I dated my husband for quite awhile before we married, I hate to say it but I thought I'd change him. Whenever we disagree he gets verbally abusive and then ignores me for days even weeks. I am never allowed to express my opinion, for that gets me the cold shoulder treatment also. We have 3 children together which really complicates the issues. I am suppose to be setting examples for my children and so far the message is Dad is in control. If I disagree with my husband, the kids beg me not to say any thing just to avoid a full fledged blow out! I dont want them to become submissive and the funny thing is I was never like this.I guess over the years ( 10 years )it became easier to let things go for the peace in the home. Now I am at a point where I can no longer stand the lack of respect the control and the selfishness my husband displays. I can not talk to him because he refuses to listen to me. He says anyone would want him and I should be happy. Let me also note I work 30 hours a week outside the home, take full care of the kids, drive to all extra activities for the kids, do all the housework, take care of all the finances, take full care of both the pets, do the shopping and errands.

Hi Desperate,
<p>I can't give you any real advice, other than you and he need to discuss his "behaviour" and how it affects you. I think that Dr. Harley's "Give & Take" probably would be a good resource. I know that I'm finding my eyes opened on quite a few subjects. Not just why my wife acts the way she does, but I'm gaining insite into why I act the way I do!
<p>It sounds like you're doing much if not all of the work to run the home, and he probably doesn't realize and respect how much work this can be. As a result, he doesn't know how well you are meeting his needs.
<p>In a nutshell, it all comes down to communication, and unfortunately, the "responsibility" for initiating this communication falls to the partner who is experiencing discomfort - you. (Me - in the case of our marriage.) You will need to put the subject of negotiating on the table. I would suggest that you read "Give & Take" and do whatever you can to get him to read it as well. You may need to make him realize how important this is to you by suggesting a third party help you resolve it. Having him read the book and to deal fairly with you can be a position you negotiate to.
<p>In your defense, he may THINK "anybody would want him", and initially, that may be true. After they get a load of how he treats them, they would soon feel as you do! (Not that I'm suggesting you tell him to take a hike, he needs to come to this realization himself.)
<p>Val