well i found out a couple of weeks ago that my H was having a FULL ON LOVE A! We just had our 1st wedding anniversary March 10th, 2001. He meet the OW May 2001 and started seeing her July 2001. Our son was born June 1, 2001. So basicly my H was seeing the OW when our son was only 1 month old and our marriage was just a few months new. Not to mention I was suffering from postpartum depression. <p>Around November was when I realy felt like he was seeing someone. All of the obvious signs. And lying to his grave. All along I acted like I knew he was seeing someone else. Their were just so many little things popping up. So I became Inspector Gadget ( i dont know how healthy that was). Well he was lying sooo much that I just had to uncover the real truth ( mostly for my own sanity). I felt like I was going crazy! And I am still dealing with my recovery from postpartum ( am being treated for it). I seeked professional help from a private investigator. Then I relized I realy didnt want to uncover the truth because no matter what I wanted to make our marriage work. Well, I couldnt stop myself from playing detective ,and guess what? I solved my own case! My smart H left VIDEOS of him and the OW in a secrect compartment that I never knew about before ( I sure did this time). All of the proof I needed was all on the tapes! Everything! Their was no lying this time.<p>During the time of my crazyness I relized I needed help for my self. Thank God I got it ( and am still continueing it). Had I not gotten that help I dont know how I would have reacted when I found those tapes. But because of my new found strength I was ready for it. After making myself view the tapes ( yes it was pretty much a porno tape) ( I dont know how healthy that was eaither but I had to uncover the entire truth and I needed to get her name) I picked myself up , called the investigator again and said help me unleash this the right way. I didnt want to go off on my H. I wanted to take care of myself and my kids first( I also have a 10 yr old girl), decide what I wanted, and how I was going to get it. I wanted to play all of my cards right. I knew the best way to get at my H was with his reputation. He has this rep for being the BEST GUY . He would never do anything like that? yeah right! But because I was bettering myself I realy didnt want to be vendictive. I was focusing my energy on myself and my kids.<p>So the tention was building up so bad in the house. He had no idea that I knew about the tapes. So he just kept on lieing and turning everything around on me. Saying he was acting like that because of me blah, blah, blah. Well it got to the point where he wanted to end it cause he just couldnt see any help for us. So thats when I dropped the BIG BOMB!! Boy he pooped his pants big time and of corse tryed to get out of it by saying " ok so now what are we going to do" . I said " not so fast, you arnt getting away with this that easy. Well for the next week he suffered from major depression, all of our friends, and family knew. His whole world came crumbling down and I didnt even have to lift a finger. On his own he decided he needed to turn his life around and make everything right again. He started by letting her go. Looking for a new job ( she works right by him), staying home, calling me constantly from work or the road, showing much love and affection, letting me talk about the whole A with him as part of my recovery, and he's being understanding. We are getting along and working on our marriage. We both feel this marriage and our baby needs a chance. We also discovered that we have a deep, deep love for each other that never went away. We found something worth fighting for. He says he realy lost his way and he took it too far. I want to see us pull through this. But theirs another part of me that says how the hell can I ever trust him again? Who is this man I married? How can a human being do ALL of this to someone after having their baby? Will he do this again? Is he still doing this? How can he cut it off with her so easily when he feel so deep in it with her? So many questions. Im trying to hang in there. Im trying to be strong . And im trying to set my boundries. This is the only chance he has. I cant take this again. Im giving him some time and if I have any suspisions I will uncover them again and move on from there. But I will only do it when Im ready to pack my bags and up root my kids. Im a stay home mom. We live in my in laws home. I dont have any parents or family besides my 2 sisters. I need to get my self together before I make any rash decisions. But Theirs that part of me that says I know we can get through this. And I love my H so much. My emotions change like the wind. I just cant wait for the peace and clearity. I cant wait till all of these thoughts of them get out of my head. I guess I just have to take this one day at a time.<p>Any advise? Please. Hope I didnt ramble on too much. I needed to vent .

