Help!!! I am 27 years old and have been with my husband for 8 years and marrried almost 4 years. I was sexually abused all while growing up by my father and two step dads. I am an angry person and I do not know what to do.
I am having major problems with my husband and I do not know what to do about that either. We only have sex now about 3 times a month and it is really upsetting him because he does not understand what I am going through he does not understand depression. He is ready to leave me I do not want that to happen but he tells me that I have to change in order for this marriage to work. He is a wonderful husband I just do not know how to treat him. What can I do to make things better?<p>I am scared to take medication because my mother has taken anti- depressants every since I was a child and she is kind of addicted. I am about to loose my job because I am out of work nl less than 2 or 3 times a week my boss i fed up. I need help, I do not know what to do. Please pray for me. <p>
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First of all, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! You have led a very hard life and now are having to deal with all the emotional baggage.<p>IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE ABUSED! Don't think that.<p>What you do need is to find counseling for you and your husband. Your husband needs to understand that you are going through hell. Every time you make love to him, you are probably flashing back and even though he is trying to be gentle and nice....you associate those ways of touching with something that is vile and nasty.<p>As for medication, I myself am on mood stabilizers and I am not worried about becoming addicted as I can see the results in me. What happened with your mother will not happen to you if you keep you wits about you. Don't worry about it. Just because you may need a little help does not mean that you are any less strong.<p>If you need to talk, I will check back from time to time. <p>Blessings to you.

Honey, if you are clinically depressed, it's hurting more than your sex life. I have been there. I used to hate taking my meds but if I were diabetic, I'd take my insulin and my Zoloft is as much a life-saving tool as insulin or anything else to me.
About 8 years ago, I sat in my car in the garage wondering where the garden hose was while my kids cried outside the door and asked me what was wrong. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't make myself go to work. I had the biggest 'sad' in the universe and it never stopped hurting.<p>My doctor referred me to the local 'nut farm' and I balked. Only after I looked at my precious daughter one day and thought 'man, i'd feel so much better if I just beat the crap out of her' did I get scared enough to seek help. I was lucky enough to find a great psychiatrist and a good counselor and they helped me save my life.<p>Please, please, please seek professional help immediately. Medication for depression is no different than taking your daily vitamin--they both help maintain your health and well-being. also, you might check into the FMLA (family medical leave act) to protect your job--it covers debilitating illness.<p>Please keep us posted. Hugs and hugs.

Sex is important to men. For me, it is my most important EN, so if there are problems in the marriage resulting in lack of sex, then it's very hard for me to stay positive.<p>One of the few biblically justified reasons for divorce is when one partner denies the other sex.<p>
Now with that said, it seems that you have some real issues regarding this topic. Earlier in your marriage were you able to provide for your husband and satisfy him on this front? If so, what's changed recently (or not so recently) that's made your husband feel that he's not satisfied in this department?<p>Sometimes when men don't meet their wives EN, the wives don't meet the husband's and it becomes a quick downward spiral until one partner gives in.<p>
You've said that you are depressed. If that's true, a doctor CAN help you! I had a grandmother who was bi-polar and I saw first hand what a nut she was. I attributed some of that "nuttyness" to her psychotropic medications. For me, they held a real stigma not only socially, but directly through my experience with her.<p>My wife is an MD and suggested to me that I have a very good chance of being a canidate for medication. She noticed that I was moody (not getting manic, but moody), often sullen, and very often I would choose to socially isolate myself. I've always been this way and I've never had a problem functioning in a job.<p>I would not take depression medication until she left and made her point that way.<p>
I'm on "Zoloft" now. I ASSURE you, it is NOT addictive, not ABUSEABLE, and won't turn you into someone that you're not. It's not like valium or any type of sediative... Technically, it's an SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) if that means anything to you.. In the last few years drug companies have made great strides in the quality of SSRIs and MOA inhibitors.. <p>I'd suggest you talk with your doc. If you have a REAL chemical imbalance, they can drastically improve your quality of life.<p>I'm sure your husband is frustrated and doesn't understand.. I'd suggest counseling if he'll agree.. <p>
Both things, can improve your life drastically! What do you have to lose?<p>-d

Hey Mrs. K. My wife had the same background of abuse. It affected our marriage to. But I blamed her for the problems. I had mood swings because I was clinically depressed. Go to your Doctor. Anti-depressants aren't the nightmare they used to be. I'm on them AND mood stabilizers. And we're doing councelling. We're a basket case but I'm holding out in faith and prayer. My wife is a WS but I am bound and determined to love her back into this marriage. My mood swings are what pushed her to wander. With that under control I have to show her that she doesn't have that to fear anymore. I did what I had to to save my marriage. Meds and councelling. You can do it too. You've got my prayers. Jerry.

Hey K...How is it going?