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#60354 07/21/98 06:47 PM
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My husband and I have been married for 7 years this September; however, we have been together for 10 years (have lived together 9 out of those 10 years). My husband has always had a bad temper from the first time we moved in together. For the most part, we can argue civially; however, if I make him mad by doing something that he feels is stupid or that I didn't do what I was supposed to do, he tends to have anger outbursts. His outburts include: yelling, cursing, cursing at me, saying things that hurt my feelings, and on rare occasions-- throwing things at the wall (he rarely does this anymore since our two children were born). He doesn't have these outbursts as often as he used to, but lately (within the past year) they have seemed to increase again. I have asked him not to curse or curse at me; I have asked him to calm down when he's angry; I have asked him these things while pointing out that I don't do these things to him when I'm angry. I don't call him names or say things to hurt his feelings. I have thought about divorce so many times because of his anger. I even went back to school and graduated with a different degree so that I would be able to support myself and our children, if it ever became necessary. Although I really love him and I want this marriage to work and last a lifetime, I am getting tired of feeling bad or little or hurt when he gets angry with me. Also, I don't want our daughters growing up learning this is an ok marriage to have. My father treats my mom ok, but when I look at their marriage, I also see that he puts her down and humiliates her a lot. He doesn't curse her out, but he did use to curse a lot when he got mad. I don't want this to be a continuous cycle. My husband is fully aware of how my dad treats and has treated my mom-- he doesn't agree with it. I have made reference to my husband on numerous ocassions that I feel he treats me like my dad treats my mom. I just don't know what else to do. It's been 10 years that we've been together--- I don't think my husband is going to change, and I don't think I am either; although, I am willing to. I am trying to keep this marriage working. I am trying to stay in it and stay happy. Please help me if you can. Do you think divorce seems to be imminent? Thanks for your response.

#60355 07/21/98 08:33 PM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 305
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 305
Sparrow,
<p>All is not lost but you must be willing to stand your ground. For nine years I let my husband put me down and curse at me and call me names. Once in awhile I would tell him how much this hurt me but I would usually just go off crying and let him get away with it. A year ago I started to stand my ground and everytime he would do it I would look him in the eye and tell him how it made me feel. At first it made the matter worse but the firmer I was in my position the more he began to see how serious I was. Once I noticed that he was paying attention I suggested counseling. Right now we are getting it separatly but it is helping and soon we will do it together. Things can change but it will take alot of work. Good Luck!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com])
<br>Steph


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