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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21
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OP
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21 |
I'm curious...is it better to know or not know? <P>I guess what I'm getting at here is ... are you better off now that you know, or would you rather have never found out {about an affair}. <P>I'm obviously contemplating this question and I'm looking here for input.
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 827
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what side are you on?<P>did you betray or did you get betrayed against?<P>happy me...ha!
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 198
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That's an extremely easy one for me to answer. I would, beyond a shadow of a doubt, rather know than not know. What kind of marriage can you have while your spouse is having an affair? Not much of one, that's for sure. No matter what the outcome of finding out, it's always 100% better than being left in the dark. Despite all the pain it can cause, you can also learn a lot from it, and grow from it. And if necessary, move on to a better relationship with a better person. <P>------------------<BR> The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21
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OP
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21 |
Does it matter in the scheme of things? I mean Is honesty the best policy? If you could have hidden it, would you have continued hide it (end the affair), but no disclosure? Or is it better out in the open? <P>
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Joined: Jun 1999
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curious -- I don't hink I understand your question. In every case I know of personally, and most that I have read here the offended spouse has known something was wrong even if they didn't know for sure that an affair was taking place.<P>By the same token, many things that I have read here by those who did the betraying have said that they couldn't continue to hide things for much longer.<P>I guess I would have to repeat StevieB's question . . .Which side are you on? What is it that is making you ask such an obscure question without saying anything regarding why this question is bothering you. <P>God Bless
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 827
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i betrayed.... <P>honestly?<P>for me, it was rough at first, but I do feel closer to my wife now. SOME good came out of this... although I know I took the wrong course to get here....<P>just my 2 cents<BR><P>------------------<BR>I fell in love all over again... I fell in love with my wife.
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Joined: Aug 1999
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For goodness sake-if you gotta hide things in a marraige why the heck be married? I mean really-if you wanna cheast then get unmarried. I don't think anyone should put themself in a position of having to or wanting to hide anything!!!!<P>I would be furious if I one day found out all on my own the H had an affair. That means a fake marriage all along in my book.<P>My answer is-you had better tell me!!!!!<P>heartache - and it does
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Joined: Aug 1999
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I'm just confused, tired, sick of this situation, and want resolution. I'm trying to decide if its better for all parties involved to know about it than just the two betrayers. This affair has been going on for 2 years.
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Joined: May 1999
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21
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You guys are right. A marriage based on hiding, lying, and infidelity is no marriage at all....just a habit.
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 277
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what is the ideal resolution?<BR>divorce? perhaps allowing affair to lead to marriage?<BR>or end affair? <P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Don't know...that's why I found this place. I guess I'm looking for answers and stumbled upon this board...I figured going to the source for info/advice/help was the best way. {I guess I also wonder if an affair is an affair and could it really work?}
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Joined: May 1999
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So what choices are you considering?<P>Are there children involved?<P>What are your priorities?
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 277
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Affairs are wrong. Period.<BR>Are you asking if continuing an affair can work?<BR>I can almost guarantee, even though it's been 2 years, eventually it will be discovered.<BR>I wish you'd consider giving a few more details ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif)
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Joined: Aug 1999
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Posts: 21 |
My Choices are: (1) dumping him....<BR> (2) telling her.....<BR> (3) getting on with my life.<P>OR<P>Staying in a wonderful relationship -- but only part-time....where everyone gets cheated. <BR>
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Joined: May 1999
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OK...you're in a same sex relationship?<P>or maybe I'm totally confused and need to go nite nite? *L*
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Joined: May 1999
Posts: 1,965
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So are you saying you are in a relationship with another man and wondering if you should tell your wife?
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Joined: Jun 1999
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curious -- I'm sorry, but I am really confused. There is now way anyone here can help if you won't tell us what's going on.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 21
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Posts: 21 |
Sorry...I didn't want to just say "hey, I'm the OW", but unfortunately I am. But I honestly want to do the best thing possible for all parties involved. I love him, but can live w/o him IF I have to. I feel that 2 years in an affair is WAY too long. I think he needs to sh** or get off the pot. He's got the best of both worlds here...and its not fair to her or me. She, apparently, knows nothing about it. But I think that "women know." I came here because I want to see ALL sides in this kind of relationship, and right now I can only see my side and his side. I felt I could get some perspective here....I can't very well call her and discuss it...although I'd really like to. So, what are my next steps?
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