Have not spoken to H since Christmas weekend when he took Son to OW house and I found out from Son. Up to this point I had been trying to Plan A, but I found out that H has been still misleading me about the affair and according to his family is just being nice to me to be able to see his Son without any problems. It has been quiet since then. Starting today he has been calling from work (I have caller ID) and hangs up without leaving messages. I believe that he is coming into the area this weekend and wants to see son. Our son is only 3 and I don't feel it is right to expose him to this situation when H keeps saying I'm confused, I don't know what I want. Should I keep ignoring him or answer the phone tomorrow (I know that he will call) and if I answer the phone what approach should I take.

Dont let what is happening between you and your H stop H from seeing your son. I know this is the hardest thing to handle. If you dont want to see H is there someones house you can leave son at and pick him up from maybe a friend or family member. That is what I do. I just cant see H because I am so hurt and angry.<P>

I wouldn't stop him from seeing your son if it were me. I'd just be polite when you answer. Your son shouldn't be exposed to anything as long as you and H are civil to each other when meeting.<P>Sorry that you are going through this. You aren't alone in being misled about the affair. Regardling the fact that he might be nice just to see your son, when affairs take place, this stuff happens. They do all sorts of bizarre things, and it hurts us, causes some resent, etc., but we still have to do our best, as you know. Don't let his behavior affect your logical and responsible behavior. Good luck.

Why do they have to be such selfish gooberheads?<P>It's amazing what comes out of the mouths of babes.<P>Keep Plan A-ing. Be as pleasant as you can be. And be as cooperative as possible. <BR>Above all, if you make a decision that he disagrees with, the judgment should be based upon what is best for your son, not on emotions. [Our arguments were over H taking daughter, age 3, around OW. D was concerned and confused; he denied her feelings (as he's done mine over the years)....says I put words in her mouth.]<P>Begin recording on a calendar or journal when he calls, talks to you or son, topics discussed/decisions made, and when he visits, activities, etc. Note names, addresses, and phone numbers along with notes about conversations - people who your H has talked to directly.<P>Just to let you know Mische, my Christmas present was finding out that my H filed for divorce on Dec. 20th. We have a custody hearing on the 17th.<P>I hope your situation works out better. But it's better to be prepared, just in case.<P>~Amy<BR>~out of the fog