I have been in a serious relationship for over a year. He's 33 (divorcee) with a daughter of almost 7 and I 26. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him but as husband and wife. Last year I moved into his house for a month and then returned back home again after a terrible fight. I'm still living on my own. I asked him about two months ago wether he has any intention of marrying me and he said yes. I told him a day afterwards that an intention doesn't mean much, since we all have intentions not to hurt each other, whichever way, but still sometimes we do. So an intention to marry doesn't mean much. I get the feeling that he is never going to propose and my friend's husband has told me to understand his insecurities about getting remarried since his previous marriage was a failure. That is quite understandable but I'm am very frustrated. I basically sleep over at his place every night, we cook supper at his house, I buy all the groceries, I do the garden and often he asks me for advice on revamping the house. I'm getting overly anxious and I don't want to scare him but I do want to know when things are going to happen for us. Can anyone please give me any advice on how to approach the topic. Thanx

Don't know what to tell you, I had a similar relationship about 3 years ago. I thought that we were very happy, but I finally snapped out of it. We dated about a year and a half, he also had a daughter around 8. Our relationship was either me going to his house or him coming to my house. I would cook and clean for him, give him comments on how to make his house look better. I thought that I was everything to him, but I wasn't. He never wanted to talk about marriage with me. His comments were that he wasn't meant for marriage. Why didn't he think about me? Think about what you want and be careful lot's of uncaring people out there.

I'm not sure why this man would want to get married. Right now he has all the benefits of marriage with none of the obligations and legal responsibilities. He gets sex, cooking, cleaning, shopping yard work and decorating advice (that he doesn't have to follow because it is still HIS house). Maybe you have given him too much. If I had all of those thing I wouldn't be in ahurry to marry either. I'ld start by not "sleeping" over anymore. Just my $.02.<P>Mud

It's kind of like the saying that's says:<BR>Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.<BR>Think how much you have to offer, and how much he has to lose. Talk to him about your feelings and needs, try to communicate with him. Maybe you need to give less for him to appreciate you, try it.

;)Hey, I just thought I'd give my 2 cents. Go with your heart girl. Things don't happen on a timeline and things might not happen the way you want when you want them too. The best thing you can do is follow your heart. Thankfully we don't live in a bubble and there isn't one answer that works for everyone. If you don't feel right and you want to force him to make a choice, then do it. But be ready for whatever he decides. If you know he's not ready and maybe he needs a bit more time, give it to him. That doesn't mean that he needs ultimatums either. Only make them if you are ready to deal with the consequences. Things may not happen the way you want them too. <P>I have done things in a very unconventional way myself so I know that my feelings and views are different than most. People think that it's always the man that is getting "his way" and the woman is always the victim. I lived with my fiancee for 5 years and we have 2 kids. It has been a rocky road, relationships aren't easy but I think marriage would have doomed us. We would have been getting married because we felt that's what we were "supposed to do" instead of what we wanted to do. We are now engaged because we are BOTH ready to take that step. We are BOTH here because we want to be. Neither one of us forced the other to do anything. We lived together and liked it that way. I liked it that way just as much, maybe more than, he did. A lot of our struggles came when we tried to listen to other's advice instead of just doing what we felt was right for us and our relationship. Good luck to you. The best advice is to follow your heart. Take care.<P>[This message has been edited by dnasmommy (edited April 22, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by dnasmommy (edited April 23, 2001).]

Hey, I just thought I'd give my 2 cents. Go with your heart girl. Things don't happen on a timeline and things might not happen the way you want when you want them too. The best thing you can do is follow your heart. Thankfully we don't live in a bubble and there isn't one answer that works for everyone. If you don't feel right and you want to force him to make a choice, then do it. But be ready for whatever he decides. If you know he's not ready and maybe he needs a bit more time, give it to him. That doesn't mean that he needs ultimatums either. Only make them if you are ready to deal with the consequences. Things may not happen the way you want them too. <P>I have done things in a very unconventional way myself so I know that my feelings and views are different than most. People think that it's always the man that is getting "his way" and the woman is always the victim. I lived with my fiancee for 5 years and we have 2 kids. It has been a rocky road, relationships aren't easy but I think marriage would have doomed us. We would have been getting married because we felt that's what we were "supposed to do" instead of what we wanted to do. We are now engaged because we are BOTH ready to take that step. We are BOTH here because we want to be. Neither one of us forced the other to do anything. We lived together and liked it that way. I liked it that way just as much, maybe more than, he did. A lot of our struggles came when we tried to listen to other's advice instead of just doing what we felt was right for us and our relationship. Good luck to you. The best advice is to follow your heart. Take care.