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Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465571 04/19/03 11:32 PM
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whatnow57 Offline OP
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whatnow57
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Tonight is the first night of Plan B. Tomorrow WS is coming for Easter egg hunt for daughter. Since I found out Nov. 2002, I believed him when he said he had NC with OW but on 3 subsequent occasions I found out differently, and the last straw was when she called our house the other night and set me straight. I don't need this much drama in my life! I feel plan B somewhat plays into the hands of OW but after lies upon lies, from WS, I felt I needed space. Is plan B no contact? We need some contact because of our daughter. WS says he loves both me and OW but that it's over with her (not to be believed). Please help me figure out what is the right thing to do?
Doormat no more...
B
Re: Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465572 04/20/03 07:06 PM
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redhat Offline
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whatnow57,

You did the right thing by setting your boundry but make sure you have wrote him plan B letter. Did you ?. He could pick you kids in front of the door and leave ... the same way when he drops them. For communication, you could use email or text messaging. I still use them, I have NC with my exW.

-rh-
Re: Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465573 04/21/03 09:52 PM
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whatnow57 Offline OP
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Thanks redhat - I've read other posts about the letter but I am not sure what it is supposed to say. Can you tell me where to look it up?
We even said tonight we don't think we're doing this separation thing right because nothing has changed except H is sleeping at apt.
Re: Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465574 04/21/03 10:32 PM
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redhat Offline
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whatnow57:
<strong>Thanks redhat - I've read other posts about the letter but I am not sure what it is supposed to say. Can you tell me where to look it up?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's new ... I might even question your plan A ... Listen, some of us are not DoItYourSelfMBer. I had conseling with SH too. Get H to agree to conseling with MB. Anyway, here is one example of plan B letter. It is actually a love letter, acknowledging your mistake, bringing back the good time, beleive in that M will survive A by ending A and commit to M .... until then NC is called for.

-rh-
Re: Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465575 04/21/03 10:53 PM
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whatnow57 Offline OP
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thanks again, rh, for your help. I feel utterly clueless sometimes.
The Plan B letter seems so drastic. I'm not sure I can do it. I have probably screwed up plan A and am on my way to screwing up plan B. You are so right. We are definitely not do-it-yourselfers. My H is open to doing some MB counseling, however he has lost his job and money is tight. (at first I celebrated, since he was working with OW). I have also read that the WS should write a letter? What's that about? How do I know (how will I ever know?) that all contact with OW has been severed?
wn
Re: Too much drama - I just started Plan B
#465576 04/22/03 02:05 AM
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redhat Offline
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whatnow57,

FollowHow to survive infidelity then decide if you still need to go conseling. Actually my total bill w/ Steve including for my wife it not even half what I paid for lawyer retainer of Dv. This is just $ not to count losses of my 2 D's innocent.

When A ends to prevent any further relapses, WS suppose to write NC letter and you read and deliver it to OW. WS also has to be accountable for his actions ... such as time, money, communication access and also getting help from BS to watch out for other trigger button. You never know if the contact is ended, if one willing one will find a way. You have to let H earn your trust.

-rh-

<small>[ April 22, 2003, 02:05 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

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