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#55800 09/18/00 06:24 AM
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I've been married for 11 years. For the first few years our marriage was good. It had been down hill for many years. I go to counseling he doesn't. We both agree we have problems but we can't figure out how to make things better between us. I've read books and I've read post. I've asked friends and relatives for advice and nothing helps. Our biggest problem is we don't feel a bond together. We try to spend time with each other but it is hard for both of us to do so. We don't share any interest. So the time we try to spend together feels forced. On our days off work we spend it fighting. I'm getting wore out. I'm getting tired of trying to work this marriage out. I don't want to leave. We have two kids. I just don't know what else to do. Anyone have any advice? And please don't tell me to read all the post or Dr. Harley's stuff. I already have and nothing works. Thank you.

#55801 09/19/00 11:27 PM
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Hi<BR>I have been there. We have been married for almost 11 years now, 2 kids 10 and 5. <BR>Even though your time may feel forced together still keep doing it. If you can go away somewhere - is there any way you can take a trip and leave the kids with someone, I found when we were like that the first few days it was so wierd b/c we didn't even know what to say to eachother, it really helped to get away from everybody and everything. You have to think back to what you guys did before you had kids with eachother, try eachothers interests out - even if you think what he likes is boring and vice versa - keep it up and hopefully the love will come back to you guys. It is so easy to go seperate ways after having kids,another thing I found that we were doing is doing seperate things with the kids as well. We both make an effort now to do "family things" more and make sure we go out bowling or whatever all together - it has helped alot. Don't give up yet, and start to think back what it was that attracted you to him. <BR>i hope things get better for you

#55802 09/21/00 06:49 AM
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Thank you so much for your reply. Your kind words were very much appreciated. It is nice to have someone who can relate with my problem. Thank you again and I will take your advice.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fed up:<BR><B>Hi<BR>I have been there. We have been married for almost 11 years now, 2 kids 10 and 5. <BR>Even though your time may feel forced together still keep doing it. If you can go away somewhere - is there any way you can take a trip and leave the kids with someone, I found when we were like that the first few days it was so wierd b/c we didn't even know what to say to eachother, it really helped to get away from everybody and everything. You have to think back to what you guys did before you had kids with eachother, try eachothers interests out - even if you think what he likes is boring and vice versa - keep it up and hopefully the love will come back to you guys. It is so easy to go seperate ways after having kids,another thing I found that we were doing is doing seperate things with the kids as well. We both make an effort now to do "family things" more and make sure we go out bowling or whatever all together - it has helped alot. Don't give up yet, and start to think back what it was that attracted you to him. <BR>i hope things get better for you</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

#55803 09/30/00 05:27 AM
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When the tension is ridiculous, try humor. If you can laugh or get your husband to laugh, it can break the ice. "Dear, I'm not trying to start a new argument, this is the same one we've been on for the last three weeks."<P>You've got a lot of stuff to work through together. You may not even LIKE each other right now. "Okay, I can spare 30 minutes right now for fighting time. Let's begin. But I'm really tired so I can't promise any tears for at least 15 minutes."<P>You don't have any similar interests? Baloney. You both want to be happy. You both want peace and quiet in the home. You are both very tired of these difficulties and frustrations.<P>Decide to knock down your wall even if your husband leaves his wall up. Decide that you are going to believe your marriage is in a lot better shape than other peoples' who eventually repaired their marriage and had a close emotional bond. Decide that human nature never changes. Certains things will work if you do them long enough. You know what they are because you've read a lot.<BR>


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