P I,<p>You probably already read most about MB, the basic concept and Q&A. If not starts from there. Two things you have to make sure, first is no contact and let your H carries the burdun of prove ... let him prove it to your satisfactions. Second, make sure you & your H abide the 4 rules of recoveries ... care (fillin each other ENs), protections (avoid LB at any cost), time (spend as much as you can in quality times), and honesty (open up each other heart).<p>There are many had travel this path and they are stonger and happier living in fullfiling M. It will take awhile to get there and when you get there you both will feel like a soulmate ... this A will be a distant past.<p>Good Luck -RH-<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Thanks RH,<p>Finaly someone wrote me! I need to talk to someone. This is so hard. Im hanging in there. Sometimes I dont know if I can. My question is how do I realy know my H has stoped seeing the OW? And do my H and I read all the MB info together, do we work on it together or is it just me? It seems he shouldnt know all of the info , then he would know the plan? Im not sure but I would like some advice. He says he let her go and he is home all the time, being more loving and affectionate, doing pretty good actualy. The only thing is he could still be in contact with her from work. They work right by each other. My mind wanders and thinks " what if he is telling her lets keep it cool for a while then we can see more of each other later". I know I shouldnt think up my own thoughts and drive my self crazy but hes lied to me so bad I dont know what to believe. And how could he just let her go so easily ? I dont know. What should I do? Trust him and work on this marriage together? Please help! By the way he has been looking for a new job so he can relocate.<p>P I

P I,<p>You have to judge it yourself. If you have a doubt, you should not tall him at all about this site. This site is your support system. What you should do is print out LBQ and ENQ ask him to fill it up, use those for your plan A but never tell him what you are doing until the appropriate time. Another approach is get H to read SAA and HNHN and start recovery by following 4 rules of recovery ... care, protection, time and honesty. It is your call. If you could afford it you should ask your H if he is willing to work with MC, then call MB for schedule appointment.<p>There is no way for you to know if there is a contact at work. However by him start looking at other work place, it should give some deposit in your LB$. For male, we don't think with stuff between our ear but between our leg. It is easier to let go ... <p>IMHO, I would ask him to read SAA and HNHN and follow the 4 rules of recovery. You are so early in M if H is not honest you better let him go now than have a heartache later in life. Let him know your worry and start honesty from there.<p>Good Luck -RH-

Hi again RH,<p>I dont know what to do. Plan A is soo hard. My H is trying and I cant stop myself from LBing. I just keep on bringing up how much he hurt me blah, blah, blah. And hes telling me when I do that it just makes him want to give up. So why cant I just stop! I want to stop. Mainly for my own sanity. I want to let it go and move on. But its so hard and not truly knowing if he is still talking to her. He doesnt want to get counseling and I dont think I want to show him this website. we could work on the EN and the plan? But we JUST got into it big time. Because I couldnt stop! Sometimes I just want to leave. But I am totaly financialy dependant on him. And of corse I love him. Why else would I still be around?
Anyways, how do I handle Plan A? Its just so hard to let go. And I am keeping in mind what you said, about us only being married such a short time. And I am only 29. Should I invest more of my time in someone who could do this to me so soon? Or should I just move on while I still have some of my youth? <p>Please help me to deal with Plan A or give me some advise on what to do. I want to make it work, but how can I trust someone whose done this to me after such a short time? And part of me wants to move on. Also H is only 25. Weve been together since he was 22. Been married 1 yr. <p>Thanks again RH,
P I

Hi PI -- I'm pretty new at this too, but have been counseling with Jennifer Harley and it has helped me quite a bit in terms of seeing the benefits of plan A.<p>First, don't drive yourself crazy wondering whether or not he is still seeing OW. This ate me up for weeks. I had to find peace that I was doing the best I could and focusing on myself and my family and friends. I still have my moments where I am obsessed with this, but I try and take a deep breath and recognize that I have no control over this. Letting go of these thoughts is hard.<p>Second, you don't need to decide today whether you want to stay married to this man. This is really important for me to focus on right now. I am doing plan A to give myself the time to decide what I want to do. My actions will be the kindest and most honest I can be -- if my WH keeps acting like a total creep, then I will lose my love for him and I will know what I want.<p>Yes, your H acted like a total creep, but you need to do the things that keep you sane and make you the best you can be -- what does that mean? <p>While this is not a MB concept, part of what gets me through plan A is knowing that I am being a true, kind and honest person. I am not doing anything that I will regret or will cause me shame. I will not stoop to his level or the OW's level. <p>Hang in there. I know this is hard for you. It is (plan A) by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I am not a patient person, but I am learning to be patient. I am often critical and quick to judge, but I am learning not to be. If my marriage ends, I will walk away from this experience knowing that I tried and that I learned new attitudes, habits and skills that will make me a better person overall.<p>You can be strong -- there are a lot of us here to support you and help take your pain.

