Yesterday was a bad day for me. I made a choice. Plan B. Very hard decision, but I do feel that it is the right one. <p>My WH is currently living with his parents after moving out of house he shared with OW. (He only took his clothes, left other stuff there), so he never made a clean break with her. He has been visiting us (me & kids) almost everyday for 6 weeks or so. We have been a family again...things were looking up, but I had begun to notice the signs again. H has pulled away again, and he confessed that OW is still waiting in the wings. He has not told OW that he was in a relationship with me at all, only that we were friendly with each other. He had led me and kids to believe that we were working on our relationship slowly, that is why he was staying with his parents. He was not ready to risk hurting us all again by moving back in and then leaving again. <p>So, I opted for Plan B. It hurts, but I believe it is the best thing. We already went to mediation for Child Support/visitation, so we are going back to what we agreed upon. Kids will be with their dad every other weekend.<p>My question is: What about our kids? Daughter/12, son/8<p>My D has had so many problems in school, with friends, grades, emotionally. I am most afraid of hurting my children. How do I explain to them again about what's going on? How do I break their hearts again? My son has just been confused. Doesn't know what to think. My D knows our story, has seen so much, I'm afraid. I suppose counseling for them is the best thing. I cannot afford it though. I am afraid. Any advise? How do I tell them Daddy won't be coming around anymore? How do I hurt them? <p>WH has been so selfish, only thinking about himself. 3 years so far of rejection/being abandoned/anger/adultery/pain. I still love him so much, sometimes I think I must be sick!

My prayers are with you! My story is similar to yours and I just wanted to give you the encouragement to hang in there! Everything can be grat again some day! Yes, it's going to be hard on the kids! My kids were both incredibly confused and hurt by my husbands decisions. My only advise is to draw close to God and let Him be your children's Father right now. My kids both went through a tuff time, but I never hid anything from them. There was enough lying going on that I couldn't do it to them too. <p>Plan B was super tuff and I questioned at the time if it was the right thing to do. It took me a couple weeks to get through the tuff part and then I started to realize that I could be happy without my spouse. I turned my life over to God and when I did that, God brought my husband back to me.<p>Hang in there! I will be praying for you and your kids! <p>Le

Somehow I believe that God will turn him around and bring him back to me. I pray. That is my hearts desire anyways! God has always been faithful! Going through all of these trials really has brought me closer to God! I do trust him, I have to trust him to tell me what steps to take. It's all of this pain that is hard to handle, but as I see it, no matter what, "I" will be a better person for it whether my marriage works or not!!! Something good must be coming my way because I have had so much bad! <p>I decided to take what my H had brought to the house and return it. I just got back from MIL's house. I didn't want to watch H come over here and pick it up and leave. It is too painful. I'd rather do it myself. Also, maybe he will know that I mean business. I am too vulnerable around H, and he knows it and takes advantage of me. I can't have that anymore! I think I upset his mother. Didn't mean to drop that on her. I was hoping she wasn't home, but she was there. <p>I will figure out what to tell the kids I guess. I would prefer H to do it. He needs to take some responsibility for his actions. Thank you for your response. It's nice to hear that your marriage is working!! Congrats. to you!!!

just_me,<p>I have 2 D , 13 years & 9 years. Don't be in the middle ... be truthfull, They know !!!. They are very resillient and they are very smart. Answer every questions best you can based on fact, if you are not comfortable you could tell them to ask WS. Just be there for them, let them know you love them and WS loves them too but right now WS has some issue to deal with. Look your kids as BS would reacts !. They want to know the truth ... IMHO, tell them the fact ... the truth is one's oppinion or view on the fact. They will draw their own view.<p>Hang in there -RH-

I definately agree that your husband should be the one to tell the kids. The couselor that I was seeing made my husband be the one to tell and it was probably the hardest thing he has ever had to do. Sad thing is that once was not enough for him. <p>You are not the "bad guy" here and the kids will figure that out right away.<p>Take Care,<p>Le

Thank you for your posts! I agree that my H should tell the kids. I will do my best to get thru this again. Oh it is so horrible. I think my kids already know. They have seemed to be able to pick up on something in the air, but I want H to explain his reasons to them. <p>Daughter walked in on me last night when I was crying. I don't want her to see me so down. I have to be strong for them. I love them! I know I will get thru the hurt, but must make sure that they will too!!! Thanks again!

my husband is being completely selfish too.he is wanting the house- i do not work, have a 4 year old and am 8 months prego. he is saying now that he wants to file for divorce and we can live together until the baby comes and the D is final. yeah right i can not handle it emotionally right now and i am staying with my dad, much less living under the same roof. give me a break.<p>it is all part of the fog-so i have learned-. i just feel like he may never come out of "the fog".
he is saying he doesn't love me anymore either. <p>so i wonder what kinds of things make them "come out of the fog"?<p>anyway- the games are so hard to deal with and put up with and stay strong through.

I just wanted to say that I had heard a sermon a few weeks ago that preached about "let your yes, be yes, and your no, be no!" Something that we don't realize is that when we say YES to something, we must also so NO to others. Kind of wierd because I woke up this morning and that was the first thing that came to my mind. As though God was reminding me of that, that it was time to say No! So, it hurts, but is necessary! God bless!

I understand what the fog is like. My H has been in it many times, also have I! It's pure selfishness. I believed that I was in love with OM, but finally realized (only thru giving my life back to God, church, studying the word) that what I felt for OM was brought about thru my sinning. I couldn't accept that. It would never have worked, not in long term. I emotionally attached myself to OM. I gave everything to him and in turn I forgot/hid any feelings for my H. God brought me out of that. I broke it off completely without anybody helping me except the Word. I accepted that I still loved my H and was willing to do anything to make it succeed. At least I would be doing the right thing verses the selfish thing. <p>Again, my story is very long, too long to tell. If you look up my old posts you could read a bit. I read it only to see what changes took place. Sometimes I forget what happened. It has been a long 3 yrs. Also, my H posted a few times. (Robsconfusion). I enjoy reading about how much he loved me. I still have hope. I don't believe that God brings two people together, just to have all of this happen. I am fighting for my marriage, I may be doing it alone, but still fighting! Pray works miracles!

Last night my FIL calls about 9:20pm wanting to know if everything is alright. He must of thought that my H was here. I told FIL that "you know where he is". He went back to OW! I am sure he didn't go back to his parents house. It just killed me to realize what I already knew would happen. <p>This morning I have been a wreck. I decided to e-mail a final letter to OM.(yes, our relationship has been over for months, but I never told OM boldly that there was never a chance for us. So, I decided this morning to write e-mail to OM to finalize things. I believe this was the right thing to do. I knew that OM was hanging on to hope for us. I decided to send it to my H also so that he could read it and know how I feel. Please tell me if you think this was the right thing to do!

Let your H know your wrote a final letter to the OM but it has been over for a while? Hm..... need to bring in bigger guns for this question. Can you take this over to GQII? Both of you are the Ws & Bs. This adds a different twist. At this time plan B was your decision not your H's how to you think he will react? <p>L.