I AM ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED IN ABOUT A MONTH. I HAVE KNOWN MY FIANCE FOR 11 YEARS AND WE HAVE DATED 3 DIFFERENT TIMES. HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM WHEN I WAS 17, HE LOVED ME THEN AND LOVES ME NOW. WE BOTH HAD REALATIONSHIPS THAT LASTED ABOUT 6 YEARS, THEN FOUND EACHOTHER AGAIN ABOUT A YEAR AFTER OUR LONGTERMERS. WE HAVE BEEN TOGHETHER NOW FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND WE LIVE TOGETHER. OUR RELATIONSHIP IS SPECIAL, SINCE WE ARE FRIENDS WE GET ALONG GREAT AND HAVE A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER. WE CAN AND DO TALK FOR HOURS ON END. WE ARE VERY ATTRACTED TO EACHOTHER AS WELL. HE AND I HAVE THE SAME GOALS. WE HAVE THE SAME IDEAS ABOUT MARRIGE. I THINK HE IS ATTRACTIVE, SMART AND FUNNY. MY FAMILY LOVES HIM AND I LOVE HIM. EVEN WITH ALL THIS GOOD STUFF I HAVE A HUGE KNOT IN MY STOMACHE AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BECAUSE I AM AFRAID TO COMMIT OR BECAUSE HE ISN'T THE RIGHT ONE. I KNOW FOR A FACT I AM AFRAID OF COMMITMENT AND I AM A CARBON COPY OF MY MOTHER. SHE DIDN'T MARRY UNTIL SHE WAS 42 YEARS OLD. HE HAS BEEN OUT OF STATE WORKING FOR ALMOST A MONTH AND I THINK I AM HAVING COLD FEET. HOW DO I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? I AM NOT SURE IF HE IS THE MAN I HAVE DREAMED OF ALL MY LIFE. I MISS MY EX AT TIMES ALTHOUGH I KNOW HE COULD NEVER BE THE KIND OF MAN I NEED. I HAVE MUCH RESPECT FOR MY EX HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN AWE OF HIS PERSON. I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN AWE OF MY FIANCE. I FEEL A TRMENDOUSE AMOUNT OF GUILT FOR THAT. PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF I AM JUST HAVEING THE JITTERS?

You have the most normal problem when it comes to getting married. If you didnt' honestly think that he was the one for you, you wouldn't of accepted when he proposed to you. Your ex is a totally different person than he is. There is something that your ex could never give you that he has. Yes you probably do miss him, but that's because you two were together for so long. I met my wife through the internet, we dated for 4 or 5 months, got enganged and got married a month later, and i'm pretty happy. Somethings have changed that I don't like, but what can I say. Just remember this, every morning you will wake up next to each other, and every night you will sleep next to each other. He will come home to you and you to him.

Maybe he's not <B>the</B> one.<P>Maybe he's <B>a</B>one. You know what I mean?<P>If you go to a small town with say 1000 people and look at all the combinations of couples that build long and fruitful lives together, how is the co-incidence that they found <B>the</B> one out of an option of 500 of the opposite sex (notwithstanding age differences and those that are already taken yada yada)<P>Bottom line....I don't think there is a <B>the</B> one. It's about two people <B>choosing</B> to build there lives together and placing each other at number one. If you're both willing to do that and place respect for each other at the top of your priorities, you'll do fine :-)<P>Good luck with your wedding!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>OUR RELATIONSHIP IS SPECIAL, SINCE WE ARE FRIENDS WE GET ALONG GREAT AND HAVE A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER. WE CAN AND DO TALK FOR HOURS ON END. WE ARE VERY ATTRACTED TO EACHOTHER AS WELL. HE AND I HAVE THE SAME GOALS. WE HAVE THE SAME IDEAS ABOUT MARRIGE. I THINK HE IS ATTRACTIVE, SMART AND FUNNY. MY FAMILY LOVES HIM AND I LOVE HIM. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear, being unsure is natural but let me tell you something I have learned. First a little background - so you know I am not a stranger to your feelings. I have had two relationships for 4 years each I had a marriage for 13 years that was a complete disaster and ended luckily in a divorce and not a death; and I am currently in a relationship that has lasted 2 years now. You never forget the ones from the past. And as time passes it is easy to romaniticize (sp) the old relationship. You tend to only remember the good parts since it has been so long since you have been exposed to the day to day crap. Just remember it didn't work. As for ever feeling 100% sure and not having doubts - No one is (no one I know at least). It is the fear of the unknown. And you are making a commitment that will last into the "unknown" but you expect to "know" that they are right. It is all unknown. Decide on how you feel now. I asked my Grandmother once, how do you have a marriage that lasts. she is in her second marriage and has been married for 50 years this time. They are so happy with each other. Even when they argue they seem in love. so, I figured she would be an authority. She did not respond with "Love", or "Money" or anything other than COMMUNICATION. She said you can love alot of people and you can have lots of friends. Sure these are things you want in a spouse but the secret was communication. If you can talk through anything. Share any thought or feeling then you will make it. I love her so much - I just wish I could have a marriage even half as great as hers.<P>I hope this was not too long winded but her words ring in my ears alot lately and I really wanted to share them with you. Based on your posting - sounds like you have a great relationship to start with.<P>I wish you much luck!!!

May I please offer you my absoloute congratulations on your intending to be married<P>May I share with you that it is absoloutely and totally natural what is happening to you<P>And you will find looking at your husband to be who deserves you and all your love, that he must be your<BR>choice and your choice alone<P>Beleive me, it will not help to go back into the past<P>Do you really want to let this man go because you<BR>are remembering warm moments of your past and <BR>perhaps are missing the alive and well real today<BR>moments with your man to be<P>If you are in doubt go and consult a minister of a church<BR>near to you today and ask some questions and let him her help you prepare for marriage<P>You need to look for your answers prayerfully in the hands of a capable and qualified minister who can help you deal with your emotions in private which is your right<P>Before you decide to perhaps leap back to where the grass is greener see a minister to help you deal with your insecurities before they swallow you up and you might be the loser<P>Remember the feelings are totally natural and you can talk about them to someone qualified and it will help<P>Read <A HREF="http://www.allexperts.com" TARGET=_blank>www.allexperts.com</A> to answer some of your urgent questions<P>But seek expert help with a counsellor<P>To help you prepare for marriage<P>In <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com</A> there is prep for marriage too<P>But you need a human being to talk to<P>Do not delay and do it soon<P>Involve your husband to be on request of your counsellor, in marriage preparation<P>That is what you and him are needing now<P>That will be the final test to see if he is Mr Right<P>By the marriage preparation course and the test at the end<P>Please do not make a mistake by just ignoring the advice and going on like it is a passing phase<P>Go for counselling <P>It can and will be the solid foundation to a happy future with your Mr Right possibly that you are with now<P>But put it to the test<P>Do not delay<P>Perhaps he is wondering the same thing about his past girls<P>So do something about it now<P>Do not wait till tomorrow<P>Do not let the gold ring he has or wants to buy for you go on someone else's finger<P>Carol<BR>