Been married for 15 years 2 kids suspected wife of having another man and then I made stupid mistake and had a one time incident with another women. Wife is now seeing the man I suspected. Been out of house for one month, I am in counseling she is not. She states she needs a legal seperation at this time and is not sure if we will get back together. I know I made a stupid mistake and I really love her. Don't know where to turn.

I'm sorry that you're going through this rough time. It will get better. I know you don't beleive it but it will.

Did your wife ask you to leave after learning of your "incident"?

If you guys were trying to work things out after you found out about her then what you did wasn't too cool either.

Sometimes when you're in a marriage that long its possible to grow apart and find other people attractive. The key is to keep the flame and the interest with each other over the years.

If you still want your marriage then you should talk to your wife and decide what the next step will be. Try and work on a better communication between you and leave the affairs at the door.

An eye for an eye is never a good solution or a way to get even. Besides...You said you suspected. First you need the facts before you can move forward. You let that be an excuse to do what you did.

I hope you can work it out.

Q

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 10:33 AM: Message edited by: Querida ]</small>

I don't think my wife would ever confess to her possible indiscretion. And I am not trying to blame her for my stupid action, all I was doing is trying to give some insight as to where my brain was when I did that stupid one time incident. I asked her on several occasions what was wrong and she stated she didn't know and would work them out on her own, and I went with what I saw, actions sometimes speak louder than words. There were numerous things that on there own mean nothing but when they are all together seem to point in one direction. Is it possible she could down the road see what was wrong and say lets try it again or am I just chasing windmills?

In my opinion that is very possible. She may just be rebelling against you as you were with her. I believe in intuition though and you must have had a pretty good idea of what was going on to do what you did. This might have been the perfect opportunity for her to bring her affair out of the closet or to take action on an affair that was about to happen anyways. Maybe you should try to hook up your one night stand with your wifes lover. JK. It seems too much of a coincidence that the guy you suspected is the guy she is now with. She may soon find that you have many qualities that the other guy doesn't in the meantime find out what she likes in him and be prepared with those qualities if the opportunity arises

I think you need to start at the top.

Both literally and figuratively.

At the top of this page are some links named Concepts and Q&A. Concepts (referred to as BC for Basic Concepts), introduces the fundamental principles by which this site operates, in terms of coupls interactions, expectations, all that stuff.

It is critical to understand this material.

Then, in the Q&A section, Dr. Harley has written *numerous* articles on infidelity, and recovery. You need to read those. In detail. several times. And then look at how you can apply those principles to your current situation.

Also note that there is a big section dealing with infidelity on this board, you may get more input posting over there.

But still, start with the basic concepts. And then work your way forward.

There is *good* material here. It can change your life. But you have to read an dabsorb it first.

There are no quick/pat answers.