OK,I'm probably going to open a can of worms with this one,but it might make an interesting topic.Do you think a person's intelligence,or common sense,has any bearing on whether they'll have an affair?I'll be the first to admit that W isn't the brightest crayon in the box,if you know what I mean.She was lacking in common sense,and matters relating to money.Although I'm not an Einstein,I loved her anyway.It just seems she fell for OM's spiel,and coaching about what was wrong with our 22 yr marriage,when his short marriage failed after his W cheated on him.She even fell for the old"Where have you been all my life?"line.I suppose highly intelligent people think they can get away with fooling their spouse,and less-smart people don't think about who they hurt,or all the consequences from their behavior.I felt my commonsense told me that if I dumped my W for a younger women,it probably wouldn't last,since you can't please any woman for long,anyway(hey,that was a joke!).I'm trying to leave morals out of this.Just curious of your opinions.<BR> --Murph

Murph,<P>My lovely has two college degrees and is/was one of the sharpest people I know.<P>I think it has more to do with how low they are feeling emotionaly.<P>R bought " I'd give my last breath to see you smile "<P>Give me a F-ing break.<P>I need to stop every time I think of how that LRB manipulated me and my W feelings I really want to go and kick the living S#$^ out of him.<P>Ok I feel better now.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Your post was very thought provoking. I have always thought that my husband had a real ego problem. He loves to be flattered and that's exactly what my xfriend did for him. Told him how much she had always wanted him and gave his ego a great big lift when he was drunk and lonely. I make no excuses for his behaviour I think it is very immature. His thinking can be immature at times also. He described the episode as sex between consenting adults with no strings and no emotions. Bull****. So you may have a point regarding lunacy and liaisons.<P>FET

I agree, smarts and brains etc don't mean a bedpan in this department.<P>i think that if you are not getting your needs in the marriage its a powerful urge to get them elsewhere. It doesn't give the moral right to do it though.<P>My wife is the most logical and thinking person you would meet but whammo. You wonder where it went when you learn the details<P>ouch this hurts<BR>J

Michael has always seemed like a smart person<BR> but he has done the dumbest things lately.<BR> I wonder what has happened to his brain,he's lost all his common sense.

Well, I'm a pretty smart guy if I do say so myself, and yet I still had an affair. Also, my OW had an IQ of 160+ (one of the things that attracted me to her), and she was engaged to be married when she fell in love with me...<P>Don't think it has <B><I>anything</I></B> to do with intelligence.<P> <BR> <BR>Don't mind me, just trying out those new emoticons...<BR>--andy

Yiup, I have to agree with Bill. I think having an affair is almost totally dependent on how a person is feeling emotionally...nothing to do with intellect or lack of it.<P>I'm a pretty bright woman and OM was a really bright guy but emotionally we just clicked...and it was (again emotionally) a difficult time in both our lives.<P>I wish I could say circumstances conspired to make it all happen...but looking back almost a year now, I can honestly say I was out of my mind...and so was he.<P>BTW, how do you do those smilies with the rolling eyeballs? Sooo cute <P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis<P>

Sorry about the resend...wanted to see how this worked since I could never master the art of qoting...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Francis:<BR><B>Yiup, I have to agree with Bill. I think having an affair is almost totally dependent on how a person is feeling emotionally...nothing to do with intellect or lack of it.<P>I'm a pretty bright woman and OM was a really bright guy but emotionally we just clicked...and it was (again emotionally) a difficult time in both our lives.<P>I wish I could say circumstances conspired to make it all happen...but looking back almost a year now, I can honestly say I was out of my mind...and so was he.<P>BTW, how do you do those smilies with the rolling eyeballs? Sooo cute <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis<P>

yes i agree that a persons intelligence has nothing to do with an affair! I feel strongly that a persons emotional situation is the key to whether or not an affair may occur. from my own experience I look back and see that i was in a terrible spot, no emotional support and all the intelligence I could ever muster! and I still had an affair!<BR>williamj i like your quote, but here is a better one! <BR>"If you ask me, would I die for you? my answer would have to be No, I would NOT die for you, rather I would live my life for you."

