I have thought about this allot and I have started thinking of my H's affair differently. I know it may seem stupid to some but really it is one of the only things that keeps me from emotionally beating myself up 24/7.<P> Like most couples H and I had previous sexual encounters before we met. So I have started think of the OW like I would a Woman from his past. It really has helped me allot.<P> No it does not make what my H did any better, but it is for me. NOw instead of Ow being in my present, she is in my and H's Past.<P> For a week now my H has been increadible! I keep waiting for the bubble to burst. I don't know if it is my different attitude or his, I think a little of both. But I just thank God for answering so many prayers. And pray that It stays this good. Thank you all for listening. <P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

Hi, secret<P>I've been doing the same thing, trying to view the EMA's just past sexual experiences.<P>It seems to dull the pain a little, the more I try to view things in that way the easier it is to deal with what my W did<P>Wish U luck <P><BR>Jason

Actually that is a good idea. She was a part of your "past" marriage. And now you are in your "present" good marriage. It makes perfect sense to me. Congratulations and I hope things keep going well.

My h had no past experiences before me. I am having to deal with him actually having had sex with someone else for the first time on top of the fact that we had already been married 13 years when he did.<P>I've tried to think of it as the old marriage and the new marriage, but then I end up thinking about how I would never start a relationship with someone who was capable of doing what he did so that doesn't work for me.<P>The higher the pedestal we put our spouses on the further they fall and the harder it is to put them back up there.

First, what is EMA?<P>

EMA is an "Extra Marital Affair"<P>Jason

Thanks, and DUH do I feel stupid.

It could also stand for Extremely Mutilating Another.<P>Maybe Excessive Macho Attitude.<P>Maybe Eat Me *******.<P>I better stop

hehe......<P>lol<BR> <BR> <P>Jason

I think that thinking of her as a woman from his past was easier for me than it was for most but harder in some ways. She was a woman in his past but I didn't know all the parts she had played in his life (like the sex stuff and how she had had an affair with him before on a previous girlfriend who he almost married) I have now made him come completely clean with not only her but any other little inconsequencial information that probably would have saved me some grief. Knowing that she had pulled this junk before would have alerted me to her true nature and I don't think he wanted me to know that and judge her before hand, BULL! I know that's the reason he didn't tell me before, he's not stupid and neither is she, she figured that since I didn't know it gave her certain freedom to try again!<BR>It's humorous now, looking back but imagine the pain that came with THAT discovery! It was almost like a triple betrayal from the two of them! <BR>But now he's so supportive, and I can't help but be glad because I think he really realizes what he almost lost! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

When I have considered how I will deal with my husband when he someday returns to our marriage, I have thought of handling the situation in exactly that way. Please keep us posted on how effectively this works for you, as it is an excellent idea, at least for some of us.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>

Thank you all for your response's.<BR>Essyboo:<BR>As I tried to think of someone in your position and how they would handle this new way of thinking. And yes it is different for you. But as Mitzi put it so well, " Past Marriage", VS. "Present Marriage".<BR> I know for you this must seem so hard, but just remember That one liner in your wedding vows.<BR> "WHAT GOD BRINGS TOGETHER LET NO MAN( OR WOMAN) PUT ASUNDER (SPELLING)". <BR> <BR>A simple line with so much meaning. I will keep you in my prayers that you God will give you a way to deal with this horrible pain that we are all working to get past. <P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

It has already been Put Asunder by him the moment he had the affair. <P>There was no dedication to me by him, his vows were made to God not me. He promised God he would be faithful and when he lost faith in God he acted on his desires. I did not in any way have a part in him staying faithful to him in the first place. It was not out of any devotion to me. <BR>

Essyboo,<BR>I was in no way saying it was your fault. I was just saying that,<BR> Sometimes we walk out of God's will and marry someone, but GOd can turn something bad into something wonderful. And something I have been trying to learn is, Even though GOd permits divorce under infidelity that still does not mean it is his perfect will for our lives. Because God hates divorce. Belive me I know how hard this can be to understand. <P> My H does not even believe there is a God. So I have to do all the praying and believing in this Marriage Miracle in my house. <BR> My prayers are with you.<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

I too believe that would much prefer for all marriages to stay together, even beyond infidelity. That was his plan for us.<BR>

I admire your strenght to try and put Your husbands affair behind you. I wish i hadprevious experienced to help me deal with my pain. My H and I were high school sweethearts and each others only sexual partner for 10 years till now. I can no longer say we have had no other sexual partners when asked at a doctors office. Since My H's affair is My affair too.<BR>Confusedwife