P I,<p>we could work on the EN and the plan?
Yes, this is plan A. And YOU HAVE TO STOP LB, NO EXCUSES<p>But I am totaly financialy dependant on him.
Just remember Dv will force him to pay you spousal support, the coure will look also how long you had been together, specially in CA. Check your state law. PI, I beleive M is an equal partnership, if one party feel inferior the that person has to work on that issue. Try to see if you could get a job and go to job training, your local county should provide alot of opportunity. Do it now while you can.<p>Anyways, how do I handle Plan A? Its just so hard to let go. And I am keeping in mind what you said, about us only being married such a short time. And I am only 29. Should I invest more of my time in someone who could do this to me so soon? Or should I just move on while I still have some of my youth?
Only you could decide. You have no kid and you still have a long years ahead of you. You have to take care yourself, no one will, if SO want to take care of you it is icing on the cake. You have to know your value and selfworth and don't let anyone tell you any different.<p>Please help me to deal with Plan A or give me some advise on what to do. I want to make it work, but how can I trust someone whose done this to me after such a short time? And part of me wants to move on. Also H is only 25. Weve been together since he was 22. Been married 1 yr.
unsureheart gave you a good pointers, please if you could afford it you should get either Jennifer or Steve from MB to consel you. Trust is earn not given, so with time you will see if you could "trust" H. However let him know that you have this issues w/o LB and let him resolve it ... I think he does try since he is moving job. You have to give him credit for that.<p>Get Divorce Remedy and/or Divorce Buster book, I think it is applicable to you ... put a specific time frame, at least 6 months to work it out and if there is no changes w/ his behavior or your feeling, you decide.<p>Good Luck -RH-

RH and Unsureheart,
Thanks so much for your replys. It means so much to me to have this support system. I just wish I read you replys this morning. I completely LOST IT!!! Total LB all the way! I couldnt stop my self. I just kept on. I let my WH know that I know hes still talking to the OW and sure enough he is. I know in a way I should expect that because its hard for him to just let her go so easily. But its so freakin hard being that understanding. He says they have just talked and he is really trying. Even if that is true, I totaly withdrew major-big time from his LB ( did i say that right? still learning the lingo). He even told me that by me doing this Im pushing him away even more. I still couldnt stop. Its like I want him to know he cant get over on me. I was making major threats to him and the OW! How ULUGY is that! I never wanted to get like that and Ive been working so hard at it, but sometimes my emotions get the best of me. We even called his Mom up and were all three going at it on the phone. nothing good came out of this. Were set back even way farther. I almost threw in the towel! And I dont even have a job or anywhere to go! <p>I picked up the phone when he was on it and he caslled the OW. I started making crazy threats. And he kept telling me to get off the phone. After all that he told me that he was calling her to really put an END to it. WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD I BELIEVE HIM? He also told me that she has a RO on me. I havent harassed her before but I guess now she has reason for it? <p>I dont want to be evil and I dont want to be stupid. I keep making everything worse.. Sometimes I just want to move away. I really want to. I dont know what to do, now he hates me even more and Im pushing him even more into her arms. But he is still here. He says he cant try when I keep questioning him or bringing up stuff, and I dont blame him. He said he cant move forward if I keep moving back. But how can I /we move forward if hes still in contact with the OW? The longer this goes on the more I dont want to be with him. But this selfish part of me wants to make sure she can never have him. I sound so sick. Its like I know what I need to do and I know whats right but I cant get my self to do it. I hope I can deal with it the way you are Unsureheart. I feel so sick. I feel like giving up. I cant stop crying. Im so hurt. And when I look at our baby it hurts me to think that we may not all be together as a family for him. ( by the way RH I do have kids- 10yr/G, & 10 mo/B ).<p>Anyways, please help if you can. I feel like I need lots of it today.Everyday. I want to stop this behavior. Reguardless. I want to come out of this as the bigger person ( not that thats my motive). But I dont want to stoop to their level. <p>Thanks again RH & Unsureheart. Your replys really help me. I will keep the both of you in my prayers and hope that you stay strong also.<p>P I

