In the past few months, my H and I have had such difficult times that we both pushed eachother to our limits. There are lots of issues we need to work out, but because of all the problems, it seems like I want to save our marriage more than he does. It seems like he just wants to give up and be good friends. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but I believe we are very fearful of falling into the same destructive patern. After many discussions, we are now going through a trial separation to give eachother time to breathe and think about whether or not we are truly meant to be together. I am very attached to my family and he is not. Family has been one of our main causes for arguing and it's simply because my family is very united and affectionate and he is not. They have done nothing to him, as a matter of fact, my parents have even tried to help with our problems, but he just takes it as if they are attacking him! As a result he wants NOTHING to do with them and that hurts me deeply. There are issues about myself that I'm willing to change, but he seems so fed up that he's not willing to change. We have been separated for a total of 5 days. I'm staying with my parents. I left because I have all my family here and he doesn't. His family lives in Mexico City. He has always said that he wants to go back as soon as a good opportunity comes up for him back home. I feel devestated about leaving my family and my country. I've been to Mexico City often, but just can't see myself living there. If things worked out, should I leave with him to Mexico City?? Am I being unfair? I'm seeing a psychologist now who is helping me tremendously. We're taking things one step at a time, but this question has been lingering in my head for a couple of days now. Please tell me...Is it worth leaving your family and your country for your husband? I guess the truth is that if I love him, I should give up everything for him, but I have a feeling that I will NOT be happy there. Please help!

Ginnie- I could have written your story. I've been married 24years. My family is very small but close knit. My parents did anything and everything to help me. His family is the proverbial dysfunctional family. My mom, unfortunately is very domineering and controlling, as is my husband. therefore- FIREWORKS. My husband has been really unkind and rude to my mom. She doesn't realize she is such a pain in the neck. We have always spent xmas together w/ my family. This year he was adamant about not having my parents here. So I had to bite the bullet and tell them we were having problems and it was best for my immediate family to be alone this year. It hurt me terribly. My mom was absolutley crushed. And, although my h always said he thought I didn't have guts to stand up to my mom, I think he felt guilty and perhaps still does- to do this to them. But Ginnie, bottom line, I think I have to stand next to my husband. I chose him to spend my life with me, not my folks or other family and he has to be my best friend (even though it doesn't seem like that right now). One thing, I really try not to get my family involved w/ our relationship because I think that they can really sabotage my efforts without wanting to. I always remember how blessed I am to have such great parents but then, I have to remind myself that as my kids are only on loan to me for 18years, they (my parents)also will to give up some "ownership" of me because I have been in the middle of my h and my parents mess for way too long. I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep over this mess and I still wake up and feel sad- but I had to choose who my first allegiance should be to and it has to be my h. I hate all these types of problems but I hope something I said helped you.