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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 365
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dd50 Offline OP
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D
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 365
Just a question:

There's been no cheating in this marriage, but I know I've hurt my husband by my words and disrespect ... as Harley states, and I have now seen how that has LB'ed him and depleted his love bank. BUT on the other hand, he's cut my spirit into many pieces by his neglect and lack of showing love and not supporting me also.

So ... now I've been trying so hard to hold this marriage together for so long, and I feel I've been doing plan A for most of our marriage, except for those few months that I LB'ed calling him names and showing him disrespect. For the last few weeks, I've done Plan A completely, but find myself being drained and losing energy to continue. He has filled out questionnaire, but told me he doesn't really want to work on our marriage now, he wants to separate.

Despite his neglect and disinterest in saving our marriage ... I've been really using all my energy to hang in there. Now my health is suffering and I have no more physical energy and losing emotional energy fast!

My question: Should I go into Plan B now? Does Plan A and B work when there's not cheating? I did read a few paragraphs from Dr. Harley about this, and he says it can work sometimes ... without infidelity ... but I'm just wondering how often it can .. and how successful it's been?

Because he keeps pulling away .. even though he knows my number one need is 'Affection', and I've been giving him his number one for so long, I'm just about to give up and walk away! I mean, how long can I do this without anything in return? I'm also having some serious health problems right now ... and am beginning to feel like, the hell with him ... I need to take care of myself and get healthy first ... so that's why Plan B is looking good to me!

Any thoughts, suggestions, opinions?

Thanks!
Dee

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,251
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,251
Dee, yes, Plan B can be completely appropriate if there is no infidelity. Since there's no imminent threat to the marriage, it should be approached more slowly and cautiously, but it's still a definite option.

As for your particular situation,I would say that it's about two weeks past time for Plan B for you. I also wonder whether there's an undiscovered affair, but that's immaterial right now.

Can you start writing a Plan B letter and getting things set up to do it? What's it going to take to get it done in the next month?


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