Recently, my fiancee and I have been going through a lot and one of the things that isn't helping matters is his swearing at me.

Normally, he is a wonderful loving man... but when he gets angry and can't seem to get his point across... he just calls me a b**** or something. Now, to me, from a family that doesn't swear... this is unheard of. I know and have told him that this is verbal abuse and I won't stand for it. So, it has cut down quite a bit but again from time to time, he will call me names.

I have suggested that we go to some therapy and he has agreed to it but I haven't gotten around to it because it is so costly!

I would love some input as I know that he doesn't want to treat me this way!

almost,

Name-calling and swearing are abusive behaviors.

I hope you won't be offended by this but will take it with the spirit in which it's offered. I see something in your posts that is troubling to me, because I can relate to some of it.

IMO, you're setting yourself up for a lot of misery with this man. In several different posts, you mention one and another of his character issues and behaviors, and none of them are very promising for you.

I know you love this man, but you have no idea, do you, what you're getting into with him. It is very true that the way he treats you RIGHT NOW is likely to be the best it will ever be. They don't start treating you better once you're married.

Please go back and read all of your posts about him. Make a list of the negatives and another list of the positives. Stick to facts, trying to leave emotion out of it.

Is this really the man you want to marry?

God bless,
PM

I know that the posts that I leave sound very bad. But, I haven't gotten a chance to list the positives, and worse yet... he hasn't gotten a chance to list the negatives about me. There are two sides, I know.

I came to this site to get a little support and I find that everyone seems so negative. To begin with, my relationship is actually a very very very happy one. We love each other so much and on a day to day basis we enjoy each other very much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This man is a blessing to me.

In the last few months, we have had some hard times. I was in Europe for a month and we had several long distance arguements... since then... we've had lots of conflict and NEITHER of us could handle it very well.

True, I have recently been a regular problem poster, but trust me... if there was an area of positive things that I could post, I would be there too. What I really want is help and answers to individual problems that arise... not everyone saying how their X used to be the same way and I am headed for divorce... blah, blah, blah...

***P.S. Do you notice that NO ONE posts good things in the ideas section???***

almost - Here's something positive for you. It's great that you actually cut down the cussing!! Guys are usually set in their ways and ignore the obvious and, as in my case, the sometimes not-so-obvious. If going to a counselor is too expensive, at the very least, get together and have a real heart-to-heart where both you and him can express what you both want out of this relationship. I haven't gotten any of Dr. Harley's books yet, it's in the works, but one I'm currently reading is Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue". It teaches a lot about the most important thing in your relationship, YOU. It guides you thru assessing what you want from yourself as well as the relationship.

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 04:57 PM: Message edited by: Bubba4Bebe ]</small>

almost, I apologize if I sounded too negative. Truth be told, your posts sound quite negative, and you have brought them to a site that is wrought with pain.

However, it's also wrought with a LOT of love -- spouses and significant others who love one another despite horrific pain, and people who love and care for one another as fellow posters.

The answers you get to your posts will reflect all of those conditions: when someone posts to you, as I have, with a sort of warning tone, please consider that it is done with your best interests at heart.

Tell me something good, and I'll say "congratulations".

God bless,
PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by papermom:
<strong> almost, I apologize if I sounded too negative. Truth be told, your posts sound quite negative, and you have brought them to a site that is wrought with pain.

However, it's also wrought with a LOT of love -- spouses and significant others who love one another despite horrific pain, and people who love and care for one another as fellow posters.

The answers you get to your posts will reflect all of those conditions: when someone posts to you, as I have, with a sort of warning tone, please consider that it is done with your best interests at heart.

Tell me something good, and I'll say "congratulations".

God bless,
PM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for your input and I definitely do understand where you are coming from! It is hard to outline an entire relationship through a series of posts! Anyway, your feedback, and anyone's feedback is much appreciated...

I know the site is filled with so much pain and it is terrible... but, I guess we can use the experiences as a learning tool as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />