D-day was April 20. my husband said he wanted to work on our marriage, but will not make an apt. to be tested for std's or a counseling appt.<p>he says the affair is over, but he still works with her and will not look for a new job.<p>so last week i told him he had 1 week to make appt. or move out.(this ultimatum advice came from a counselor i spoke to) he moved out last night. he called and said he fealt it wasn't fair that he pay all the bills and not be living here and plus pay rent for himself. i told him that nothing that has happened to me lately has been fair and if he just would have made the appt. for the counselor at least he could have stayed around. <p>i feel that because of his actions now, i cannot even be sure the affair is over. <p>why does the WS feel they still deserve anything after what they have done, and when they won't even show an effort for counseling?? <p>i want him to come home because he wants to do whatever it takes to make it up to me and because he can't live without me. i thought he wanted to work things out but his actions show no proof!<p>d-day=April 20, 2002
me=29, WH=26
son=4, baby girl on the way

heenie,<p>Congrat, you have kicked out you H ... now what ?. What happen if A was really over but since you kicked H out ... H runs and cries to OW ?. You might jump started his A.<p>Learn as much as you can about MB ... start with general welcome. Some MC will do more harm than good to your M.<p>Good Luck -RH-

He was away for 1 night. he called and made a counseling appt. and the counselor advised him to come home before things got to easy appart. so i fealt it was ok since the counselor advised it. <p>It really helped him with a reality check of what he could be in for.(on his own, paying our bills, not in our house) and thankfully he did not like it. <p>he said he is starting to feel disgust for the other girl(A) and angry that his complaints of me turned into an A. (the A lasted 1 month and is over)<p>I believe a miracle has begun to happen and recovery can now begin. Recovery could never have started without counseling and a shake in him of what life would be like without me.<p>M=5yrs
d day=4-20-02
son=4, daughter=due in june

heenie,<p>You are lucky that between you & your H there are a lot love left to feel. I am glad it turn out this way. Some people use 'tough love' and really lost their SO to OP. Not all cases are the same. MB takes a very safe stand ...<p>Anyway ... get the SAA or you could get info of how to recover your M. Basically 4 rules of recovery ... 1. Care - learn about each other ENs and fill in 'till LB$ overflowing. 2. Protection - learn not to LB, protect his love bank for you. 3. Time - spend quality time, undivided attentions time to each other ... minimum 15 Hr/week. 4. Honesty - radical honesty not to hurt or to protect SO's feeling but to have no wall between spouses such that you could be one mind ... nothing to hide.<p>I appologize for my response to your first post, I do not mean to flame you but to see if you could realize that kicking WS could be very dangerous. In MB we use plan A/B approach dealing with WS & A.<p>Take care your health ... you will have an additional member to your family any time now. I thanks the Lord that your situation turn out for the better.<p>God Bless you -RH-