I am 23, married, and have 2 kids. I recently went back to work full time, and shortly after i started my job, i met a customer, I'll call him "E". We started by just talking and sending eachother jokes, but it has prigressed. We have sent pictures, and we talk everyday. He works for a air line, and can come up to my part of the country at a drop of a hat. We had plans to meet, but i stopped him from coming. We are planning on meeting in the near future, and i really don't know what to do. I love my husband and would not want to hurt, or leave him. There is something about "E" that i cant seem to get out of my mind. Oh yeah, he is 32, divorced and has no kids. I really need some input on this situation, can anyone help me?

Welcome <B>Trippie23</B>, to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>Before my normal "welcome wagon spiel"...<BR><B>GET RID OF "E".... NOW!!!!!</B><BR>This man will destroy your life, your H's life and the life of your kids!!!!<P>Stay here and ask for <B>moral support</B>!!!<P><BR>Normal spiel... to get to quicker to the information on this site!....<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A>.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You too should start immediately on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and etually you will have to tell your H!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>, and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6010_give.html" TARGET=_blank>"Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around. There is a post that lists many of these non-Harley book recommendations... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010158.html" TARGET=_blank>Books... books... books... (again)</A>.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on... This tends to be more true for the wayward(you) than even your H(betrayed)! Ask... you'll find out if you ask others...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We can give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Please... <B>GET RID OF "E".... NOW!!!!!</B><P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Hi,<BR>I'm glad you came here seeking advice.<BR>I am no expert, very far from it; but,<BR>when I read your post, I saw the answer<BR>to your problem. The answer to your problem is in your own words! What am I referring to?<BR>You wrote:<BR>"I love my husband and would not want to hurt, or leave him."<P>If that's true then end this relationship with E. Do it now before you risk losing <BR>your husband and your marriage. This man "E" has NOTHING to lose. You have EVERYTHING to lose and then some. You're contemplating turning down a path from which you can NEVER return! Things will never be the same! I'm speaking from experience. Please Please Please keep posting and keep reading. If you don't have the strength to end this online relationship, keep trying to find it.<BR>It's like an addiction. I recommend telling "E" that it's over and literally deleting "E" from your computer and your life. You stopped "E" from coming once. That says something!<BR>Follow your instinct. Follow your heart. If you follow through with this, it WILL hurt your H. Sometimes people should turn it around. How would you feel if you found out your HUSBAND was doing what you're doing?<BR>Of course, it's alot easier said than done.<BR>I hope I haven't offended. It's just that it's not too late for you. You can be saved.<BR>The little bit of excitement etc. is not worth the pain. Keep posting and reading.<BR>There are so many good people here, many of which are STILL helping me. Good luck and God Bless!<P><P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11

My advice to you is to be honest with your husband and tell him of your infatuation with the OM. At this point you have only communicated on-line and not yet crossed the line. Turn to your husband who loves you for help. Otherwise you will regret the consequences for the rest of your life. At this point you can still look into your husband's eyes without too much guilt. Do the right thing and speak to your husband.

Trippie,<P>Yup, Max said it short and sweet. Talk it out with your hubby to fill in what's missing in your relationship. And RUN, don't walk, away from E before it is too late. <B>This is not a drill.</B>

Hi Trippie,<P>I know it's easier said than done but ....<P>.............RUUNNNN!!!!!!................<P>I mean it! Oh, how I WISH I could take back what I did! And here I see you, poised and ready to take that one step that will send you right over the line! You're like this little old lady crossing the street and everyone's hollering "STOP! STOP!!" becaue we see the Mack Truck coming to flatten you if you take even one more step! And you're like, "Eh? What's that ye say? Speak up, I don't have my hearing aides in today ...!"<P>I see it cause I've been there.<P>So ...<P>What is stopping you? WHat are your fears? Do you fear hurting his feelings, or maybe losing his business and him blaming you? Of ruining the chance of meeting someone better? Whatever you might be worried about, it doesn't compare to what you WILL be dealing with if you allow this to continue into a full-blown affair. Don't do this to yourself or your husband. He loves you and you both deserve better!<P>Please let us know if there's any way we can help you out! In the meantime, keep posting!<P>Khyra <P>(with an H ) <P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Khyra (edited January 17, 2000).]

