In my case, I'm back from a week of having my phone service disconnected, so I couldn't get online from home! (Took last week off for well-earned R & R.)<P>My update's this. W and I had a really bad fight around the beginning of Dec. over what she called my "stalking" of her (and over her affair too, which she still denies). We spent separate holidays, her with her family, me home along (which I actually enjoyed, as it gave me an opportunity to catch up on my reading).<P>Anyway, we did end up going to a Y2K party on New Years Eve together and had a blast. We'd been sleeping separately for over a month, but when we got back, well, somehow we managed to celebrate the new millenium by making love and then again in the morning. Amazing, because it sounded to me like she was on the verge of leaving.<P>Maybe she still is, I don't know. I told her I didn't want her to go but wouldn't try to stop her. We've gone back to sleeping separately but at least are a lot more friendly. (She put on a little Hello there! display for me this morning as I was leaving for work.) I'm still nuts about her (can't talk myself out of these feelings) even though I'm continuing the snooping and she's continuing her affair. (Just had one of her little trysts with the OM yesterday, I strongly suspect.)<P>Ah, life goes on.<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hi Wex -<P>MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!<P>I've been breaking from here a lot myself....just wanted to get my mind and heart on something other than this stuff for the holidays.<P>Did pretty good ..... at least they weren't the hell that they were the previous three years!!!<P>I am glad to see you around and hope that this new millenium will bring some new happenings for all of us in a forward and happy motion!!!!<P>BIG NY HUGS,<P>Sheba

Wex,<P>Welcome back, I guess. Would be nicer if NONE of us had to be here. <P>At least you got some....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

hi wex!<P>missed your kind, insightful posts..<P>ups and downs seem to be abundant right now, check my alias "the good news" and POGP "What the counselor said and did".<P>I guess you would probably say "Well at least he is being honest and at least he is at home, and you are right, but it still feels like the same jerking around sort of thing you described as far as your New Years.<P>praying for us all,<P>love liz\pearl<BR>(who is wearing a pearl and diamond ring on her left hand now, instead of the old wedding set that means so little...I have swapped it to my other hand, so the kids don't think anything strange.<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Wex,<P>Hi there. Glad you are back as well.<P>I'm so sorry that you had the fight with your wife during beginning of December. Holidays are so hard on people and people in our positions have even a harder time I think. Memories seem to be our comfort and also our pain. (I have thought about lobotomy a few times. )<P>I was really glad about the Y2k party and the results the following morning. Yeah...Yeah...Yeah.<P>I believe that is a good sign. <P>Have you ever talked to Steve Harley? I haven't but if I could afford it I would. I think he has many Pearls of Wisdom and so much experience that if you can afford the fee it would be well worth it.<P>I am going to think long and hard as to what I would do in your situation with wife having and ongoing affair. Maybe because of the phone call I got alerting me of his affair helped nip it in the bud. Also he is by nature a very honest (although self centered person).<P>I have to tell you though that I sometimes still suspect things are going on. Our minds are sometimes our worst enemy I think. Funny how such a valuable thing as our brains can do that too isn't it?<P>I am also still nuts about my husband. Think I will always be. I can relate all to well at what you must be feeling.<P>The "hello display" is a very good thing. Run with what ever tidbit she throws your way. She is waffling but, that is better than her making up her mind and eliminating you.<P>For now keep plan Aing big time. Don't force her not to leave but make it hard mostly with kindness to leave. As long as she is with you then you have the ability to deposit love units in her bank.<P>If she ends up leaving then you will have a tough choice to make with Plan Bing. I will of course be praying that she doesn't come to that conclusion.<P>Make sure your snooping is kept low key. If it gets near stalking you are going backwards and it certainly is a love buster. <P>Just a little information that I have never shared her before. A female very close to me had an affair once. It lasted for 3 years. Her husband suspected and sometimes it got very ugly. He never did find out and it has been over for over 15 years. She feels and he has told her if he ever found out about her being unfaithful no matter when it was he would be gone. At any rate the point to this is when he would pull away from her and start concentrating on the things he was interested in and his career and not after her every minute she would start clinging to him. <P>I know this female very well. When he was whinny and intrusive she would back off. So for you keeping the snooping low key I think is very important.<P>I just started reading His needs Her needs by Harley and the one statement that sticks in my mind the most is to be the person that your wife first fell in love with. That is a very good plan and one I am trying even more to impliment. If you haven't read the book I think that would also be a good idea.<P>I now have to run my youngest to work. I'll be checking in on you.<P>All in all I think the signs for you are on the up swing. <P>I will keep praying for you. <P>Big hugs and welcome back.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

Hi Wex!<BR><BR>Glad to see you're back. Yours in one of the more interesting situations. I'm sorry to hear that your W is still denying, denying, denying the obvious. But on the other hand, if she's willing to have intimate sex (not a mercy f**k, if you know what I mean), then that has to be a good sign.<BR><BR>Bystander

Hi wex haven't seen you around for a while.<BR>Happy New Year. It seems that it started quite o.k. <BR>Maybe this year is destined to be a better one ?<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Wex -- Glad you're back, man. I'm sure glad that your New Year started a lot more positively than mine. You deserved it....<P>--DeWayne--

