About 6 months ago I posted a few messages on here about my dispare in trying to pull my marriage together. Well, I'm very sad to say that today I am separated (2 months). The last 2 months have been completely agonizing. I cry all the time and think about EVERYTHING. Some days I feel okay, but most, I spend alone and sobbing. The separation seemed impossible 6 months ago, but now it's my reality. I still love my husband very much. He claims that I did absolutely nothing wrong. He just wants time to himself and to be alone. He also says he wasn't happy and doesn't know what will make him happy, but he wants to try to find it. We talk a few times a week, but never about our situation. A few days ago he brought up a dissolution. I feel obligated to agree to it because he thinks this will make him happy. I'm really confused and just trying to hang on from day to day. He seems to be so happy dealing with all of this. It breaks my heart more and more everyday.<BR>If anyone can encourage or advise me, it would really brighten my day.<BR>Stacey<p>[This message has been edited by staceym (edited October 15, 1999).]

staceym,<P>I'm curious how long you have been married?<BR>Its very important for you to stay strong. I know that sounds easy enough to say, but doing it is difficult. Life can be very unfair to us, and when our world suddenly gets turned upside down its important to believe that there is someone stronger than you that will give you all the Love and Support that you need. That person is Jesus Christ. You can take it or leave it. Giving your situation to the Lord is whats going to give you Peace and Hope for a Brighter Future. <P>I know that it would be very hard to have a husband want a separation. I have never been through anything like that, and I hope that I never have to go through anything like that. Just be strong!!dont let it drag you down...Keep your thoughts focused on the one who is Stronger then You. Jesus is able to handle anything that we go through. Hang in there. The only Hope For Happiness that I can give you Is Jesus Christ...thats all I have to offer.The Choice is Yours.....Let go and let God!!

stacy m<BR>you should not agree to a dissolution<BR>until you are comfortable and feel like<BR>this is the right solution for both of<BR>you - you say your h sounds like he is <BR>happy but that sounds like maybe he is<BR>on the outside and wants you to think <BR>that - maybe on the inside he feels<BR>different-- he might be resentful toward<BR>you for various reasons and this form<BR>of lovebusting is his way of showing you<BR>he wants space to figure things out --<BR>it seems to me that while you were together both of you were not meeting <BR>each others emotional needs, obviously<BR>communication was lacking, walls were<BR>built, resentment began and it snowballed into separation. let your <BR>h know how you feel about him that you<BR>love him and understand that you both<BR>have problems and you are willing to try<BR>to do anything to try to rebuild --<BR>don't place blame -- you both need to<BR>get therapy if he won't go go yourself<BR>you both have to want to try to rebuild<BR>and if he loves you, remind him of <BR>how things once were and that you feel<BR>with some work and effort on both your<BR>parts you can try to get that back,<BR>he might start to think about all of these things and be more willing to at <BR>least give it a try. be strong and <BR>do not give up or lose hope -- decide <BR>that your marriage is worth fighting for<BR>and that you are determined to make it<BR>work, voice your feelings to your h<BR>and if he sees all that you are willing<BR>to do to try and he doesn't want to at<BR>least try you will know in your head<BR>you did everything you could and you will feel better about moving on.<BR>Lots of luck and hang in be positive and<BR>give it your best... if he loves you he<BR>will come around much peace and love<BR>trying hard<BR>

I did decide over the weekend not to agree to the dissolution. I knew we needed a little time apart, but a dissolution is something I don't believe in, and don't think is right for our relationship.<P>Prior to the separation, I did everything I could to make him realize how much I wanted things to work...even after we were apart for a week or so. When I try and appeal to him he doesn't say anything. All he has said since we separated was that he wanted to try things on his own (that was only 2 weeks after we separated). It's now been two months and he doesn't say anything. He seems to be enjoying his new-found freedom and I feel like I've been forgotten. We talk a few times a week on the phone, but I usually initiate it and it's about small things. Tonight or tomorrow I am going to ask him if he will attend counseling with me again. We had a terrible counselor before. He didn't help us come together, he pushed us further apart. <P>After being together 5 years and married for 3, I think that we have a lot to save. We went through a lot of very tough times when we were married, and even prior to marriage, that could've easily torn us apart, but I thought we had only gotten stronger. Now, after all of that, my husband feels like he's not happy and wants to try things on his own. I just can't comprehend breaking up a marriage for those reasons when we went through so much more difficult times and stuck by each others sides. I know there's still a lot of love between us. We have always been deeply in love with one another and highly affectionate. Our love life was always spectacular too. I have such a great amount of confusion trying to figure out what went wrong. My H says I did absolutely nothing wrong and there is absolutely no one else. That leaves me helpless and a little numb not knowing what to do next. I guess that's why I want things to work out so badly. I know there's hope and our love can pull us back together. <BR>Stacey

I am feeling so much better since my last post. My H and I had a long talk and it seems better for us to be apart. I'm willing to accept this. We will continue to be very close friends through everything. It's nice to know that we can remain a part of each other's lives without being together all the time.<P>Stacey