k H yra <BR>The few times I've laughed tonight have been<BR>at your hand! What you wrote about that<BR>gross cake in another post...lol...and now the hearing aides!<BR>Glad our paths finally crossed <P>Trippie23- Let us know what you're thinking! <P>Signed,<BR>Kyra w/o the H <P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11

Don't do it... really DON'T!!!!<P>It will jeopardize your marriage and there is an almost certainty that it will not even turn out to be a pleasant experience anyway.<BR>Try to read my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/012006.html" TARGET=_blank>wife's story about her Internet affair</A>, not a pleasant experience at all (and statistics shows that very, very few actually are). And think of all the people that you will hurt in the process, yourself, your H, and the kids.<P>Don't walk away from this RUN! And almost as important be honest with your husband and tell him EVERYTHING about this, and I mean EVERYTHING.

I just made the mistake of meeting the man I had an on-line affair with. He seemed like a nice man on e-mail but in person he was worse than a jerk. I understand the hold an e-mail affair can have on you. It's exciting to get attention every day but if it's anything like what I experienced, it's an addiction. If you can't end it for yourself, think about your children and your husband. However you do it or for whatever reasons you need to make yourself stop, do STOP! The guilt and feelings of worthlessness are just not worth it and chances are, this guy is not looking out for your best interests, just his own<BR>self-interest.

If you really love your husband, I pray PRAY that you do not make this horrible mistake. My wife did and she leaned how true is the statement that MEN USE ROMANCE TO GET SEX AND WOMEN USE SEX TO GET ROMANCE. He got in her panties which is the only thing he wanted and then he moved on leaving her 100% behind without giving her a second thought.<BR>Oh we are still together as we have been for over 25 years but if we are together another 1000 years, it will never, ever, ever be the same. She can't help but see the pain and disappointment in my eyes every single day and I get to see the shame she feels when I look in her eyes sometimes. DON'T DO IT.<BR>Before you turn fantasy into reality, read as many of the posts here as you can and if that isn't enough then go to <A HREF="http://www.netaddiction.com" TARGET=_blank>www.netaddiction.com</A> and read a bunch of posts on that board.<BR>Don't be naive enough to think that your prince charming will be different, its about a sure bet that he is the typical predator scum who is using the internet as a tool for his next conquest.<BR>

Hello Trippie23,<P>Welcome. Jim was right.... <B>WE</B> are all here to help each other. He also gave you the same advice you will get from all of <B>US</B>.... <B>DON'T DO IT!</B><P>My advice comes from both sides of this tragidy... I had an emotional affair (EA) and my H is in the midst of his own . We are currently in the process of divorcing. <P>It is terribly painful from both sides, please trust me on this. This is an excellent time to "learn from our mistakes", instead of making it yourself. We are here to help you, in any way we can. <P>K<B>H</B>yra hit it on the had with the truck story.... it will hit <B> You, Your H and YOUR KIDS</B> like a Mack Truck, and before all is said and done, you will feel like the driver backed up and ran you over again .... SEVERAL TIMES! <P>Sign up for daily jokes by email. Turn "E" over to someone else at work, and turn him out of your life. Talk to your H, tell him what is missing in your marriage that "E" filled for you. I know how difficult this is, but you must do this. We are here to help you get through this. I suggest you get the book "His Needs, Her Needs" ASAP.... it will explain a lot.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited January 17, 2000).]

K(-h)YRA,<P>Thanks, hon, glad to know I can make someone smile. I just hope Trippie takes me (and all of us) seroiusly. Butterfly, you said it about that Mack Truck! <P>Carrie

<BR>Trippie23,<P>Did you ever see the New Yorker cartoon where one dog is sitting at a computer, and says to another dog, "On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog." ...? As funny as that cartoon is, there's something to be gleaned from it, at least as far as online affairs go.<P>The fact is, cyberspace is a playground for pretenders. This OM could be an HIV+, herpetic, gential-wart carrying sociopath. Oh yes, and a good writer, too. You can't run away fast enough from this marital disaster in the making, in my view. END ALL CONTACT WITH "E" IMMEDIATELY. Focus on your husband; my guess is that there's something missing in your marriage, which is easily fixed, at least relative to repairing a marriage that's suffered an infidelity.<P>Bystander