My husband seems to have a bad habit of telling me yes when he means no. I'll ask him to do things around the house now and then to help me out, or sometimes I'll ask him what he thinks of an idea I have, that sort of thing. He almost always says yes. If I ask him if he'll take out the garbage tonight, he'll say "yep." If I ask him if it's ok for me to go buy a pair of earrings that I've had my eye on for a while, he'll say "whatever you want." If I ask him if he's planning on finishing the project he started three months ago, he'll say yes, but he never means it. He wont take the garbage out, no matter how many times I remind him because he doesn't want to. He'll tell me its ok with him if I spend some money even though he knows his car needs brakes soon and knows we cant spare the cash this week. And he'll tell me he's goign to finish what he started but he wont becuase he doesn't really want to right now. He'll finish it eventually, but in his own good time, but he wont tell me that. Instead he leaves me expecting that he'll do what he says he will. And sometimes I'm expecting him to fulfill some obligation becuase my own obligations hinge on his, and its very frustrating when I find I can't depend on him to do what he says he will. I've tried to explain this to him, but he keeps doing it. And now that I've begun to recognise an empty promise when I hear it, I ask again, citing the times when he's said he's goign to do something and doesn't, and again he assures me he will. What am I doing wrong? I"m just ASKING him if he is willing to do these things, not forcing him. Yet he brushes me off. I try to make it clear that he doesnt have to. Its only after the deadline has passed that I can ever drag out of him that yes he ignored it becuase he didn't want to do it and the reasons why. Also, he seems to be insulted when occasioanlly I call his bluff and I'm wrong, when he says he'll do something and actually does it. It doesnt matter to me really if he does the things I ask of him or not. They're just requests. AS for telling me I can do somethign even when he knows or doesn't think it is a good idea, I ususally only find out about that after the fact too. He cant tell me no. I just want a straight answer out of him. Any advice?

I have the same problem. I'm not sure you'll like my advice. I finally stopped asking.I was at the end of my rope. I finally had a talk with my husband and told him I will no longer ask him to do things. I don't feel that I ask much. I only asked for things I didn't think I could do myself. I've learned that I can do them myself.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that my husband doesn't do anything. In my situation, he has two week days off. I don't. Some of the things I asked him to do needed to be done during work hours. I've now taken it upon myself to do those things myself. At first, my attitude was one of resignation. I'll never get what I want, so why bother asking anymore. Now I just do it. It has taken pressure off of both of us. Also, when there are things I need to ask him to do, he knows I really need the help and most times does it.

It seems unfair and may not work for everyone, but it has worked for me.

Michele

Your husband just has different priorities than you, and it sounds like he'll just say what you want to hear so that he can continue doing what he really wants to do.

I handled it the same way as MicheleD earlier in our marriage. I quit asking him and would just do the tasks myself. That way I wouldn't be let down or get disappointed. Then later, my husband wondered why I didn't have any free time to spend time w/him. I explained all that I had to do...mow the lawn, do laundry, clean the house, go get groceries, etc. Then, he would say, well if I took your list & got groceries, then can we sit down tonight & watch a movie? And he would help me! Granted, I still do like 85% of the household duties, but at least it's not 100% w/me getting irritated at him!

And for those really tough projects that you don't know how to do (for me that is anything that involves a drill)? I would ask my hubby for help. When he said he would do it, but didn't lift a finger, I would take that drill, and make a complete fool out of myself. Then my husband would come out, have pity on me, laugh at my blunder, and then say, "let me show you how to do that." And guess what? He would do the entire project for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Those are my tricks.

Hi all!

A trick I learned after about 15 years of "asking" him to do things is when he does ANYTHING, no matter how small, compliment him as if he just solved the world hunger problem. I mean, HEAP on the praise. Your husbands will LOVE it, and then are way more inclined to do things for you if they get such a wonderful reaction to it!

I swear by this now...try it!

Well, he's done it again. It's driving me nuts. (the following story is a simplified version of a much longer, more conveluted tale) A friend of mine pulled some strings when a spot at his company opened up. Its a much better job than the one my husband has now. All he had to do was call them and send in his resume and he was almost guaranteed to get the position because of my friend's recommendation. He put it off and put it off. This was months ago. Twice since then it looked liek his ooprtunity to get the job had passed, but for some odd reason, its still vacant, and they're still waiting to hear from him whether he wants it or not. I keep asking him, "Do you want the job?" He says yes. "Then why wont you call them?" No answer. We've talked about the reasons he may be unsure about getting the new job, but he wont even call them to set up an interview. Its not liek he has to decide this minute. HE doesn't even know that much about the job yet because he hasn't talked to anyone. I ask him when he's going to call them, he just says, "I will." This isn't something I can do for him. Having no education and no marketable skills to speak of, he is never going to get somethign like this handed to him ever again, and fate keeps trying to give it to him it seems. If he got this job, we could afford to start a family. I explained this to him, and then I asked him, "Do you still want to have kids?" he says, "....yeah." I asked him if he's sure, he says, "I think I'm sure." Should I take that as a no as well? I can't even explain why he does this. Why does he leave me hanging? expecting something when he doesn't want to and isn't going to fulfill it? If he would just tell me no, then that would be the end of it and I'd get over it. In those rare instances when he has told me no, I naver hounded him or nagged him to do it anyway. If he said he didnt want to take the job, I would ask why, and then I would accept his answer. I've talked directly to him about this but nothing seems to help, nor can I drag out of him why he does it. I just dont knwo what to do. Suddenly I 'm finding myself faced with a future living with a man who will never establish a career forhimself, no children, and no time to do any of the other things I want to do with my own life because I'll need four jobs in the year 2025 when gas costs $64/gallon and my husband is still pushing carriages in a parkinglot. It's probably fear. I'm almost certain that he's just afraid of the change, but he wont even look into it, despite the 100 times he's told me he will. "Ok, I'll look for a new job.", "sure I want kids someday." Its easy to say. But he never backs it up. What do I do?

I have had exactly that same problem with two different fiance's. (Not at the same time,LOL.)

Look up passive/aggressive on google for your answers. I did a print out on a questioneer for that very subject and showed it to my now fiance'.

After beating my head against the wall for the umteenth time, I decided once and for all we needed to get on the same page or call it quits!

He read that questioneer and saw a revelation about not only himself, but his Mother, and both sisters. We are now in the process of figuring out how to do things a bit different. It amazed him and lite a fire under him, or so it seems. But I guess I won't know for sure for awhile...But I am hopeful that it gives us a place to start...after 4 yrs. of this.

Hopefully this will help you too. Good luck!