Well, I should be happy as my husband came home 4 hours early from work today. It was his day off and he didn't go in until 8:30am and he could have gone in at 6am. Of course he was working with the other woman. I just hate it because he is so quiet today. I am not going to ask him any questions about the other woman. It is just so hard though when he has to work with her on a near daily basis though. Anything I have read says that they must have no contact in order for them to really get over the affair. So, this is incredibly hard for me. He is still having contact with her so it makes it very hard for me to believe it is over. I of course am sitting here and wondering if he really even went to work and if she took the day off and they spent it together. I know that is crazy thinking on my part. BUT, I think I have somewhat of a right to be paranoid. I think he is just afraid I am going to grill him about her. Unfortunatley, I did do that last night. He was very understanding for the most part but then things kind of got ugly between us. So, today, I am not going to let her come between us again and ruin the little time I do have with him. We are going to go do something as we are childless for one more day. So, I am going to try and make it fun! TRY, TRY, TRY!!!!! I was reading more of the book "Surviving an Affair" today. I was just wondering, should my husband be reading it too? Or should he just be reading certain parts? I guess I don't really want him to know my tactics at how I go about handling this whole thing. I already feel like a big dope trying to treat him like a king when he is the one that brought this whole mess on us. He had started reading the book but hasn't picked it up for two weeks now. I guess that is the other thing I am having a hard time with still. The fact that I feel like I am the one who is putting all the effort into making this marriage work. I am doing all the giving and he is taking it and doing no giving. I sure as heck could use some love units here. Lately, I am feeling pretty low. I just don't understand him anymore. It used to be that when we had a problem we would talk and try and work it out. He was always so willing to make everything right. Well, now when I need him more than ever to try and make things right he isn't there for me like he should be. Yes, he tells me he still loves me but the actions aren't all there. You know what I mean? You know, the more I think about it, I think I should have been the one that had the affair! Not that I ever would do that but what I am saying is that he hasn't been giving me love units like he should for a long time. He works all the time, he is irritable, I don't even know why I want to stay with him. Oh, I cannot stand this roller coaster anymore! I know why I want to stay with him, it is because I love the stupid man! But, if he is going to continue being stupid then I can't stick around for it. I don't want to get drug down any further than I am. I think it has been a little harder on me lately due to the fact that I have been home alone and I have had too much time to think about things. The boys will be coming home tomorrow. So, they will keep me busy and keep my mind off things. At least a little. But, my goal then for today is to have fun with my husband and not let that bimbo get in the way of our time together. I will continue to pray for a miracle too. No matter how futile it may be! I have been praying that my husband will have the strength and good sense to not be with this woman again and to stay faithful to me from this day forward! I already did a love buster though, I busted the door handle on his car and now we can't get into it. We never could get in to the other door. So, now he is a little ticked off. I couldn't help it. It is hard to open and the little spring just came loose. He is going to see if he can fix it. I hope he can because the check book is in there and we need to balance our checking account. What a nightmare my life has become! I had bad dreams last night too. I dreamt he was treating me just awful. Sort of like he has been. Only in my dream it was worse. Then I dreamt the other woman got pregnant. Well, thank God she is 41 and my husband had a vasectomy! I know she can still get pregnant at 41, I just like reminding myself that she is 11 years older than me and 9 years older than my husband. HA HA HA!!!! She is an old bimbo! Well, my husband is going to be ready here shortly so I better go!