P I,<p>Now, you 've learned the hard way, I did too. So anytime you want to LB, take one deep breath and picture in your mind your H complaining about you to OW. The same mind picture I use and work for me.<p>This case w/ prove of contact what you want to do is plan A'ng and see how far it brings you. It is hard w/ plan A but if there is any love left from your H it should shows some result. I am sorry for your G and B, they the innocent victims in all of this.<p>Hang in there and vent in here .... -RH-

OK RH,<p>Im calm now. ive been on this site for a few hours. I think im ready to talk to my H. I want to approach him about starting plan A. I have been asking him latley about us working on this together and he has agreed. I just havent actualy done it yet. Can you give me some advise on how to start off? Now that we have everything out. (supposively). Even after our blow out hes still here and he says hes trying. Its just hard for him when Im LBing all the time. Please give me some advise on how to come at him with plan A, from start to end. <p>Thanks for your help RH<p>P I
Please respond asap. Im waiting to talk to him but I need some advise first .

PI,<p>I saw your post on the other board, you already had a lot of help.<p>You should not tell your H about your plan A since there is still contact. If he want to work it out, tell him to no contact and prove it to you. Second ask him to fill up ENQ & LBQ. If you are not comfortable with it, you could guess what it is.<p>IMHO, since there is a contact, you should just let him know that the continues contact is not acceptable and you are not happy with it. Do not even approach him w/ MB yet, it is not the time. Fill in LBQ & ENQ as if your H, guess from there. All you need is top 5 ENs not in any order of important and do it all. Try to remember his complaint about you & M before and after d-day. The issues are your basis for your plan A. Make action plans to address them. Do not bang yourself against something that you can not do or excuses ... i.e you can not change your race if SO complaint about interracial M.<p>Good luck -RH-

OK RH,<p>I did what you suggested. I told him where Im at as far as willing to work on our marriage. But ( i said) we need to start by being totaly honest with each other. We cant work on this if you plan on having contact with her. Then I said, are you going to completely cut it off with her? And he tried to turn it into something else. " I cant answer the way you want me too", I thought I already broke it off with her. ( heres the best part) " In my eyes I ended it".
So that was what he gave me, and I didnt push him to say anymore. I just told him " ok, if thats how you ened it in your eyes then I need to move on." period. And I left it at that. I didnt say I was moving out or I wanted a DV. I just said Im moving on. Which is something I guess I need to do anyway? So I some how picked up my self, went to church, prayed my heart out ( as I have soooo many times) and asked God to give me the strength to get through this and to do what is in his WILL not mine. I finally relized I cant change anybody but my self. And right now I need to change my self for the better. I cant continue to live my life like this. And where ever this path may lead me, only God knows. Only time will tell.<p>I sound ok for the moment. And I know my emotions will keep changing. When they do Im going to keep in mind what you said about " evertime I want to say something just think of my H telling the OW what a horrible person I am ". I think thats a good one for me. If I keep that in mind it should stop me . So Im trying to find my outlets and support . Thank God for this one! And I will just take it one day at a time. Please pray for me , anyone, everyone. I need it now more than ever.<p>Thanks again RH. Youve been the best!<p>P I

I forgot to ask you RH,<p>How should I ask him to prove it to me? Ive asked before and he just says he cant do things the way I want him to. ( which means he doesnt want to end it). What do I do and how do I go about it? If he wont prove it to me do I still continue with my own plan be and give him sometime ?<p>P I

