I found out a few months ago that my husband was having an affair. He did not tell me, I found out through cell phone charges, bills, etc.I also found out that he was visiting numerous adult web sites. He did not deny any of this. He says that he is very sorry, does not want a divorce, etc, etc. I am having a very difficult time believing anything that he says (obviously). If it weren't for my young child I very likely would have left him already. I feel like my heart and world have been shattered. I do still love him (Lord help me) but I am very far from in love with him right now. I do not trust him at all. Some days I almost feel normal and then I will hear something on the radio, see something on TV, read something, etc that will tear the scab right off the wound and I feel like I am right back to square one. I have bought several books (Dr. Harley's among them) on recovering from infidelity. Intellectually these have helped some but emotionally I feel like I am drowning. I don't know what to do. He says that he feels very lonely and isolated. The problem is that right now the last thing I feel or want is to try and be close to him, although I know that if I want to save my marriage I need to try. Right now I feel very distant from everything. It is as though my life has a fog over it and everything is muted gray. We were in counseling when his affair began and now I am feeling pretty disenchanted with the process. I guess I logged on to post this just to know that there are others out there who are struggling with the same thing and that what I am feeling is normal and that I am not alone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Dr. Harley's approach to infidelity has been invaluable to me and my cheating H. It's been 8 months since D-Day for me (I too found out by accident...found his diary and checkbook). He completely denied everything until I showed him his diary, then he said, "She's just a friend." Yeah, right!

But after reading everything Dr. Harley has written and just about every book at Barnes & Noble concerning infidelity, attending AA and Al-Anon (my husband is an alcoholic to boot), and weekly therapy sessions, we're trying to work through this s**t. I'm beginning to see some real changes in my H...we actually TALK, he actually looks me in the eye, we cuddle at night. He is a changed man!

If you love your H (and it sounds like you do or you would have kicked his cheating [censored] out by now), get all of Dr. Harley's books and questionnaires and start talking!

Good luck to you!

Hurt Beyond Belief,
Thanks for the response. I have actually already bought several books, many of Dr. Harley's among them. I too feel like I have read everything the bookstore has to offer on this topic. I wrote my H an 8 page letter yesterday detailing how unimaginably sad I am feeling about this situation. He has attempted to explain how this all happened but for me there really are no answers. The idea of having an affair is just so foreign to me. What seems to make moving more difficult is that there are so many references to infedelity in our society and one comment, clip from a movie, TV whatever sends me spirally back to the bottom. My husband seems like he wants to try and recover from this but right now I am just feeling so stuck in the grief that I can't move on.

definately this is normal, and you have along road ahead of you, the books are great and have helped me and my h,

MC really helped us to open up the lines of communication too. Our MC asked the right questions and assigned us homework that actually got us talking again and we talked about things that really have been buried, the good and the bad.

Try not to shut your h out, it is important that you keep the lines of communication open. Although what he says may not make sense of why the A - keep trying to talk about it and everything. It is really the only way to heal,
Sandy