About a week ago I received a phone call from a travel company asking for my H. When I asked what this was all about, they said that they could not discuss it with me since it might be a surprise.

I brought this up to my H and he denied any knowledge of them. Said that I was crazy. I wouldn't let it go.

Long and short of is that I did find out that he booked a vacation with them, but never used it, and it was nonrefundable.

Over the years, I've suspected that he's been cheating on me, but could never prove it.

Although this is not proof either, I'm at my wits end.

I told him on the phone that we need to talk. He said ok.

I know that he's going to turn this around.

How can I get him to tell me the truth. I'm already assuring him that I love him and have no intention of leaving, but for some reason I just need to know.

Any advice.

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: gottobeme ]</small>

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Call them back, you'll get a different agent, or call until you do, and play PI, and tell them your computer crashed and you need all the info e-mailed to your "new" e-mail account.

Track all of the credit card records and see what charges there are. Check your computer history, and see what sites your S has visited, up to and including the travel agency.

Consider purchasing a key-logger (Google "spyware"), getting a full, NOT TRIAL, copy, and you can see "where" he's been on the computer, and get passwords and e-mails.

Don't confront him yet, or even have any talk about the incident. There are proper "ways" to do all of this. Purchase and read Surviving an Affair, by Willard Harley, and it will give other tips on what to look for, explain the dynamics of an affair, how to confront, who to expose to, and how to recover, or survive any affair that might be going on.

Post here with questions or just to vent. There are many caring and experience people here who will help you every step of the way.

Best wishes,
SD

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

I'm new here.. My H had dated OW a long time ago bfore we were M. Found out two years ago from a (used to be0 mutual friend that my H was having an A with OW. Confronted H, he denied anything other than"just friends" (who I guess talked on the cell phone daily for hours.) Meanwhile, I got pregnant and we had our son in November 2003. Last week he finally admits having had sex with OW for the two years. He has lied to me for all this time. Now I feel like everything is coming back...Can't stand to look at his face. Now he's mister kiss but all the time and "loves me so much" Knows I 'm on the edge, but baby holds me here. Oh, and I should trust you now?? Now you love me? So, I left him a letter stating I want to know where they would go and when was the last time. ( Cause he swears nothing since I got pregnant.) I asked if he had the courage to let ut all the truth. Then he would have really let go. Right? 50/50 stay or go.

Sorry you are here. This site can be a great help for you. Read the book mentioned above, Surviving an Affair, and real all over this website, basic information, philosophy, etc.

You might want to Post on the board called General Questions II, as it is a much busier board.

It sounds like something went south in his A with the other woman, and he's looking for a safe and familiar place to land. It's time for some introspection on your behalf, to decide what YOU want and need from life, with or without him. It's your choice.

Best wishes
SD

3waterlillies,

Thank you for responding. I'm sending you a big ol' hug.

Shattered,

Thank you for your response. I did talk to him about this and he denied the whole thing. I then called the company back and found out some more information and found that the guy (my H) whose name they have was for someone else with the same name, but different phone number, and different address at the time this would have happened.

On top of that, he said that he wanted to end this marriage because he's so outraged that I don't trust him. I told him that there is nothing I can do about that, that he in part created that mistrust by the many lies he's told. And the ironic thing is that it's never for anything huge.

I asked him when he was leaving if that's what he wanted but that he could not put this on me, he said not yet. I don't appreciate him holding this over my head, and don't appreciate if this is simply a threat to get what he wants, me to drop it.

So, he got his wish, I left this alone. But, there are many reasons why I would believe a total stranger on the telephone about a possible infidelity instead of believing in him, that he wouldn't do something like this.

He's never (to my knowledge) cheated on me. He says that he hasn't, but admitted that he had a thing for someone at his office a couple of years ago.

It goes on and on. I'm in the middle of studying for a test, so I need to go and finish, and I apologize if I'm not very clear. Please feel free to ask me any questions or ask me to unjumble something I've jumbled.

He called the company and told this explanation afterwards? Of course it could be true. But, his anger is very much part of the "standard WS script". It is a way to manipulate you to drop this topic. I am sorry if this is painful reading, but the anger is really a red flag.