PI,<p>don't tell him how to prove it to you. Tell him that 'one' of your needs (means there are more) is that he earns your trust back. <p>Then turn the tables and ask what would he do if you were doing what he did or is doing (remember you don't know everything but he does). His mind will start to crank up all kinds of thoughts. Now listen carefully to what he is saying because at this point his mind has more knowledge than he has given you but this type of question confuses him and he may not be able to filter out the stuff he has NOT told you. <p>At this point is when I found out more info. The WS in my situation basically overloaded and told confirmed my suspicions. That is when I found out that ea/pa was still going on. AS he was saying it he kept catching himself but he was on a roll and the words kept spewing out. Oh boy, it was important for me at that time to keep my cool. Real important. The WS was getting angry at his choice of words (the truth?!!?). In fact he even accused me of having an A (See I did this technique several times last year). <p>I listened, walked away (tempation to LB at this point is great). Went to ponder my next move. <p>Eventually I went to plan B. H did not know what hit him. Said I messed up his plans (what plans? He told me he didn't have any but I messed up what he didn't have anyway). Those accusations did not make sense then nor now. <p>Bottom line was that he and OW did have plans (see how I find it out?). I used his own words against him and more info came out. I did this over and over until I was satisfied. Then time would pass and if the WS was not earning back my trust, out came the ammo and I did it again. <p>I used his own words and but him in the other shoe and played it back to him. They think differently when they are not in the hot seat. <p>I am not sure if any of this is making sense. It took a while for me to get there but my H was a toughie. Confilict avoider and all......along with that an OW who honestly felt she was 'married' to the WS (at least emotionally). That is why this OW accused the WS of committing emotional adultery against the OW when he left her to come back home to his family. <p>Talk about stupid........ [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Thanks L.,<p>That kind of helps me. But right now Im hitting a low again. I feel like giving up. I dont want to be married to someone who can do this to me. And to have the freakin nerve to be giving me additude! Like Im the one whos having the A. When he acts like that it makes me hate him even more and I just want to move out. The problem is I dont have a job . I can stay with one of my sisters or a friend but that means up-rooting my kids and putting them through this. The baby wont know whats going on but my 10 yr old daughter will. And shes already been through so much in her little life. She went through my first DV ( my x was abusive) that was not her real father ( thank God), and just last year she was sexualy molested, not to mention shes at that adolesant age ( lots of changes). So I want to leave ( sometimes, mostly when I feel like this) but I know I should stay. At least for now until Im better situated (emotionaly, financialy, etc...). But sometimes I just cant take it! I dont deserve this treatment! I dont want to put up with this! Why do I have to be the strong one? Why do I have to hang in there, why do I have to fight for my marriage? Sometimes its just so hard to be so strong. Another huge part of me wants to make sure that my WH and the OW DO NOT end up together! I know I cant stop those kinds of things, but I want to sooo bad!. Well he is still here. And hes TRYING not to leave ( i guess hes showing me) but were not getting along right now due to my blow out yesterday. I feel like I pushed him into her arms even more. So what do I do? I was doing good with showing EN and then I did so many LB's and just messed it all up. I think in our case it has been more of the LB's that got him to this point, not so much as the EN ( allthough I know there is some that need to be met). But my behavior has always been such a huge problem in our relationship and I know I need to control it. HELP!!!!
Gosh, I must sound like a wreck! I guess thats why this site is here, so we can vent and get support. I need so much support right now. <p>Thank you for your support.<p>P I

PI,<p>Well you both are not good company for each other right now and all this infront of the children is not going to make things better. <p>Howz about this? He go stay with a friend or family for a few days until things cool down? Yes, this may mean more OW contact or not. <p>You need to realize what is within your control and what is not. You both may need anger management type of counseling. How quickly can you get to a counselor? Tomorrow? Steve and jennifer offer phone counseling. Try to see if you can see one of them. <p>Do you want to talk? I am at work but can talk later. I have a few free weekend minutes left on my cell. <p>Let me know. <p>L.

Hi PI -- Sorry I was off the boards this weekend. First, you haven't done or thought anything that most of us haven't done also. There are good days and bad days and there are set backs. It is tough when the WS is "giving you attitude" -- that is the hardest for me because I want to LB big time and lecture him on how ridiculous he is making the situation out to be -- making it my fault that he had/is having an A. In some ways I feel like I am lying when I act all calm and nice when all I really want to do is scream at the top of my lungs.<p>HOWEVER, it's better to vent here than at the WS. I find reading here each morning really helps me/calms me down and I feel less alone. Reading books helps too -- I have read Surviving Affairs by the Harleys, Love Busters by Harley, After the Affair, Torn Asunder, Private Lies and Divorce Busting. Since I can't sleep at night, I read and the books and this site have really made me see that many of these affairs and the reactions by the WS are the same. It helps to make you see that a lot of the WS reaction is totally out of your control.<p>Whenever you feel like you are about to LB, I would think about your 10 year old and love you feel for your children and they feel for you. This will help calm you down.<p>One thing one of my counselors said to me once really helps. She said that you married your husband and agreed to be there with him in sickness or in health. She said that I needed to view this as a sickness. I needed to be strong for as long as I could.<p>I hope you're having a better day today. We're here with you.

