Except for a few setbacks scattered along the way my wife and I are experiencing again a romantic love that is truly wonderful. I can see a look of love in her that is so peaceful it is almost angelic. <P> We try to say a little prayer twice a day thanking God for giving us a chance to be one again. What a price to pay for this awakening, but that must have been the only way He could reach us and we both think it is worth the reward. <P> Aren't we suppose to forgive and forget the past? We both have forgiven each other, but for some reason I can't forget about anything she has told me of her affair or for that matter anything I may dream up of on my own.<P> She wants to live for the future since discovery for me two months ago. And she is probably right. I have always loved her but the romance is back and very much alive. I should be focusing on our future and not allow my thoughts to create the terrible feelings we both have experienced because of the affair. It is just very difficult for me to put these memories aside when they creep up in our relationship.<P> If I could somehow find a way to do just that (put the memories aside) because she doesn't reflect on OM unless I bring them up. Sometimes she doesn't even answer me when I ask a specific question or emply something about them. I guess she is wiser than I am although I think I could probably handle any answer she would give me.<P> I know God will heal us and take care of us in time, I just wish He would hurry up.

CRC:<P>If you and your wife agree to living by the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>"Four Rules for a Successful Marriage"</A>, then you know that Honesty is one of those components. Complete honesty. And right now, your wife isn't being completely honest. <P>If she's doing this because she's afraid of your reaction, then you need to change your behaviors in regards to dealing with honesty in a way that puts her at ease.<P>If she's doing this to protect you, it's well-meaning, but ill-advised. Offer her the reason why honesty is so important in marriage, and see if you can agree.<P>You shouldn't dwell on the past. But it's only been two months, and that's not a lot of time. This will get better in a year, and better still after two. It takes time. But it sounds like your recovery is going down the right path.

CRC,<P>WOW...it is nice to hear good news! Sharing your happiness that things are going well. Keep your eyes forward and spend your time thinking about the good things to come, not those things that have passed and can never be changed.<P>K makes a good point about honesty. It would be great if you two could sit down and clear the air once and for all and that would help in keeping forward-focused.<P>Good luck!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited January 03, 2000).]

CRC,<P>We are in a very similar situation. I am only about three months into my recovery and I assure you that if there is mutual love, it does get better. My W and I are seeing a therapist and the one piece of advice she gave me was that I need to talk myself through the memories that pop up uncontrollably. When I am starting to feel the anxiety, I need to remind myself of the future and the progress we have made in our lives since the event happened. I also talk to God and ask him to help guide me through the pain this has caused. This has helped me considerably. I still think about it daily (although much less frequently and with much less pain), but I am able to handle the horrible feelings by putting faith in God and our relationship. The only way your relationship will survive is with trust. If you do not trust your Wife, there is little hope. Accept the fact that is has happened and continue to push forward. The thoughts will eventually fade but will never be forgotten. Take the event and extract the positive. Use the event as reminder of how hard you and wife have to work in order to maintain a fruitful life together. It was a devastating event and will always be. Just ask the Lord to help you through this. He works is mysterious ways and I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I am not trying to preach but if you believe in Him, let him help you through this and continue to tell yourself that you cannot let this take over your life. You seem to love your wife very much and do not let this event interfere with the love that can exist. It will take time, but it does get better.<P>Cordially<BR>Optimistic<P>"Get busy living or get busy dying"<BR>