My wife says she just cannot do this any otherway, so she has moved out with our children to live with another man. This was now 4 days ago. I will live within 20 mins.

We have grown very very close in these last final 8 weeks of being together and she says we have a chance, that she cannot live a lie and will leave him if she decides for me. But of course she has already left me.

I am so unsure if plan B will work. Allthough plan A "failed" it produced a chance where previously nothing existed.

I am so unsure if plan B will work.
What do you mean by Plan B not working?
A successful Plan B is not necessarily reconciliation.

Allthough plan A "failed" it produced a chance where previously nothing existed.
Then Plan A did not fail in any wat at all.

Have you read "Surviving An Affair"?
This is where Plan A abnd Plan B come from.

Chris,

I guess my post did not contain enough detail.

Looking at it the hard way this is no longer an affair? She has chosen to leave me physically but does not want to end our marriage/relationship.


Since my wife announced that she was leaving me over some 8 weeks ago I guess I have been doing a PLAN A. It did not stop her from leaving. To quote her
" I have to take these steps now, but we are not dead".

I guess my question is ( putting aside this Plan A/B terminology ) that in an extreme way we are working on final separation/coming back together while she is living with another man.! I just do not know if limiting our contact/behaviour to the min. (for a healthy parent relationship for the children) is the right way to go or do I by "withdrawing" from what we started in the last 8 weeks push her further towards the other man?.

My therapist says I should keep my distance, because she ultimately has to choose and I need to protect my self and start to prepare a new life

It's so difficult.

Menorca.....First off, are you still here?

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I've got a couple comments and a couple questions...

..Did your WW move out and take your children? Are you still in your home? If so, why are the children not with you?

..Have you set up any type of separation agreement with your WW?

..Have you been able to read Surviving an Affair?

..Looks like your WW is keeping you at bay while she lives her fantasy. She has you "standing by" with "I have to take these steps but we are not dead". What does that mean? You stay where you are and if I determine OM isn't what I thought he was, I'll come back to you??

..Does your therapist follow MarriageBuilders principles?


I know most of this sounds like I'm 2x4ing you, but really I'm not. Just trying to piece together what I've read. It sounds like you need legal advice quickly as well. Have you spoken to a lawyer? Children, finances, everything happens quickly if you let it.

I'm in the middle myself, but I've learned quite a bit from so many "experienced ones" including Chris - CA123.

Take your post to General Questions II. There is so much more help there and a hell of alot more folks posting.

Hang tough. You've obviously been on this roller coaster ride for awhile. Now you've got to take some definitive action......LS