Thanks L. and Unsureheart,<p>I look forward to hearing from you. It really helps and really means alot. L., I would love to talk when ever you have time. I would like to get counseling also but I cant afford it. I was seeing a marriage counsler ( by myself ) through our insurance but I seem to get so much more from here. <p>As far as us seperating, neither one of us wants that. Sometimes I feel like I need it but when Im calm I dont want to leave or want him to leave. I said what I had to say to my H and left it at that . I decided to just shut my mouth ( easier said than done)and see what happens. I relize I have no control over what my H says, does, and feels. I only have control over myself. So yesterday at church I just prayed my heart out for God to just take all of this uglyness into his hands and to keep me on my path. To give me strength and to continue to call on me. As for my H I relize I can only pray for him to find his path ( where ever that may lead him ). But I know I need to move on ( in my own way ). I wont make any rash decisions, just changes within myself ( something that has been needed for a long time ). And I will just have to see where that will take me. Eaither way I need to become a stronger, healthier person. I feel Im on my way . And I may sound pretty good for the moment but check back on the site in a few hours and Im sure I'll be down again ( lets hope not).<p>As for my H, he did start to come around again, after/during church. That always seems to help. Im just going to keep trying to be a better person and TRY to stop LBing. And I will just have to see how he reacts. I think/hope that he realizes what he needs/wants now. What ever happens I just hope its not to late for us. I hope one of us doesnt give up when the other finaly decides to really try.<p>Im going to try my hardest to let him go and do his own thing without LBing him to death. Any pointers that helped you? Please help in anyway you can. I need so much support through this. Its nice to see that their are others that have made it through this and came out even stronger.<p>Are all of the counslers ( from this site)prices expensive?<p>Thanks again,
P I
P.S. L., how do I get in touch w/ you?

Hi PI --<p>The counseling from this site is a bit pricey, but I was desperate. Right after I found out and I went in to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases, I had a complete breakdown in my doctor's office. She sent me to a counselor that was helpful at first, but then so focused on my improving myself by chucking my WH out the door/divorce that I needed to talk to somebody else. I can't afford too many sessions, but am going to try a few more even if that means borrowing some money from my folks -- they have been that helpful.<p>However, if you cannot afford the MB counseling, keep reading and posting here. It is very helpful and keeps me sane seeing others that are experiencing something similar. <p>My WH and I are separated, which at first I thought was a big mistake and just allowed him to spend time with OW. What I have come to realize is that this has actually helped me deal with my anger. Unfortunately, I did LB as we speak at least twice a day on the phone and I see him once during the week and on weekends. <p>Now that we have been apart for a while, being separated has helped me learn to be patient, manage my anger and realize that even though I badly want my marriage to work, I can survive on my own. By surviving I don't mean financially (I am ok without him/not great in that regard but ok), but surviving being alone. I have reconnected with friends and family in a way that I would not give up even if our marriage were to be perfect tomorrow.<p>I realize how dependent I had become on my WH for so many things emotionally and for my happiness. Not a fair burden to place on anyone and I was missing out on friendships that I now don't know why or how I let them languish or fade.<p>Get the book divorce busting by Michelle Weiner Davis -- I found that one particularly helpful (in addition to the harley books) plus there is a suggestion on how to find and what to look for in a marriage or individual counselor. You may be able to find someone a bit cheaper than the MB counselors through that -- although I still recommend the Harley's.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
When you feel like giving up, look to Him,
When all around you is a storm, look to Him,
He will give you peace when you need it, He will look after you, "nothing is impossible with God"
Remember these things, as He will remind you when you need them.
Remember the story of Jesus walking on the water?
Peter asked him if he could walk on the water, so Jesus said "come to me", Peter was walking on the water, but as soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus, and saw the storm all around him, he got frightened and started to sink, he cried out to Jesus, and Jesus held out His hand and pulled him out.
Cry out to Jesus when you feel like giving up, stop looking at the circumstances, and let Him be your focus through it all.