Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#60384 10/30/98 02:55 PM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 2
D
diana Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
D
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 2

<br>I feel really stupid, because even though my husband's alcoholism was ruining our relationship before we married, I married him anyway. We got pregnant 4 months after we married, and now have a 4 mo old.
<br>My husband and I have gone to conselors,. He would refuse to believe that his alcoholism was the problem, he just kept saying that I was a "control freak". 6 mo. ago, he said that he would quit drinking because he was "so sick of my complaining", but that he "knew that I'd still find something else to complain about."
<br> We get along very well when we're together all day. However; whenever he leaves the house and returns, I always suspect him of drinking, going to a bar. He has lied many times, all trust is gone. I dread getting the bills, because I always find charges to bars. He tells me that he drinks non-alc. beer, but I hate his going to bars. He yells at me if I'm suspicious when he comes home acting "different". What should I do?

#60385 10/30/98 05:47 PM
Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
If your husband is an alcoholic, you cannot do anything *for* him. You should seek out an organization such as Al-Anon, which is a support group for family and friends of people who have alcohol related problems. You might also want to seek individual counseling for yourself. Everything I have read about alcoholism (I work at a college, so there is *lots* of information floating around about alcohol) indicates that you need to get your own support and make your own decisions about your life.
<p>I would seriously doubt that your husband is drinking non-alcohol beer at the bar. Most bars around here don't even carry non-alcohol beer. Plus, if he had a drinking problem before, he would undoubtedly go back to it when next exposed to alcohol.
<p>Please, take care of you and your child. He will only change if and when *he* realizes he has a drinking problem. With a support network that understands the problems of alcohol, you will be empowered to decide for yourself if you are willing to wait for him to make that decision.
<p>terri

#60386 11/04/98 01:34 AM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 51
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 51
Dear Diana,
<p>Terri speaks the truth. Unfortunately, until your Husband admits he is an alcoholic, and seeks help he will continue down the path of self-destruction. Don't let him take you and the child there with him. I was a substance abuser for many years, and I have been clean for almost 4 years now, and I can remember telling myself and others that I didn't have a problem. Finally, from prison I admitted I had a problem and worked very hard to overcome it. The unfortunate thing is, aside from his pain (which he doesn't want to admit) is the long lasting affect it will have on you and your child. The hardest thing you may ever do is to walk away from him and help him to realize that you won't go down that path of destruction. At the same time do what you can to communicate your feelings to him when he is sober and willing to listen. Tell him you love him, if you do, but let him know that you matter and your child matters. Alcholism as well as other "Addictions" can be beaten, but not until one realizes that the problem exists.
<p>Good Luck. Peace
<p>John_98
<p>Feel free to E-Mail me @ JCWELL@thegrid.net

#60387 11/05/98 03:52 PM
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 438
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 438
Me and my husband divorced due to his drinking also; and it was hurting me and the kids horribly. I had to finally walk away and I realized I couldn't help him anymore. I prayed for him and I kept in touch wiht him and his parents, but I could not get him to go to AA or admit it. He remarried and his 2nd wife divorced him due to drinking. His next girlfriend did the same. Now, after 9 long years ,he has quit drinking and is changing his life. Sad for us; but they can do it when they finally get tired of it and admit it. <br>For me, I got out and could have saved our 2 childrens lives. He had a few car accidents (drinking) and could have killed our kids if they'd of been with him. Its been a long haul, but he has seen the worse side of it and is changing. Hopefully, your husband will too.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 905 guests, and 53 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5