I posted earlier on this board and seeing that nobody has responded I fear that I may have frightened off any readers. Reading it again myself I can see that it is a bit overwhelming. To keep things simpler this time, I am here to say that it is no wonder things were the way they were. In therapy, we are able to really put truth on the table... apparently he had been not so truthful with me either! I was a bit shocked at everything that is coming out, but releived that we are both not lying to ourselves and each other anymore. Therapy may not be for everyone, but it is definitely good, hard work through which a deeper level of intimacy is gained (and considering the last year and a half I described to you... it is essential for us). We are learning to reflect what the other has said, and how that can make the difficult feelings easier to get out b/c it keeps a flow in the discussion without getting taken away by anger and by making each other feel listened to. <p>Anyway, I hope that this time you don't click my post closed with a "geez, why are they even together" thought. Instead, I want to communicate that there is a deep love that was burried beaneath all those issues mentioned before. We are really becoming closer, and I was able to face the truth about an agenda I had but didn't even realize it. Letting go of that has been a tremendous help and has helped me slow down and be with my husband in the present. <p>It is so important to have both partners agree on what is wanted in the marraige... it creates a supportive environment for those things to take place. If there is disagreement, there can be anger and resentment which create a very unsupportive, unloving, and uncomfortable situation.<p>Please seek help as a coulpe, or for yourself, if the spouse won't go. Letting go lets you really live, perhaps differently than you thought, but better than you thought possible.<p>Miranda in MD<br>