Marriage rings... To me, my ring and my wife's have always meant commitment and that love we have for each other. My wife ditched her rings, like 4 weeks into her affair, and especially when she moved out (6 wks in) and told people at work about her "separation" she took them off and put them away. I had mine on for awhile, but when I lost weight it actually kept falling off. Initially I took it off not to lose it, and it still is pretty loose. In my last session with S Harley, he mentioned I should still be wearing my ring. I tried for a couple of days, (it still kept slipping), but I was just uncomfortable wearing it again. I know my love for my wife has slipped (no deposits on her end obviously) and my committment level is getting low too. Not to mention people at work have pressured me not to respect my wife or her behavior, by still keeping my ring on. (I know its peer pressure). I still am not sure how much it actually shows or does not show to my wife. She knows how I feel, that I still want us to work on our marriage, and I still send her cards. Does me wearing a ring really mean all that to her or even to me at this time? Any feedback or thoughts would be appreciated.

I still wear mine. Will until I feel like I'm done with my marriage ( a long time from now) It means alot to me. I'm not sure of the effect it has on my H but what matters is how I feel. He doesn't wear his. He didn't wear it much anyway. (Safety thing at work). I have his here at the house keeping it for him. <BR>I've had people (mostly family) tell me I should take it off. I tell them I'm still married even if he's being an a** right now.<BR>I'll probably never take it off.

well I am waring half of my wedding set....I lost a diamond out of the ring guard so now I ware my engagement ring and another ring he gave to my....I will stop waring my rings when I no longer want to be with my H....<P><BR>amanda<P>------------------<BR>I will love my husband "Always & Forever" <BR>thevancefamily@hotmail.com<P><BR>

Izzy:<P>When my husband confessed his infidelity, I took my ring off and gave it back to him. He put his on for the first time in years to show me that he was serious about wanting to save our marriage. During the weeks that I was trying decide if I wanted to remain in our marriage, seeing that ring on his finger meant a lot to me.<P>This past Christmas, he gave me a new diamond eternity ring, and I gave him a new wedding ring (we surprised each other). Those rings symbolize a new start.<P>My advice to you: do what you feel comfortable with, but I believe seeing you wear your ring will have an affect on your wife.<p>[This message has been edited by peppermint (edited January 16, 2000).]

izzy,<P>My H has been in his affair for 11 months. I wore the ring the entire time,even when he moved out for the first separation, except when he moved out for the second separation at the end of Oct. He took his off and I took mine off and then he left. I put it back on the week of Christmas and made a commitment to myslef that I would wear this ring until I was no longer his wife. I can tell you this - he NOTICED the ring after I put it back on. Each time he has seen me since (not that many times }, he looks to see if I am still wearing it. I have no idea what effect it has on him, but he does care enough to look. Maybe it is only curiousity, maybe more, maybe nothing. <P>Based on my own counsleing with Steve, I think Steve's perspective is this: If you want to save your marriage - ALL your actions should affirm that, including the wearing of the wedding rings. If you don't wear your ring, what is the message you are sending her?? Something to think about...<P>Roll Me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I bought my stbx a new wedding band after I found out about his affair and when he left he took it back to the store. It hurt me more than anything. Even if we were divorcing, I wanted him to keep it because I gave it to him because I still loved him. He also had my engagement ring reset and got down on bended knee (exactly 32 days before he walked out) and asked me to marry him again, in front of the children. I was on cloud nine and thought that we were fainally making it. But I no longer wear my engagement ring or anniversary band anymore. One reason is they just don't fit anymore.....another is because I am embarassed to. Yes I still have a love for him, but we are getting D and he would tell people that I am obsessed with him and that is why I am wearing it. I know, I shouldn't care what people say.....but it just doesn't feel right anymore. He gave those to me in gods house and with gods blessing and made commitments to me that he has broken. Sometimes I can still look at them and break down crying, and I just don't feel like crying anymore.<BR>Nancy

It's a very personal choice whether to keep it or not. For myself, I would not take my wedding ring off as long as I was still married and still had a finger to put it on <P><BR>On the other hand my wife and I are considering getting a second ring to cement our new commitments to our marriage, perhaps with a little private ceremony, kind of renewing and extending our marital wows.

Hi, Izzy. I've worn my rings the whole time. They comforted me somehow. I've noticed that every time I see my h, he looks at my left hand (his is upstairs on the dresser where he left it). Once, a couple of months ago, he commented "you're still wearing your wedding ring?" I smiled sweetly and said "I'm still married to the man I love.". <P>His comment? "Thank you, Lori." in the softest, sweetest voice I have ever heard.<P>I wear them for me, but it seems to mean something to him, too.<P>Lori

I still wear my ring even after 18 months of this hell. It means a lot to me to wear it since in my heart I know I am still married to the man I fell in love with. My H still wears his, although I know he does take it off sometimes when he is with OW. It hurts me to know he takes it off and I realise it probably doesn't mean as much to him as mine do to me. I will still continue wearing them until they day the divorce is final (if) and even then it might be a long time until I will go without them. I also feel it is a kind of security in that you are letting other people know you are married and so you get no unwelcome advances. I love my Husband and my wedding band means a whole lot to me, but I agree it is a personal decision for everyone and no two situations are exactly alike.

I haven't seen my H since he left. If he saw me with my ring on he would probably be angry and say that I was holding on to something that would never be. But, it is my ring and those were my promises. I still love my husband, even if he doesn't love me. I will wear it at least through the divorce and for some time after.