I really like the Policy of Joint Agreement.

Good news!!!!We have had a huge break through here...This is what my H had to say about this site and this topic....

"I have gone to this site and read most of what you are speaking of ( I have already read this a while ago, the link you just sent me. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_guide.html) I have even read your talks with those other people on the site. One thing that bothers me about your discussions is that fact that all they can think of is an affair because that is what happened in their relationship. I DO know what you feel now about my outings with "the gang" on Friday nights at the bar and next time I am invited to one I am definitely going to ask you to go with us and if we cant find a babysitter then I wont be going either. You don't need to worry about this anymore, not going to happen without thinking of you first!"

I am so full of love for this man! I see so much potential for our marriage now! I am just so incredibly happy!!!

People come in different sizes and shapes, and their needs, and the understanding of the spouse will vary. However, both of you need a break, from the daily routines, and the fact that he wants to do it by himself, migh indicate an area that you are not fullfulling properly. This might not be entirely your fault, but I think you should look at your needs, and his needs, and see how they are being fullfilled. I was in your husbands shoes at one point, and it lead me to an infidelity, that have caused a lot of pain, to me and my wife, and I still do not know if I will be able to get her back. And now, its when I am looking at her needs, hoping it is not too late.

Ask if he will be willing to take you out at least as much as he goes out with his friends.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JoLeYn:
<strong>It hurts me when I have to wonder why, it would be such a big deal for him to say, "yea, I'll meet you guys at 6:30, but first I'm gonna pick up my wife...it's not like I can't have "office" adult conversation. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am going through the exact same thing. I have come to wonder what is wrong with me? I mean, it's constant. I know my husband works two jobs and needs to unwind, but what about me? My problem is I don't want to be that nagging wife. I figure it would go this way:
I would ask him why couldn't he stay home or maybe we go out together and then he would probably get mad and storm out anyway, again, leaving me at home alone.
I also put into consideration that since I have been ill ( I have MS-but so sick of saying so on these boards, lol, though it is one of two big factors) and maybe he doesn't want to be around me having a few problems. However, I have to say that if you don't know me and just to look at me, you'd never know anything was wrong except a slight limp.
When he comes home from work, he doesn't say anything to me. He'll fix himself something to eat and go into the other room to watch tv and don't dare disturb his reruns or else. He won't even stay in the same room with me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I've posted this before and tried the suggestions given to me, but still, here I sit alone. Every weekend.

From experience...if you feel uncomfortable, follow your gut. I trusted 100%+ and I have gottne burned badly. H had A w/ his boss. This after a 10 yr relationship. This was the man I swore would NEVER cheat on me and I would have trusted him at the beach with the Hooters girls :-) Go with your instinct and come to an agreement. Utilize the POJA. It helps. Good luck.

Havent read this whole thread but I agree with "desperatelytrying". Alcohol in mixed company with out you is not a ggod thing. My ex-H withdrew from me. Started acting like a teenage boy like I was his mom telling me "You never let me do anything I want to do". I was not clingy or domineering. Most of the time whaterver he wanted to do I said ok. But when it came to work outings, we went together. (He doesnt drink, but wanted to be with them.) One time he went out without telling me the party was that evening (purposely). I had evening classes & he did not come home til 11:30 on a weeknight. It was the birthday of this whore he ended up having his affair with. Looking back, they were probably already involved.

I would definately voice my concern over the Bar scene and your H should be willing to compromise somehow. Why cant he relive the stress from work another way? What hobbies does he have? Mine loved cars & was always tinkering with friends cars and buying home improvement books to fix things in our house. I let him do whatever, though we ended up arguing over house stuff. I think you both do need to get out separately from time to time & breath some life into the relationship, but the activites need to be positive ones. Alcohol & mixed company & him solo at the bar is NOT the way to go. My ex-H would go to classes at Home Depot onw how to do things, or go to car shows. He likes gizmos & gadgets & spent time in those stores. If he wanted to see some overly macho movie, I wanted him to go with one of the guys etc. What are your interests/hobbies ? Both find something connected to that - volunteer work etc. Sounds like you need a "date night" for each other also or a night away at some nice B&B.

Talk to each other! Dont let this fester!

Sounds like you need to have "date night."

Approach your H in a posative way and tell that you like to spend more "quality" time with him. Get a sitter for the kids and plan a date. Hopefully the outcome will be that both of you get your EN's met.