(I originally posted this a couple of days ago)
This is probably going to be fairly long I appologize if its kind of a ramble. Here goes. About a year ago my wife finally expressed to me that she was unhappy with the way things were in our marriage. One of the primary reasons for this unhappiness was how I was handling siuations with my X concerning my 12 year old son. This part of the story is very difficult to explain but to make a long story short my son is not doing well in school and my wife is a teacher. Anyway she really has a hard time dealing with the issues that surround all of the blended family. My problem is I had no idea just how big of a problem it was for that matter just how huge a problem it was to become. Fast forward about a year from the time I found out about her concerns regarding my son. My wife finally goes back to a counselor and after much probing on my part I get her to begin to speak about what is on her mind. To say that I was floored by what she had to say would be putting it mildly. BAsically she is questioning if she has ever loved me and if she is even capable of loving me. (Her words were emotional connection not love)
I don't know what the difference is to be honest. She says that she and I are only connected on a cognitive level and that we are great roommates but we do not have the kind of marriage that she wants. So... she wants a divorce. After getting smacked over the head with this information I go to counseling. Get depressed and basically begin to fall apart at the seams. I eventually convince her to see a marriage counselor but she is resentful of this because her counselor has advised that she not focus on our marriage issues but on our personal issues. I feel that we should be doing both. Right now she is not cooperating at all. She says that she has been trying for years to make the marriage better (wish I had know it was that Sh@#$)and that she is not in a place right now where she can work on it. Couple all of this with she can not stand to be at home, spends more time with friends (she has more single male friends than I do) than she would care to spend with me. Seems to have lost interest in anything she use to do that was spiritually related. All this from a woman that converted to Catholicism and pushed me to get my first marriage anulled by the Church and stood on an alter not once, but twice to tell God and witnesses that she was committing to me for the rest of her life you all know the routine. Its like whatever I suggest in the way of trying to get back on track she has some kind of answer for it. Usually it sounds like a bunch of pshyco babble but I try to be understanding of what it is she says that she is going through. I asked he once if my son was not a factor in her misery would she be able to get past this and work on making things better. She said yes. I was shaken to my core. It was like she picked the one thing that I have no control over and made it a deal breaker. This is so hurtful to me and I said that she was cold for having admitted this, she agreed that she was in fact cold. At any rate, I am starting to feel that there is more to her story than she is telling me. I have even begun to think that she might be having an affair and for the very first time in my life I am having feelings of jealousy. So I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind my BUTT.
I desperately want to make my marriage work and make it the kind of marrige that she wants it to be, but she is miserable and wants out so badly that I am having a hard time even attemting to do things that might pull us back together. I feel so much resentment from her that I just do not know how to approach her any more. Please someone help me!! Most of all remember me and my wife in your prayers. Its like all the people I want to pray for us are related to me and I'm not ready to unload this on them just yet. So that is it. My story, probably not a new one, but certainly new to me.<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: sosad ]</p>
