My wife and I just had a new baby 6 months ago. She decided that I didn't respect her and left the house with the child about two months ago. She also said that I was too controling. In reality she is controling everything now. She even went and filed for legal separation, so that the courts could mandate some orders on me, including how and what I should feed our son. Our son has a growth problem, and he needs to put on weight. He is 12.35 at 5 1/2 months of age. He should of doubled his weight to 14.2 at 4 months. My wife is scared of becoming a unfit mother, and even canceled a session with a psychologist ro be examined. This was arranged by the marriage counseler. She even quit marriage counseling, and as far as a pediatrician, she went to three doctors until she got what she wanted, that being a doctor who would not recommend supplmentation with formula. I fear that Post Partum Depression started this and now it is so far out of control, that it is hurting everyone. I have worked for two months on reconsicilation of the marriage, but my wifes parents are working against me. I feel that they are telling her that I am evil. I do know that they have told her that she is fine, and that it is just me. She is now to the point where she is avoiding doctors who she trusted through the whole pregnancy, most likely because they will tell her to seek help. She attempted to get the courts to demand that I not supplement the child with formula. Her actions are so unlike her. We have been together for 13 years, and married for seven years. There has been a four year process of infertility and lots of grief over three miscarrages. My friends are very supportive of me, and have seen the court papers on how she wants to attack me. It was so bad last week, that I asked my lawyer to amend my agreement for separation to a divorse, but he hasn't yet. I know from talking to him, that my wifes lawyer is concerned about his client, whether it is her mental stability, or just her attacking me all the time I don't know. <br>I came home last Monday from a meeting and my wife didn't expect me, and I pulled in the driveway and her and her father had broken in and were removing items from the house. I called the police. I had no trespassing case on my father-in-law or anything against her, but she has been out of the house for two months and I changed the locks. They had tore out a flashing light, that was part of my home security, that shows that someone had entered the house. They thought I was busy teaching all day, and that I wouldn't be around. I couldn't believe that they had done this. There actions are so vindictive and wrong. I am scared to death that my young son is in their care. I would love to here from anyone concerning this. It is kind of weird, but I met a person on line, who is going through something almost identical to this. I was wondering if there is any psychosis or something that is related to a mother that is obsessed with being a perfect mother, at all cost, even the health of the child. If you know of anything, please write me back.<p>Ed

I could not pass this post without emotion. You definetly have to do something here. If this is so unlike your wife prior to pregnancy then there is something deeply wrong. You are that child's father and at this point I would forget about divorce or legal separation in the courts but more importantly can you have a legal guardian step in on behalf of your son. Or could you possibly fight for custody yourself?? I know that may be harsh and the worst loss a mother can experience but even only for temporary custody so that she can get herself together. It may mean speaking with the doctors that recommended additional care for your son but the child must come first. Your wife unfortuantely has people in her corner that are feeding into her illness. I would do what I could to protect the baby then work on the adults. <br>You state that she left because she felt you were too controlling...were you? And if you were that is not something that can not worked out in therapy. <br>Children do not make the choice to come into this world we make that choice and until they have the ability to take care of themselves we as adults must always be there for them. I think at this point you need to assert your right as a parent. I'm sorry if I sound harsh I really do not mean to but so many things we as adults do to each other inedividably (sp?) effect our children and it is not fair to them. I pray that all will be well with your son and then for the two of you. <p>Kathy

Thank you Kathy. As far as the controling issue, I and others feel that I am no more controling than anybody else. I make descions in my and my wifes life as anyone else would. I have to remind myself that my wife choose to have the child, choose to marry me, choose to leave me, and choose to file for separation on me, etc. These have been some of the most important issues in our lifes, and she has had much contol in each issue. I feel that the "contol issue" has been an excuse that she could use with friends and realitives. In reality there have been many very vindictive (sp) / mean things that she has done since this whole thing began two months ago. To be quite honest it scares me to death and I don't know what my next move should be. Do I fight her in court, and loose any chance of saving my marriage? Do I just let it go and continue like this in the hope that she will come out of this? I really don't know. The only thing that has happened since I last wrote to this BB is that my son Landon was evaluated by a very good pedritian (sp) here in our home town, one who has a lot of respect both with the community and the courts. The evaluation came back that my son is malnourished. I know this doesn't sound good. But it shows that what I have thought all along is right on. I hope the court will realize that my wifes behavior has continued to hurt my son, and will force supplementation and or help for my wife, or give me complete temporay custody. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed. I am not wanting to hurt my wife, nor take the love of breast feeding from her, but I want my child to be safe, and my wife get the care she needs, with out the negative support she is getting from her parents. Thanks for writing back. I would love to hear from others.<p>Ed