I have been married for a little over 5 years, havea 2 year old little girl who I adore and about 4 months ago ran into an old lover from graduate school and now meet him 1-2 times per week for lovemaking sessions at his house and dinners out etc. etc. I just got back this morning from spending the night at his house while my in-laws were in town watching our baby overnight at their hotel (my husband went out to play cards with friends, I told them I was going out on the twon with friends when I actually went to his house, made love for several hours, went out to dinner, went in the jacuzzi and made love most of the night) I love my husband and daughter however this man gives me something that my husband I think is incapable fo giving me. I feel very guilty however not guitly enough to stop.
I love my affair. It is the most exciting thing that has happened to me in years. He is a fabulous lover but most of all he listens to me and adores me. My husband barely acknowledged that I was leaving Saturday night as the olympics were beginning. I wanted to tell him right then and there just to see if he was even listening. It is frustrating because I know he loves me so much and maybe even depends on me too much to take care of EVERYTHING. I for once in my life want someone to take care of me! This man takes control and care of everything which is a humungous turn on for me. I ask my husband to take control of some of the household things (like the finances, for example) I am not saying I want him to do laundry or any bull**** like that, I mean take pride in the house, see things that need to be fixed and either fix it or call someone. Don't wait for me to do it every time. I feel like the man and the woman most of the time.<p>I know it is wrong, I do know that. Why am I doing this and has anyone been in this situation, what happens next? What should I do? I love them both. THe affair will never lead to marriage-ever-it is more fun than anything else plus we are from very different cultural backgrounds (jewish vs. iranian)<p>Please write and let me know what you think

First - welcome to MarriageBuilders!<p>I'm not quite sure what to say or think - your thread seems to be flaunting the whole A!<p>You say this A will never lead to M because of your different cultural backgrounds, but mostly because you are caught up in the excitement and secrecy.<p>You say you feel no guilt, but for some reason you are seeking help by coming here.<p>I would suggest reading Surviving An Affair or Torn Asunder to begin with and all the pain filled threads on this message board.<p>Have you ever thought of marriage counseling or talking with your H about what you need? I'm hoping you have since you made the decision to have an A to medicate your lonely M.<p>If you haven't already, print out the Emotional Needs questionaire and both of you can fill it out. Maybe he doesn't quite know what your top needs are.<p>Please keep posting and sharing your situation!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 12, 2002: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</p>

Am I just being overly sensitive? Most of us here are suffering the fallout of affairs that our spouses have had. It's awfully hard to read about your active A when you don't seem to have any intention of stopping. <p>Why don't you try talking to your H. Tell him what you are doing. Give the guy an opportunity to fullfill your emotional needs. You are robbing him of the chance to have a meaningful relationship with you. How is he supposed to endear himself to you while you are off with someone else.<p>I would really like to know exactly what people think of the vows they made to their spouses while in the throws of an A.<p>Makes me sick.

Kaitlee,<p>I think she had a bit of fun on these boards with this. She has posted this same thread on each and every board and I haven't seen her name since then.<p>I'm sorry she came here to flaunt her fog in our faces - I for one will NOT be replying to her personally again. She's a fly by I think!

I really want to say it looks to me that you feel that you have needs that your husband hasn't been meeting. And even though your over tone has the exitement of a child with a new toy. The I think you do love your (old toy) spouse with much more conviction, otherwise you wouldn't have taken the time to or the interest to come to Marriage "Builders"for a response. I am not here to criticize or to be criticized I am here for the support that I very much need to help get my broken down, falling apart, almost hopeless marriage back on track. My wife and I are now separated headed for divorce. But through the support here it has helped me realize what it takes in "ME". We cannot issue blame to anyone because we allow things to happen. I don't think that you are in this affair for the relationship, I think you are in it like the most for the change. But you are now headed for one of the biggest changes of your life. You will get found out (if not already)and have to deal with the truth. At that point you will have your spouse's full attention. Usually an affair is basically a crying out for help to your needs that your spouse at this point is still not clear on. Like cutting wrists crossways to commit suicide. Your marriage is in a big rut and it is going to take both of you to push to get out of this. Maybe its time to face the truth. You owe it to your marriage your spouse and yourself. This change could be the best thing that ever happened too your marriage.As well the truth is ... that your taking steps by being here right now and so you do really care. As a betrayed spouse you give me yet purpose to my own love and marriage to my wife. He loves you that much too, I'm almost sure of it...

I think we all suffer from the affects from an affair, even from the WS point of view. For all you who have read this with judgement from the your own pain, try to look for the silver lining.
I don't think she wasn't bagging obviously she has confusion happening . The great thing is that she came into our hands for help but I think she might have scared her off by judgemental response. I certainly hope if my spouse were to come here to MB in her confused state (like all WS's) that someone find's the silver lining. It could be "your" spouse writing this letter. How would you know?