulties of planning for an "on-time" appointment. But timing issues aside, my H and I both credit Steve (and his dad, of course) for saving our marriage from going down the tubes. We're still very early into recovery, but things are looking brighter than ever.<P>We had tried two different therapists before Steve. The first didn't work out for me and the second didn't work out for him. We both buy into Harley's ideas, so Steve is working out great for both of us.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>"Some women wait for something to change and nothing does change so they change themselves." Audre Lorde<BR>

Those of you who have used Steve, what do you think about what Kris10 said regarding him not knowing your situation and having to re-explain it each time. Did that happen for others too?

Hi, I have to say that I didn't really have to go over my whole story each time, he usually just asked for an update since the last time we had talked. I will say that I found him really easy to talk to and very helpful and I do wish my Husband would counsel with him now to get him through withdrawal.