we were doing so good until this past weekend. I was gone a whole day on business <BR> and he went to a strip club ,had a twenty dollar hoe do a lap dance ,told me all about it ,because hes so honest! Yeah right, anyway sunday night I was washing clothes,picked up his pants and an unopened letter from the ow was in his pocket.I went off, it got ugly.I despise him!

Ouch, I can hear the pain and feel it. Always remember that us guys are like bricks at times. Hes still got the pain and it comes out as a LB. (I don't know the whole story but want to listen)<P>I wonder why the letter was unopened?<P>Hold on tight and count to ten... big deep breaths.<P>Dunno if this helps but I am starting to make a list of people to pray for.<P>J

I keep getting knocked offline while im trying to type. I told him to leave, hes killing me, I cant take this. He swore he was going to throw it away without reading it<BR> but said he just forgot,said he didnt want me upset anymore than I already was.I feel like I'm back at square one.Reading how much she misses him and how they should be together,and how she loves him and knows that deep down he loves her too.I hate this,<BR> its just not turning out to be worth all this trouble.I have really been trying, and I thought he had too but hiding that letter,<BR> it makes me sick.it was a sneaking low down low life thing to do.

simply j,<BR> thanks for the prayers, I need them. He says he didnt read it because he was going to throw it away.I just wish he would have told me about it then we could have threw it away together.As it was I opened it to see<BR> if they had been talking again.From what she<BR> said, they havent but it still hurts.He had a two year internet affair that ended sometime last year and in may ,the ow sent me a package of all kind of letters ,emails and pictures that he had give to her.I didnt know anything about it until she did this.I made him leave for about a month,he came home and we have been working on it and I thought everything was going good for us.Its his lies that I cant take.

Its real hard I know. I am moved out (my W has the OM) and it doesn't get any easier if you still care for your H. It may give you time to heal a bit but its still hurting<P>Is your H really wanting to try? Or just going through the motions?<P>L <BR>J

One question a bit off topic, does anyone use ICQ to help chat with people who help?<P>Hugs and prayers<BR>j

well I did think he wanted to work things out<BR> but after this weekend i'm not so sure.<BR> From August to dec we were fine but I hadnt <BR> went out of town either.The first time I do<BR> he does this to me.I dont know what bothers me more, the strip club or the letter, probably a combination of both at the same time. Ok he wanted to be honest about one but not the other? doesnt make sense to me.I feel like he cheated on me again at the club<BR> and he thinks Im making a big deal out of nothing.Hes just plain stupid and I told him so.

I have aol so I dont know anything about any other programs.

This is probably going to be something that may not be right, may be right or some where in the middle. (covered my tail there)<P>Going to a strip club may have been a release of some sort for him. We don't have the clubs here where I am but I can see it as one (dont get me wrong on it being ok). The lap dance was stupid though... I almost think that he may have did it intentionally to get a rise out of you. Maybe he was wondering if he was appreciated or something...you know he backslid to see what would happen. In withdrawl you do some stupid things I hear, the fact that the letter wasn't opened makes me think that maybe it was an honest slip in not telling you. Otherwise he would have read it and tossed it or read it and left it open for you to find.<P>I am a bit tired so hopefully my thoughts arent too garbled. Summed up... Maybe just maybe he was wondering if its what he wanted to do. Just wanted a wake up call.. the ways that guys get attention is stupid. if you love him and sounds like you do, study the circumstances and get the feel of it. Something may be missing but maybe not.. It could just be dumb guy steps in mess syndrome. <P>It's just hard because its too easy to second guess a situation and presume the worst.<P>J

CutieP<P>Do you normally do H's laundry? Is he aware of this?<P>If you answered yes to these questions I would say he wasn't trying to hid anything from you.<P>No I also do not agree with a married man, nor single man for that matter, getting a Lap dance from anyone other than thier wife. But some men find that sort of thing necessary, I guess.<P>If he was honest about that I would think he is likley being honest about the letter from OW. After all it was unoppened and you did say from what she wrote your H has not been in touch with her.<P>Now if you had found it openned and hid under the seat of his car or under the mattress then I would think suspicions would certainly be in order.<P>If I were in your shoes and this happened with my H, who by the way has a very shakey track record with being honest when it comes to the OW, I would believe him in this instance.<P>FC<BR>(who suggests you learn the fine art(?) of lap dancing if it's something Hubby really likes )<BR>

Simply J<BR> I had told my husband he could go to the strip club, but I didnt think he would really go.He has been bugging me to go with him and I wouldnt so when he asked if he could since I was going out of town I said ok. I really really didnt think he would actually go! Anyway when I got home, hes telling me all the details like I'm his best buddy or something, gross.Guess I will learn to say what I really mean huh?

FC<BR> I have been trying to answer you all morning but keep getting knocked offline,<BR> yes he knows I do laundry,thing is ,the letter is postmarked jan 3 so hes had it a few days. I keep thinking hes been trying to decide to read it or not.

My husband also thinks going to strip clubs is no big deal. I guess its justified in his book because "its a guy thing". He says he didnt do anything wrong, but paying for lapdances(until he "came" in his pants)is somewhat of a big deal to me. Buying topless(or naked)woman drinks, having them sit in your lap, and sticking their bare tits in your face is also a big deal to me. <P>Some wives are ok with their men going to these places, I envy the strength and trust they have. I used to feel really guilty for getting angry when my H did this, but I have decided that I cant pretend it doesn't bother me, and I wont sacrifice my feelings so he can have a little fun. Your feelings are important, and your fears are justified. <P>My H has to go out of town tomorrow(these are the times he has gone), and those old fears are coming back, but I have let my H know that I wont stick around if it happens again. Maybe some may say I'm overeacting, especially the men, but what matters is, that if you dont feel secure about a situation, then out of respect, your SO should refrain from doing it. <P>I have to tell you something funny. My H and I went to a bar this past weekend, and as we were standing togather this man walked by and gave me a major "up and down" look, and my H began glaring at him. The guy just walked away. I said to my H, "hey, at least I wasnt sitting in his lap with my top off"...hehe My H said..."OK I get the point"...then we laughed about it. Maybe I finally got my point across. Take care..<P>

CutieP<BR>The letter - the OW was trying to cause trouble. Plain and simple. Don't let her do that. You say that you could see from the letter that they haven't been talking.<BR>My gosh this woman must have zero self respect if she would do this. Pathetic!<BR>As for it being in your H's pocket unopened. I think you might believe him on his reasons.<BR>Sometimes they are too dense to see the right thing to do is the obvious one - honesty. <BR>My guess is that he didn't want to upset you but wanted to be honest so he played around with it in his head hoping the solution would come without him haveing to make a decision. Avoidance of conflict.<BR>You know lying is such a habit I think it is an addiction and it takes a while to break it. To understand the true meaning of honesty. I'm still working on that one with my H and it is a slow road!<BR>Take some deep breaths. Think about it before you do anything drastic. <P>