Lojay -
Yea, I feel like you a lot. Have you read either Dr. Harley's SAA or Michelle Weiner Davis'
The Divorce Remedy? Both of those helped trememdously in showing me how to be patient and helping me maintain my cool.
As to the how to become ED question. I don't know that it's a good idea in any event. You need your emotions to guide you. Just be weary that you don't let them control you. I think anyone can empathize with your frustration. But remember, most of us BS' probably wondered (or at least I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) how our spouses could ignore the "for better or worse" part of our vows, now it's our turn to really step up to the plate.
In situations like yours and mine (i.e., spouses choosing to end the A instead of just letting it run its course or have the A be ended by OP), we should acknowledge, whether we want to or not, that spouse probably ended the A for us. So we can't let them down now, when they need us the most.
I expected my H's depression and he and I have discussed it a few times. After reading SAA and making the decision to keep fighting for our M, I had a vague idea of what I'd need to do. And being there for H, especially as he works OW out of his system is probably the most important thing I'll do throughout this whole process. Because it's the only thing I'll be doing without his help.
As to figuring out that elusive boundary of being taken advantage of. You know your H better than anyone and you know when he's stretching the limits or trying to push you to see what he can get away with. If you're seeing a MC (or an IC) talk to them about H's behavior. It may be that your H is still going through withdrawal from the A and I think only time can fix that.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more help. Good luck and remember that other's know what you're going through and you have a place where people will understand.
4Words
