My wife has just asked me for a divorce because she is tired of being the only one to get up to see the kids off to school in the morning.
I work late at night and at times do not get home until midnight. When I get home I like to relax a little before going to bed just like everyone else does. My wife ALWAYS stays up till I get home. Even when she is really tired she stays up till I get home. I have told her on more than one occasion that although I really do appreciate her staying up to see me when I get home I would not mind if she was asleep when I got home. She still insists on staying up till I get home. Now, she will ineveitably go to sleep within a half hour of me getting home and I will remain awake for another hour or two and then come to bed. On average I get to bed about 1:30am to 2:00am. This would mean that I would get 5 hours of sleep then have to get up again to get the kids off to school. I have a problem which is when I get up I am up for the day, I cannot, no matter how hard I try, go back to bed. I have told her this time and time again as well. So on the occasions when I have gotten the kids off to school to give her a break I only get between 4 and 5 hours of sleep and then I have to go to work and make it through the rest of the day on only 5 hours of sleep. I can do this for a short amount of time but my wife would like it if it were all the time it seems. Again, when I do let her sleep and get the kids off to school she sleeps till I leave for work at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Even on the days where she gets the kids off to school she will wake up, get them to school, then go back to bed till noon or so. She does not have a sleeping disorder, she checked with our family doctor about that. She is not depressed, again she went to our family doctor, got some refurals and saw a psyciatric doctor. There is nothing wrong with here except that she has carpul tunnel in her wrists and refuses to go get the surgery because she thinks that no one will take care of things while she is gone and that the kids will not make it to school. She is very demanding as well. I love my wife more than anything but this is just driving me nuts. I work late and am supposed to get up early and take care of everything so she can sleep till noon is what it seems like. When she wants somthing done she wants it done NOW, not in 5 mins or 2 mins NOW. And by god if it isnt done then I just dont love her and am a lazy [censored]. I went to join the masons a year ago and was inducted in as an Entered Apprentice. I had some grand ideas that the masons would make my life so much better. I have since then discovered that it is nothing more than a bunch of old men who sit around and play cards and BS. So it wasnt what I thought it was and I opted out. Well damn you, I WANTED YOU TO BECOME A MASON. How dare you not follow through with it. I am very confused and upset right now and do not know how to proceed. I fluctuate between wanting to cry and being very angry. She refuses to go see a counselor because they have never done her any good in the past so why should she go now. I would really appreciate any comments or advice in this matter. I am truly lost. I love her so much but at the same time she is driving me out.

Shawn,<p>Your W sounds demanding. Was she always like this, or has she become like this over time? I find my W becoming more demanding over time as I was not meeting her ENs. I'm new to this MB site, but from what I've read, reparing the marriage always begins with ourselves. We need to quit LB and. It sounds like if you haven't already, read as much as you can from the books mentioned on this site.<p>As far as getting the kids off to school have you tried the idea of taking turns, every other day, or every other week switching who does it. I know it puts more demands on you, but I get the feeling she doesn't feel you are giving her some breaks she needs.<p>How many kids do you have? Do you help out with other household chores or doing things with the kids to give your W time to herself?<p>It sounds like there's more to this story since it seems a bit drastic that she would ask for a DV because of this one issue. Please share more and don't lose hope. If you are willing to put the effort in, I believe you can change the situation. This is the hope I carry with me, however I still have much to learn.<p>Best wishes

Maybe she isn't upset with you as much as herself and we seem to lash out at the ones we love the most and are the closest to us. I know when I was home all day it was hard to be motavated and then I got upset at my H and kids because I didn't get things done, it is a bad habbit to brake. Has she talked about a job or doing something outside of the house, it might help. Sometimes as woman/mothers we feel like men do that we have to be superman/woman because things won't get done without us. Remind her as much as you love her that you are pateners in everything! She has to be happy with herself before she can make any one else happy. Good luck! Divorce is not the easy way out, sometime it is the difficult way out.

Hello, I am the boring back to basics guy. I discovered this site after reading one of Dr Harley&#8217;s books. And ever since I read posts like yours of pain and panic that comes of not knowing there is a problem and not understanding, it let alone know how to fix it. So READ THE BOOKS! "Love Busters" teach us about our bad habits that destroy romantic love and how to eliminate them from our relationships. "His Needs Her Needs" teach us how to meet each other&#8217;s needs and to build up romantic love. I recommend you order the books (online here or amazon) and until they come in read "the basics" until they come in. There is lots of other good materiel here but get the books, read them (I recommend LB first), both of you.
You may still need counseling, but I have learned that change comes from within, councilors only guide us. There are times that we are in so much pain that we become irrational, guard against this, if you cannot then see the councilor for sure HNHN has info on how to select a councilor. With or without counseling, having read the books you will have wonderful resources to work with.
Also while you are waiting for the books download the printer friendly versions of "Love Busters Survey" or is it questionnaire? Any way and the print friendly version of "emotional needs survey" and both of you fill them out. These will give you a clue to your problems but do not panic if you do not know what to do with the info, the books will teach you to resolve the conflict and understand one another.
Marriage is one place where ignorance is not bliss.
May God be with you both?