So much for me thinking he was coming out of it! I found him w/ OP at her place of work.. I went to them and H got mad. I sat and talked to OP again and asked her if he has told her he was ending it with her. She said he never said that. She also did not know that he has been at home with me for a month and was trying to work things out with me and sleeping with me. I told her as sweetly as possible that now he is lying to the both of us and that was unfair. I did find out that OP is still planning on college AND staying on campus! hehhehehehee. He was nasty to me and threw in all the things OP wanted to hear, like he's home only for the kids and our love life sucks yadda yadda yadda... Of course he'll say that right? Then he informed me that he will not be coming home and will be going back to the apt. now. I remained sweet and considerate to both of them. I'm sure this was a big LB but, now I know the truth.<BR> Now, do I remain in plan A or do I switch to B??<P>

AngelBear,<P>I still do fear that continued confrontation with the OW is makng things worse.<P>You should be makng clear that you know the problems are your H's and the yours alone... not the OW's.<P>Leave her completely out of the equation and work on you and your H...<P>As hard as it may seem...<BR>...go back to a full fledged Plan A<BR>...do apologize for the LB incident<BR>...and counseling (if he won't join you)... should be started by you alone!<P>Your LB-ing with your H (especially in front of the OW)... is drawing them closer to each other...<BR>... "it's this <B>us against the world</B> mentallity"...<BR>... <P>Focus on improving just you...<BR>...learning his needs... even if by trial and error...<P>This could be a bumpy rollercoaster ride.<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim.. <BR>H wound up coming home anyways last night. He then went to work. I called H to check on something at work and discovered he wasn't even there. I drove past the apt and H and OP were there. He came home later in the afternoon which NEVER happens on a Sunday. I told him that I knew he was with here again today and I can't handle much more of the lies and such. I told H that my love bank is dangerously low right now. I asked him if he was going to work on reconciling and a no contact letter<BR>or was he going to remain in the affair. I got the usual" I don't know". I asked him to try and tell me tonight and he decided to fall asleep on the couch. I now feel like a complete doormat and laundry service. He was mostly concerned if I was going to finish his laundry by tonight. Yeeeesh. It almost sounds llike he's waiting on the laundry to leave! I can't take much more of this Jim.

Hi AngelBear...<P>How long you can Plan A is up to you...<BR>...I'd suggest that you speak to the Harley's about the "timeframe" that is right for you...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>One month is a bit short for Plan A...<BR>...but tolerance level vary for everyone.<P>Do check out my posts on Plan B...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>.<P> <P>Jim