Dear Wexill:<P>Happy New Year sounds like things went well for you over the holidays. Everyone needs to have a some up time. <P>I think I am in a similar situation as you but have NOW need have real proof. I am tired of suspecting and exhausted from denials that is reaped. Dawn D have been chatting for a while now and she tells me (she thinks) that you know of devise for th car that can track the OP travels. <P>I love him too and don't want to loose him but I think he is gone and can't live in the the world our marriage has become. Your help would be most helpful. I don't know how to email you or privately give mine but if that is more efficient to get details I wouldn't object.<P>One friend that replied said it best (if you want to stay) that a low profile is best. I wish you all the best. <P>Tired and need Help,<BR>jackee<BR>

Hi everyone - Sorry I'm so long getting back to this thread. Don't really have much of an excuse except that I was tied up with verious things.<P>jackee - Yes. The tracking device is called a GPS system. One of the main manufacterers is named Garmin at <A HREF="http://www.garmin.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.garmin.com</A> and they have a whole line of these things, starting at about $150. They're available at a lot of the larger sporting goods chains and also at Wal-Mart. What they do is lock onto the global positioning satellite network and determine your position. The devices also keep a log of changing positions, so if you can manage to secretly plant one on your H's car or truck, it will tell you exactly where he's been. The problem is, it's hard to keep a GPS a secret, because the antenna has be somewhere where it has an unobstructed view of the sky. I looked into planting one in my W's car, but decided it was probably too difficult to conceal. A much better way is just to follow your H if you can. Rent a car, so he won't know it's you, and simply follow him. You could also try planting a voice-activated recorder in his car, which would be easier to conceal, but if he plays the radio, it would pick that up to. Voice-activated recorders are available at Radio Shack for about $50 (larger size) and $150 (much smaller, easier to conceal). I feel bad for you in your situation and hope at least that can find some way to confirm your suspicions. It does help a little.<P>DeWayne - Sorry to hear that your NY wasn't so great. I thought mine was going to be sucky, because my W originally was going to the party alone until I made some noises about it. As for the lovemaking, it was the first time for us in (I think) about 2 months or so!<P>Kat - Happy New Year to you too! And happy new decade, new century, new millenium to everyone!<P>Bystander - Yeah, there's always hope. Balling more than one guy at a time doesn't seem to bother my W a whole lot. It is interesting. At least one good thing to come out of her affair is that knowing another guy's got the hots for her makes her more attractive to me too, in a kind of weird way. I'll look at her and think, she's giving it to him, and then think, well, I want my share too. Kind of kinky, huh?<P>Samantha - Thanks for the hugs and advice! Actually, right now, I am pretty much concentrating on my own thing and trying really hard not to be whiney and clinging. (I have done that too much in the past.) It seems to help some. I even got my W to ask me to go to the New Years ever party by telling her that if she didn't want me to come, that was OK with me. Then she turned around and said she DID want me to come! So maybe that is the way to go. I can't afford to talk to Dr. H. either and, anyway, my W and I are just coming off a bad couples counseling experience (bad for me, anyway) and so I think I'll stick to books for a while. I've read Dr. H's "Survining and Affair" and his articles online. Maybe I'll try "His Needs, Her Needs," too. I like his basic idea of a couple trying to meet each others needs. I don't think partners in most marriages, including mine, really try and do that.<P>liz\pearl - Haven't done so yet (apologies) but will check out your threads. (Sounds like I'm appreciating the way you're dressed!) And thanks for the compliment on my posts.<P>RMA - My W surprised both of us, I think. I didn't think she'd be willing even once, let alone twice, given what we've been through for the past couple of months. But there it was! She was far and away the sexiest lady at the party and by the time we got home, we didn't make it past the spare bed in the front entryway. But that's what makes it so hard for me too, that I have this terrific physical attraction for her.<P>Sheba - Happy New Year to you too! May this year bring a great improvement in your situation. Sounds like it already has to some extent, which is great news! Yes, this New Years' was much, MUCH better than the past two have been. On our previous two NY's all we did was fight, no party, no nuthin.' That's a hopeful sign, I guess, that this was our first "successful" NY together? Anyway, a big NY hug to you too!<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hey Wex,<P>Good to hear from you again!<P>Congrats on NYE!<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<P>

Bob - Hi again. Thanks and a Happy New Year, and Happy New Millenium to you as well. Hope this year brings us all a little more happiness for a change. (At least I got off the a good start, for a change!) Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Glad you're back. And, listen, my story's no more an "amazing saga" than yours!!!<P>Hope these baby steps you guys took keep getting more and more frequent. Won't it be great when, one day, there's nothing to snoop out????<P>Good to hear from you. <P>Lori

Dear Wex:<P>Thanks for the info on the GPS I will check it out. Everyone here has been such a help.<BR>It still is so strange to me that so many folks are in our perdictament. I never thought I would remain in such a position (EVER). My sister tells me that I fortunate because unlike a lot of women I am not locked here because of $$$. I have worked hard for years for that. But I wish it were only that. Then it would be easy NO emotions involved. (If only)<P>It seems as though you are managing the same balancing act. How do you manage it?<BR>I believe (at least I tell myself this) we are strong people to stand here and <BR>persevere yet it goes against all logic . <P>I always come back to wanting to know reality. But then I read of the downside of snooping how can you (re)build a marriage when one half is BS you? AND we are to let them by standing there giving them LOVE deposits when they need a good whooping.<P>As you may tell I am as blunt as a they come.<BR>That is what I get for being a true blue YANKEE. <P>Hope to chat again soon!<BR>Happy New Year,<BR>jACKee<P>