Hi
It's me again just got off the phone with my ex. I have been tring to get back with her for the past two years. But the past is allways there. She wants a new van she said that she would pay for it. But I will have to sign for, she has no credit. She said she will also use the cash she wants me to give her 5000.00, this money she wants is from helping me get out of some money problems I had thourghout our 16 year marriage. I thought we were one at that time. I had an affire two years ago and I feel she will never let it go. Like, when it all happened the woman I was with was selling her house well my ex keep a flier from that sell on her dresser. It just sits there. I hate myself for what I did and sometimes it hurts so bad that I could take my own life. I feel that we sould have never divorced. I think now we could have worked thing out. I also feel that I have done enough to get us back together, But she wants so much more and I have no idea if she will ever take me back. I hurt so bad, I want to be back with my kids. She said she had a good thing going with the guy she meet after we split up and now she regrets not staying with him. I don't want someone else in my familys lives. Am I just scard to be alone. Should I grant her every wish no matter how wrong it seems. After all look what I did. I don't deserve a second chance. The past is never the past.

This is a tough one.

I think you should post this over in Emotional Needs. There are a ton of people there that really know their stuff and they can offer great advice to you.

Donny,

If the past cannot be the past
Then there is no future

Yeah we have to learn from the past but we can't live there. If she won't let it go you can't have a future. This is tough love I know, I'd recommend doing Plan A. Make yourself loveable.

I don't know your wife. But, I know me. I know that it is really hard to get over something like that. The past went away for me. I don't know how much damage she will have to do for her to feel you have been punished enough. If she is not seeing someone else and still spends time with you. Chances are she is trying to make you suffer until she feels you have earned her back. What would you lose if you did what she asked? If you think you will lose to much for a chance then don't. If on the other hand you think that it is a good gamble then do it. I hate gambling tho... *lol*

Donny, NOTHING is worth taking your life for.

I personally know how hard it is for a WS to forgive yourself for an A but it can be done. I'm so sorry your W is still punishing you.

Your W sounds very immature and I really don't think you are wrong to resist giving her money. She needs to desire YOU and not what you can give her. It shouldn't be about money.

Two years is a long time to cling to the past. It doesn't sound like your W is ready to let go and yet it sounds like you still love her very much. It's quite understandable that you fear being alone. I don't know what to tell you since the divorce is final except not to enter into another relationship until you are sure this one is really over. Miracles do happen; yet you need to be realistic. It's not an easy choice before you.

Maybe you might consider getting some counselling to help you establish healthy boundaries so your W doesn't play on your guilt--and to get some help to let that guilt go. You are sorry for the past and it's over. You've learned a painful lesson you are not willing to repeat. Celebrate the courage you have shown to move on and that you have truly tried to make amends.