My husband comes from a close knit jewish family from the East Coast. His 2 older brothers have been married for a long time to their jewish high school sweethearts. My husband thinks that both his older brothers and their wives were probably still virgins when they got married. He is always proud of the length of marriage of his parents and older brothers. Yet, he is the one who cheats, lies, and commits adultery. At 47 years old, he still spoke to his parents every week. I want him to tell his family about his affair but he doesn't want to. His family never like me anyway, I just want his family know what kind of a person their son and brother is. Should I insist on this?

Hurt,
My WH has chosen not to tell his family. I ended up calling his sister because I was worried that he was severely depressed. He wasn't talking with anyone and I thought someone who loved him should know he was going through a tough time. Last week his brother called and asked for him.
(He moved out) I told his brother that but didn't tell him about the A. He was shocked.
He has yet to tell his Father or his Aunts (his Mother is deceased). I don't know if it is shame, or if they think the fewer people know the easier it is to "get back to normal". I think the best thing is to share what you need with the people that love and support you. You don't need his family because it doesn't sound like they have supported you in the past. They may very well end up blaming you. Surround yourself with friends and family and let him wallow.

Hurt,

What is your motivation behind having his family know? Is this part of a plan to heal your relationship? Think about the effect of everything you do as it relates to healing (assuming you want to repair your relationship). It's very hard, I know. Are you seeking professional advice?

Hang in there.

I thought by telling his family i would get some support....the support i never had from them b4......it didn't change a thing.....they still sweep it under the rug like it never happened....don't expect them to claim any fault in the matter........like someone said above, get the support you need from those you know will support you.

Thanks everyone for your inputs. I guess there is no gain for me in telling his family about his adultery. They have never liked me anyway, and it certainly doesn't help the recovery. I want to stay in this marriage but at the same time I want to hurt him back whenever I can.

I am so glad to have found this board. Without your advices, thoughts, inputs, we are probably heading for divorce filing by now.

Should he tell his family about his affair?
No, he should not be telling his family about his affair.
He should NOT be having affairs to begin with.

If he is continuing the affair, then YOU should tell his family.
You don't do it to be mean or hurt him, but to simply help end the affair because your marriage will NOT get any better until the affair is over.