it has been seven months and we have followed all the advice on recovering - it has helped tremendously but I have trouble with the respect issue - trust is well covered in the material but what about respect - are we not allowed to make mistakes even if they are based on "bad judgement" - this seems to be the last hurdle for us - my spouse knows he erred and is truly sorry - we have yet to find out what was missing emotionally -have both taken the questionnaires and have come up with nothing other than I am guilty of "trusting too much" - it was very short lived - less than a month and only one sexual encounter but still it hurts. I have been able to get over this for the most part but I seem to have a very hard time not categorizing him as "just like most men" etc.....any help - I guess this would fall under the topic of "resentment" which I don't believe I am harbouring - I feel that I must have done something to contribute to this and he feels very guilty that I would feel this way - he says he never stopped loving me and it was a situation that "got out of hand" - still he jeopardized our family, our love, our friendship. What was wrong that would enable him to do this. I believe if I knew what allowed this to happen I would be able to deal with it better.

Counting
<p>Over in the infidelity forum this question has been posed....why? I agree, to know why would help greatly. Much like your own situation, my husband and I also ran through all the tests and came out in fairly good shape. And he, like your own husband, says it is not my fault...and like you, I wonder how can that be?
<p>I wonder if it is really possible for a man (and people in general) to do something so hurtful and, to be blunt, stupid without knowing why. Seems impossible and I try not to judge but...!
<p>I, like you, trusted my husband but I also feared exactly what happened. I suppose the writing was on the wall and I had been reading it subconsciously without even knowing it. Dr. Harley does recommend not to trust so deeply ...it's sound advice.
<p>I think of it like kids, when they know mom is watching, they are quite good. But the second mom turns her back, they do as they please and disregard mom's wishes...they get lost and caught up in what they want to do and forget all about what they should be doing or what is best. ....how sad....
<p>hang in there....