I have just recently found out that my husband has had multiple affairs during our 16 year marriage. He has always gone out to bars with his "friends" and I didn't mind since I had no interest in going. The last couple of months he was going out to visit his "friends" almost every day of the week. About a month ago he was gone from 9:00 am - 2:00 am. I called his friends and drove all over town looking for him with no luck. When he got home he woke me up and admitted that he had been seeing someone for the last couple of months. At first he said that this was the only one but after a couple of days he admitted to at least five others that he could remember. I know that he saw this person about four more times before one of them ended it. He has shown remorse and has not went out since all this has been revealed. I am afraid of being alone after all these years but don't know if I can ever trust him again. Our 15 year old son thinks I should kick him out but I can't yet. I constantly think about the affair and wonder who she is, what she looks like and what they did. I am just wondering if anybody has been through a similar experience.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances. You are a little ahead of others here, since your husband confessed. That is very unusual. I think that bodes well for your marriage.

Read here all about Plan A. I have a link on my sig line. As you read more and post here, you will see that there are many others going through the same thing. It is miserable when your first find out, but does get much better.

Stick with us and we will help you through this.

Hurting67,

I constantly think about the affair and wonder who she is, what she looks like and what they did. I am just wondering if anybody has been through a similar experience.

EVERY BS AT MB HAS BEEN THROUGH A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE!!

The constant thinking and obsessing on the negative images, xxx movies, with heartsick depression does get easier.

You just registered in January so you still have a huge steaming chest wound from where your heart has just been ripped. You are in a state of shock with your emotions running the gamut.

Do nothing drastic for 3 months.

Anti-depressents will help smooth out the rollercoaster, help you deal with day to day things, and maybe cope better by thinking more clearly. I began taking Lexipro 5 months after Dday and should have started the day after!

He has shown remorse and has not went out since all this has been revealed.

That is good, but huge changes in his goinoudwidabois lifestyle must change. Multiple affairs shows a certain type of lowlife barfly lifestyle (correct me if I am wrong).

He has to get off the sauce and stay at home. He needs to get another hobby.

k

<small>[ January 09, 2005, 02:13 PM: Message edited by: krusht ]</small>

hurting

You asked for someone with similar circumstances and here I am.

My H started having affairs in 2002 (that I know of). How many??? I don't know and knowing will not help me. What do they look like? I know what one of them looked like and that hurt even worse (she was beautiful).

Details of their A? I know details of 2 of them, trust me, you don't want to know the details. I broke into his email and read her explicit recount of "the two of them". Makes me sick to my stomache.

Why did he start having the A(s)? Lack of communication in our M. I was a taker, to his fault though. What I asked for, I got. Not knowing it was making him unhappy. From what restaurant we ate at to whom we saw or not. He would just always agree with me, never telling me that inside he was dieing. Is it a justified excuse? Not at all.

What stopped his A(s)? The day I broke into his email, stopped him cold.

Where are we today? On the road to recovery. It's very hard I warn you. ALthough "we" are doing great, inside I die at times. Follow these principles, read the book "Surviving an Affair". It helps so much.

It's so sad that my H was looking for love when it was right in front of him. He says he thought I didn't love him and him leaving I would actually welcome..... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />