I hadn't posted for a week and thought I should check in and run a few thoughts by your kind people.<P>I have not yet disclosed the affair, she won't let me really. She is refusing to have a meeting with me to talk about us. I did meet with the counselor today and he thought she wasn't ready either. I get the impression that they are talking about "her issues" as much if not more than her relationship with me. I mean by that, that she has a "food addiction" and her feelings of inferiority, fear of conflict. She is apparently wanting to rediscover herself. I can appreciate that.<P>Anyway, I did the Love Busters Questionaire from her perspective, how she might fill it out. I really was saddened to realize just how much I may have hurt her. All along I've been expecting her to want to reconcile and angry when I felt like she might be giving up. We have too much going for us to quit.<P>When I sensed fairly, how much I have taken withdrawals out of my Love account in her bank, it made me appreciate her all the more and helped me to realize that I need to stop expecting it and accept it as a gift, if she can give it.<P>What I struggle with is, that she has her share of the blame that she should be looking at too, but there is no way I can approach any of those issues now, I guess I'll just wait.<P>I'm no longer worried about discloure, (at least as we speak, that is subject to change in 10 minutes). I've told her verbally and in writing that I'm willing and prepared to discuss any aspect of my behavior, when she's ready. Those that know, that she knows have all agreed to if she were to ask about the possiblity of an affair, to ask her if she's ever asked me, which she has not.<P>The vision I spoke before is still real in my mind but the evidence of things seen sure belie the vision. I guess that is why He calls us to trust in the unseen rather than the seen.<P>God bless you all,<P>Repenting<P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3

Repenting,<P>I was wondering where you went. I am glad that you have taken the time to see the other ways you may hurt your wife. Obviously there are more issues here than your infidelity. That is why she is gone without even knowing about it. <BR>Maybe you should really look at the ways you have been making those withdrawals and try and make as many deposits as you can from afar. Send her love notes, send her flowers, let her feel special.<BR>Often it takes a lot of work on one parties side before the other even realizes that work is being done. <BR>You have been in my thoughts and prayers. <BR>Take care. <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Thanks Nicole,<P>I had my 2nd session with Steve today and I can tell you I've gotten more from talking with him twice than.... well lets just say I think I'm finally in good hands. It was very enlightening to realize the other issues that have been contributing to her unhappiness. Although I like the idea of cards and flowers, I'm clear that will need to be done in very light doses, as Steve said, anything I do in that way is contaminated.<P>I want you to know that I admire you for hanging in there, I appreciate your commitment. You and Arik are in my prayers too.<P>Repenting<P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3