Gee,I was hoping for a flaming folder on this one!Still seems like my W was dumb to listen to very young OM's preaching.He basically exploited John Gray's books to get her in the sack.Seems he's some kind of office marital guru,even though his own short marriage failed miserably.Guess I still can't believe she fell for that.<BR> --Murph

I don't feel it has much to do with intelligence, but I do feel it has a lot to do with selfishness.

Murphy<P>I think there is a difference between "common sense" and "intellegence"<BR>I think that a person can be very intelligent, but lack common sense. The number of degrees a person has has nothing to do with common sense, it only means that they are intelligent and very "Book Smart". My W is very intelligent and I have told her that in the past, but she also is lacking when it comes to having "common sense", which I have told her as well. I have seen people with post-graduate degrees and walk around with this "I'm better and smarter than everyone around me" attitude, but have not one iota of common sense and fall for some of the oldest tricks in the book. I now know that when I used to tell my W that she had "book smarts" but lacked common sense, it hurt her, and I now wish that I hadn't said those things to her, but after learning of some of the details of her adulteruous relationship with another married man, it is very clear to me that she demonstrated a lack of common sense and fell for alot of BullS@#$. I also agree with the other posts that an emotional need was not being met at home, and I believe that it was the emotional need not being met that was the major force behind a betrayers actions, but it is without a doubt that a lack of common sense is also a factor, at least in my W's situation.

airheart:<P>I'm not even going to say what those emoticons looked like... <P>Keep it clean, pal.

Bill,<BR>Intelleigence is not an issue. My W is very bright though she does not have degrees yet. I feel that it has to do with self esteem and an overwhelming desire to fill a void in one's life that can only be filled by God. Sorry, couldn't keep Him out of it because what we all seek is only found in Him.<P>We want to know that there is someone who cares a great deal about us. The only one who fits that bill perpetually is God. We seek that perpetual caring by Him. It's the way He designed us. However, we are easily duped into thinking that another human can fill that need. Once God has taken care of that need then the rest is easy because He is calling the shots.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><P>

omigod!!! D&C you nasty nasty girl! I didn't know you had it in you!

Almost forgot........lack of self-esteem and the belief that someone else can give you self-esteem. I have read many posts where the betrayer states how the OP "made" them feel "happy" and how the OP "made" them feel like "somebody" or "important" or "smart". These are all things that must come from within, nobody can "make" you feel these things or "give" them to you.

I don't think intelligence has anything to do with it. It's all about fulfilling an emotional need...everybody has those...smart or dumb.<P>Actually, the OM is pretty intelligent... something that made him so attractive to me in the first place and something that he said attracted him to me. However, I do think that we both lacked common sense during the affair. We didn't think things through and let our emotions get the best of us.<P> Pam

Murph,<P>I have been married to this h for 21 years, I look back and i don't know where the 21 years went it seems like yesterday we married all have been good but this last year however my h use to tell me he was afraid that I would leave him becuz he doesn't read or write very well and I have a good education but I have always told him <BR>He makes up for my weaknesses and I make up for his I really believe if my H was just like me I would have been bored with him I <BR>like the challenges of balanceing each other.<P>I think people fall in love and then try to change the other so no one else will fall in love with them and then one day they wake up and find they are no longer attrated to that person becuz they have changed.<P>Take time to love yourself today!!!<BR>Nita

Murhpy,<P>Putting my two cents in. I do believe is it more emotional than intelligence involved plus the ego. H said he didn't pay that much attention at first to OW, but when she started complimenting him and such it made him feel good. His ego was on a high, thinking some woman thought he was good looking. He fell for the oldest trick in the book too. But he obviously needed to feel this and searched for it elsewhere while I was out of town. <P>I do feel if he had had a closer relationship with God H would have not lost his senses so easily. But he did. He is still no closer to God and developing a relationship with him any more than with me. So, it could happen again as long as he feels he is not getting an EN meet. <p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited January 12, 2000).]

Thank you for all your responses.Probably more of a case of emotions making people do dumb things.Just wonder how some people can fall for those snowjobs(it has been snowing here in NW).I got compliments from women at work,but I didn't let it go to my head.Maybe I've just seen so many affairs and divorces where I work,I'd never dream of hurting W like that.She works for a very small company,and isn't exposed to that.I guess one of my new rules in life is"Don't let your emotions control your behavior".Sound good? --Murph<P>P.S.--Airheart,keep your nasty graphics off my posts!!!