Bear in mind that my H is not into POJA.

While I do not believe in premarital sex, I have no problems with unmarried people who have a sexual relationship....but I don't want it in our home, which includes our vacation home and our camper.

Back in the summer, I learned, while on the way to our vacation home, that H had invited an unmarried friend and his girlfriend up for the weekend. Since we had another couple and our daughter and grandson also coming for the weekend, this meant that the unmarried couple would be staying in our camper, which is parked beside our vacation home as a sort of guest house.

I told H that I did not like this, especially since our grandson was going to be there. H said, "Well, I'm not going to tell them to get a motel room after I invited them up there."

So, although I liked the girlfriend (first time I met her), I kept my mouth shut and was a gracious hostess. The only thing I said was to H's friend, "D, I don't know if grandson remembers meeting your wife (from when he was married), but if the question comes up about you and S sleeping in the camper, I'd appreciate it if you'd let grandson think you and girlfriend are married."

Yesterday, H was talking about how D's girlfriend offended him at a party in her home this weekend...she scolded him for saying damn in her house (bear in mind that she never minds saying the f-word, the s*** word, or "hell"), not to mention that she began her relationship with "D" before her divorce was final.). Thinking that H was thoroughly PO'd, I said, "Well, that's just as well, because I don't care about having her and "D" coming to stay with us while they're not married." H said, "Hey, she p***ed me off, but I don't dislike her, and if "D" wants to bring her up to the trailer, I'm not going to tell him he can't. I'm not going to tell him to get a room somewhere."

Apparently, my wishes don't mean a thing. So....what can I do about this? Refuse to go if he invites them? (Would be a LB) I heartily resent having to compromise my principles to keep from LBing H. What do I do? My initial thought is this: When they come up there, I could very gently explain how I feel, and fix her a bed on the sofa while he stays in the camper. Of course, there would be nothing to keep her from sneaking out to the camper after I'm asleep.]

What do I do??? And, how do I do it without LBing???

At risk of seeming to disagree with MB program, and also at risk of misunderstanding the situation since I don't know all these secret codes (What's a POJA?), it seems to me that some of the Love Buster antidotes require mutual agreements. If you don't have a mutual agreement, or it won't be kept for various reasons, then I endorse falling back on firmly held values.

I AGREE FIX SEPARATE SLEPPING QUARTERS FOR THE TWO OF THEM.

Hi, thanks for your thoughts on this.

MG2, POJA is the Policy of Joint Agreement.

Well, H has finally agreed that he will not invite them to our vacation home until after they are married. However, his relationship with "D" is such that they are both comfortable with "D" saying that he'd like to come visit us in our vacation home. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but H said that we could just fix a separate bed for the girlfriend in either our guestroom or (on the sofa if our married couple friends are also there) and "D" could stay out in the camper. H also pointed out that the girlfriend could just sneak out to the camper after we are asleep, but we'll just have to deal with it if it happens. If they get PO'd about having separate sleeping quarters, well there are motels all over the place up there.

Hope H doesn't renege on me; he's done that plenty of times before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />