Well, i read the few replies that i got and they have made me think. I have tried to "delete" him from my computer, and life. That lasted two days. I even called him and told him that I didn't think i should talk to him anymore. He said that was fine, and he would not contact me unless i did first. Of course i did! I do not want to ruin my marriage, but i find myself taking stupid risks. Such as tonight, I came home on lunch, went into the bedroom and called "E". My H walked in and asked who i was talking to. I gave him the name of a girl friend, and he asked to say hi. I hung up the phone and told him that it was busy. Stupid, Stupid........I seem to do more and more risky things, and i cant seem to stop. If i could stop talking to him i would, but i don't know how to stop!

Hi again.<BR>The best way I can describe what you're going through is using the word "ADDICTION".<BR>You are addicted to "E" and all of the excitement, intrigue,etc. that goes along with your "secret" online affair. You're going to have to fight this attraction with everything you've got. Look at your 2 babies faces, look at your wedding ring, I don't know! It's going to take ALOT of will power on your part. Think about this, if "E" agreed not to contact unless you did and that didn't bother him too much, how much do you think "E" cares about you?! When you bow out, he'll probably move on to the next one and the next. If he's flying all over, no telling where he's been! Antics like this, is probably if not the, one of the reasons HE IS DIVORCED NOW! What good is the relationship bringing you? You're lying to your H, you're calling yourself STUPID and you are putting your marriage in harm's way. Let this "E" fly right out of your life. Keep posting! <P>

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Trippie,<P>Don't feel put off by a smaller number of replies than you'd hoped for. It happens around here sometimes, to old and new people alike. Did you read my post back to you yet?<P>It looks like you are STARTING to take a few baby steps in the right direction, but I can see that you know you aren't there yet. Not even close, my dear.<P>I believe in honesty, even if it's not nice or polite or sweet. Keep in mind that I say this because I do care about you - I veiw you as a sister in this situation! So here goes. You are pulling the same crappola that I pulled with myself in the beginning to make myself think I was really doing the right thing to stop my affairs. Truth is, you haven't done anything yet, only fooled yourself.<P>You're playing games with your own heart and your Hubby's. It's almost as if you are going thru another teenagehood, rebelling so to speak. We did this kind of junk to our parents when we were fifteen! It was fun and acceptable then, though, is the difference.<P>Ok, ok, so you've heard enough about how what you're doing is wrong. The only reason why I've belabored that issue is because I don't see you as being fully cognizent or concerned about how your actions are affecting you and your family yet. But now, I think you need solutions. If you could see a way out of this on your own, you wouldn't be here. And Like I said, I was there, and I think I can help!<P>1) Deleting his e-mail addy won't cut it, chickie. You gotta BLOCK it. Otherwise , all you've done is cover your @ss. And change your addy too. If you're heavily involved in E-Commerce and cannot realistically do so without hurting business, that's another story. Otherwise, can it. Give the new one to everyone BUT him.<P>2) No more telephone calls. I know in my heart that you cannot see this right now, but no matter how sweet and wonderful he's been, he doesn't DESERVE the risk you take in your marriage, the time you spend or even the thin DIME you spend to call him. Block his phone numbers - ALL of them that he's called you from. This may prevent him from calling at a time when your husband could pick up the phone. Keep in mind, he has NOTHING to lose, you stand to lose so much though. He'll go on his merry way when this is all over and done with.<P>3) Write him ONE LAST E-Mail to tell him that it's over, so he knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt your intentions. I left plenty of wormholes for the OM to wriggle his slimy @ss back thru (and he did) because I wasn't firm. Don't manipulate yourself into doing this, it's a losing game!<P>Ok. I am aware of how harsh and unrealistic some of this may sound right now to you. I was unable to do any of it myself in the beginning. But I did, eventually. But it was After the sex, after the lies, after all the pain I caused Jason (my H). How I wish I could take it back. <P>Trippie, you have to END this now. Or it will only snowball and get worse than you can even imagine right now.<P>Be strong - i KNOW you can do it. Don't worry about anything else right now but stopping. The rest we can work on together later, as it comes, I promise - we can help you with it all here.<P>Your Sister in Arms, <P>Khyra

Hi, it's me again... I just posted to your first thread. I don't post nearly as much as I used to... Your story is so much like mine in the beginning...... I wanted someone to talk to, someone who made me feel special. Someone to give me what I wasn't getting from my H. <P>I wish I had found this site 1 year and 2 months ago.... It probably would not only have saved a lot of pain, and my marriage.<P>K<B>H</B>yra is right about what you need to do. It takes a lot to resist the urges to call or write, but it can be done. One way to make it easier is to tell your H that you feel you are vulnerable to an affair.... and that you are finding yourself attracted to someone on line. Be honest that you LOVE your H, and you don't want to lose him, but you need his help. It's the truth. It will make you accountable.<P>You can contact me if you would like to find out more about what this h@## has done to my life... I'll be glad to share my experiences with you. My email is labutterfly68@hotmail.com .<P>My thoughts & prayers are with you...<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>